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I nodded again, having no words for him at this moment.How dare he? This argument is about him and his lies.
“So, we were right then? He was fired.”
I didn’t respond to this inquiry. He didn’t even look up to see if I had answered. After a few moments, he found the note that had fallen out of the journal when I first found it. I stuffed it back in between the pages, so I wouldn't lose it. I watched his face morph into despair.
“He wanted you to rip me off?”
I stood still.
“Were you going to do it?”
I was frozen in place.
“How could you?”
I wasn’t going to bother telling him that I hadn’t planned to go through with any of it. The fact was, I almost did. And even though I changed my mind, it wouldn’t do either of us any good for me to admit that. I was still leaving and I was taking our baby with me. He’d never hear from me again. I wouldn’t be like his other exes, coming back for child support money. I’d do this on my own somehow, so it would probably be easier if he was too angry to want to hear from me ever again.
Brenton threw the journal back onto the kitchen counter with enough force to kick more dust up from it. His entire body was a bright hue of red. He didn’t say one more word, just turned on his heels and stormed out, slamming the door behind him. The house shook for a moment and I fell to my knees.
I only let myself sob for a minute. I sobbed for myself, for Brenton, for my baby, and even for Candace. Then, I picked myself up off the floor and finished packing. Within a few hours, my car was loaded with all of my belongings. I went back inside for one final sweep. The two halves of the journal along with every other useful clue I had found were stuffed into one box. I crammed that box beneath the wooden beam in the foyer, where I had first found the journal. It was my way of making sure Dudley’s secrets stayed hidden.
I got into my car, started the engine and backed out of the driveway. I listened to the crunch of my tires meeting gravel one last time, knowing I’d remain in the city from now on. I wasn’t built for the hills. I was never supposed to stay up here.
After I stopped at my apartment in the city to pick up the rest of my things, I aimed my car away from Napa Valley, away from San Francisco. If I was going to really do this, I needed to start fresh. I needed a new job to support my baby and I needed a clean slate to support myself. I reached the bottom of the hill within an hour and kept driving. I passed a depleted strip mall and a few run down gas stations. There were a few fast food joints in this area and I debated stopping. My stomach grumbled, reflecting the hunger of two. I pulled into a small, dimly lit parking lot as dusk was approaching. It housed two restaurants. I walked towards the fast food burger joint and got the most fried food I had ever purchased in my life.
I ate in my car, staring at the neon bar beside me, the one that shared this parking lot with a 24-hour fast food chain. I wondered how that affected business sales. I craned my neck to look up at the sign and nearly dropped my burger.
Rita’s. I had heard that name before. Candace had told me and Brenton that her mom would bring her there. I debated going inside just for the hell of it and then laughed at the thought. What would that accomplish? Instead I wiped the ketchup off my face with a napkin and stuffed my garbage into the paper bag my food had come in. I started the engine up again and drove away.
I found a low rate motel a few towns over. It was about 9pm when I pulled into the lot. It was as dingey as I expected, the light blue paint chipping off its exterior and the small pool covered in moss and rust. One child was swimming in circles in it and I wanted to give him a tetanus shot right then and there.
I lugged my bag to my room on the second floor, overlooking a small playground. Instinctively, my hand went to my belly as I looked out at it. It was covered in grainy sand and small pebbles. The slide was broken halfway down and one of the swings was missing. I shook my head and released a sigh. I needed to do better than this. My daughter deserved better than this. She was a miracle. My miracle.
I didn’t actually know if it was a girl for sure, but it was what my intuition told me. When I thought about her, I pictured curly red hair and bright blue eyes. Part of me hoped she didn’t inherit those damn blue eyes, though.
