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“Come on, let’s cuddle in bed for a bit, yeah? It’ll be time to get up soon,” Scott said, and I nodded before stepping away. I folded my arms to hide my stomach, even though Scott had already seen it. I looked around for my jumper before Scott’s hands came to rest on my shoulders. “Luke, look at me.”
And I did because how could I not? This wonderful man cared for me even after he’d seen my ugliness, and I’d do anything for him. “You don’t have to hide anymore, Lu. Not from me.” I bit my lip as my arm brushed against the S on my abdomen. He was right. He’d already seen it, so why should I hide anymore? So I let my hands drop while staring into his eyes to see his reaction. He simply grabbed my hand, pressing a kiss on my knuckles before leading me to the bedroom.
I lay down on the bed, and he shuffled in beside me on his side, his fingers pushing my hair away from my face. Softly, he trailed his fingers down my cheek to my chin before coming to rest at my collarbone. That was how far I’d ever let him explore my skin. But now he could see more of me, and I answered the question in his eyes with a nod.
I could barely feel the touch as his fingers skated downward. The touch wasn’t sexual at all, and I was thankful for that. His touch left my skin feeling warm and helped me calm down. Touching had never felt so therapeutic before, and I found myself talking as his fingers trailed around the brand on my abdomen.
“He...he liked showing me off to his friends. Took me to bars and parties and stuff. One time at a bar, this guy started flirting with me whilehewas talking to his friends. I tried to ignore the guy, but he kept trying to talk to me. When he noticed, he dragged me away. When we got home, he…” I swallowed, and Scott rubbed my arm comfortingly but didn’t speak, letting me talk at my own pace. “He tied me to the bed like he usually did, and then...then he got the brand from wherever he’d been keeping it. He said he’d mark me so no one would want me again and I’d be all his. It hurt so much. I couldn’t eat for days after that because moving even a little bit hurt.” I stopped speaking because my heart was thundering so badly, and I was so tired. Tired of the pain. Of always hurting.
Scott pulled me closer, and I snuggled into him, pressing my face into his chest. I wondered what his skin against mine would feel like, but I wasn’t sure I was ready for that just yet. So I just breathed in his warm, woodsy scent and closed my eyes.
“I love you, Luke. If I could, I’d take all your pain away, but I can’t. I hope I’m helping you in whatever small way I can.”
“‘S enough,” I mumbled, holding him tightly and letting his warmth wash over me, my heart lighter than it’d been in a long time.
22
Scott
Theringingalarmpulledme out of my restless sleep, and I turned it off quickly so I didn’t wake Luke. Turning back to face him, I frowned when I realized he’d gotten up sometime in the night to wear his jumper again. Did he not believe me?
But then I remembered how he’d avoided looking at himself when he’d shown me his scars, and I realized it wasn’t about me at all. Luke didn’t like looking at his body. Those scars were a permanent reminder of his most painful memories. I wished he could see what I saw when I looked at him, though, because all I saw was a beautiful man who was so much stronger than I could ever be.
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I slid out of bed before I ended up waking him. He needed all the sleep he could get after the night he'd had. Almost on autopilot, I brushed my teeth, took a shower, got dressed for work, and started on making breakfast. I went with bacon and eggs because I needed a good breakfast after the little sleep I’d managed to get if I wanted to function today.
The scars on Luke's abdomen kept reappearing in my mind as I moved around the kitchen, the four letters that had been branded into his skin at the forefront of my mind. I couldn't imagine how much that must've hurt.
I started the coffee and wondered if I should take a day off from work. I knew Mike wouldn’t mind, but on the other hand, every time I closed my eyes, I could see those scars, thatbrandon Luke’s skin, and it made my blood boil.
Last night, when Luke had shown them to me, I’d barely stopped myself from puking my guts up like Luke had earlier. I’d only managed to control myself because I’d known Luke would take it as disgust directed at him and not the man who’d done something so awful to someone so beautiful. I still hadn’t been able to stop the tears from coming, and I’d almost ended up making Luke believe that anyway. My heart hurt for him, and if I ever came across the man who did that to him, I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to hold myself back from doing something truly awful.
How could someone be so horrible? Luke had been justnineteenwhen that man started hurting him like that. Luke had only told me bits and pieces of what had happened, but his scars had told me that he’d been hurt badly. Again and again. What kind of monster had he dealt with? I couldn’t imagine surviving something like that, living in pain day after day and still clinging on to the hope that you’d get to leave someday. How had Luke done it?
“Good morning.” Luke’s voice came from the doorway, and I hoped my expression didn’t give my thoughts away as I turned to face him.
“Morning, Lu. Coffee’s done and I’m almost done with breakfast. Bacon and eggs okay?”
“Perfect,” Luke answered with a small smile as he looked into my eyes searchingly. I gave him a smile in return before grabbing two mugs and filling them with coffee, his black and mine with cream and sugar.
I handed him his coffee and dished up our breakfast before placing them on the table. We ate in comfortable silence like we usually did, and I wondered again if I should take the day off work to spend time with him.
“Don’t,” Luke said, pointing his fork at me before taking the last bite of his food.
“Don’t what?”
“Don’t take a day off for me. I’m fine.AndI’m going to work too, so there’s no point. It was just a nightmare. I’m used to it,” he said with a shrug, breaking my heart all over again because he shouldn’t have to be. He should be full of beautiful, happy memories and not ones that woke him up in the middle of night and made him vomit. It was so fucking unfair.
I swallowed as I realized that I needed to go to work, if only so Luke wouldn’t see how much last night had affected me. “Okay, I won’t,” I agreed, striving to keep my voice as steady as I could.
Once we’d washed up, I turned to face Luke, placing my palm lightly against his waist as I met his smoky gray eyes. “Can I kiss you?”
His eyes widened in surprise, as if he hadn’t expected me to want to kiss him anymore, before he nodded shakily. I leaned closer and pressed my lips softly to his, kissing him in that sweet, gentle way I loved. His lips were soft against mine, and I didn’t push, just let him take the lead as he pulled my lower lip between his and bit it slightly before running his tongue over the bite soothingly. I pulled back after a minute, pressing a kiss against his forehead before pulling back.
“I thought…” Luke started before shaking his head and meeting my eyes. “I wasn’t sure if you’d want to do that after last night.” His voice was soft, hesitant, as if he still expected me to back out.
I held his face between my palms so he wouldn’t look away before speaking. “I know those scars remind you of ugly, painful things. And I hate that man for hurting you like that. But when I saw those scars, all of them, my first thought was how brave you are. How brave you’ve been for so long to have survived them and get your life back on track. When I saw those scars, I only saw your bravery, your strength. They don't disgust me, Luke. They just made me realize more than I already knew just how courageous you are. I love you, andnothingwill change that.”
Luke’s eyes had grown watery as I spoke, and as soon as I let him go, he buried his face in my neck, sniffling softly. “You’re wrong.” His voice was barely above a whisper, and if he hadn’t been so close, I probably wouldn’t have heard him. “I’m not strong.”
