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“You are, Luke. You just don’t see it.”
Luke shook his head before stepping away from me. “No,youdon’t see it, Scott. I’m a coward.” His voice broke as he slid the sleeves of his jumper up and showed his wrists to me. I frowned. I’d seen those scars already, hadn’t I? He’d said they were because of the cuffs he’d been put into for so long. But as I stared at his wrists, trying to figure out what Luke meant, I realized that along with the thick scars from the cuffs, there were also some thin, clean scars that marred his skin. Scars as if he’d…
I gasped as I realized what those scars were.
“You…” My voice was barely a whisper as I tried to get my head around what I was seeing.
He still didn’t look at me as he ran his thumb over the raised scars. His voice was almost monotonous, but I could hear the tears in them as he spoke, still not looking at me. “So many times, I tried to do it. And he always let me. He had cameras in my room, and he always knew. He’d let me cut myself...try tokillmyself...and then show up before I could bleed out. He’d patch me up, show me how much hecared,before making me service him in some way while I was dizzy with the blood loss. Every time, he did that. And every time, I failed.” The pain and hate in his voice made me want to pull him into my arms and never let go, but I couldn’t.
I couldn’t move as my brain tried to process everything. I could’ve lost Luke without even realizing it, without getting to know this broken, beautiful man I’d fallen in love with. I took a step back as I tried to catch my breath and I couldn’t. I needed to get out, to stop thinking before I said something stupid.
I swallowed the lump in my throat and forced myself to say, “I gotta go,” before almost running out of the door and into the empty hallway. I took the stairs and was breathing hard by the time I reached the parking lot. I didn’t remember the drive, but the next second, I was in the parking lot of my office building.
Taking the elevator this time, I made my way to my cabin and settled into my seat, trying to force my brain to switch into work mode. But all I could think about was Luke and how much pain he must’ve been in to try again and again to kill himself like that. And he still didn’t see how strong he was.
Two hours later, I had no idea what I was working on when Mike walked into my office. He gave me a once-over before locking the door to my cabin and taking a seat on one of the guest chairs. He patted the other one, and I obediently got up and took the seat next to him.
“What’s wrong?”
I opened my mouth to tell him nothing before shaking my head. I needed to talk before I exploded, and if I had to break down in front of someone, there was no better choice than Mike.
So I told him. About how I’d known Luke had been in an abusive relationship, but I hadn’t known how bad it’d been. About his nightmares, his scars, and what he’d told me this morning. A part of me knew I shouldn’t be telling Mike this, that it was Luke’s story to tell, but I needed to talk to someone and I knew I could trust Mike to not let it affect his relationship with Luke in any way.
“God, Mike. It fucking hurts just thinking about how much shit he’s been put through. I can’t even imagine surviving that, but he did, and he didn’t lose himself. I’m in awe of him, of his strength and his courage. I wish I could show him just how strong he is. But he doesn’t believe me.”
Mike nodded at me, squeezing my shoulder softly before speaking his piece. “I haven’t met him yet—despite my insistence that I meet him soon, mind you—but based on what you’re telling me, I think for a long time he has been told a lot of negative things about himself. He believes those things to be true now. So I guess all you can do is show him that you see him differently and wait for him to believe you. What did you do when he showed you his scars last night?”
“Hugged him and told him I only saw his strength and that I hated the man who did that to him but never him.”
Mike nodded approvingly before continuing, “And this morning?”
“This morning...Shit!” I stumbled to my feet as I realized I’d basically run out of there when he’d confessed something obviously painful to him. How could I have been so stupid? What if he ended up hurting himself again? Did he still do that?
“Hey, hey...calm down. What’s wrong?” Mike’s voice was soft as he gripped my shoulders and looked into my eyes.
“I was so in my head I fucking ran out of there this morning. Shit. I know he’s gonna feel as if I ran because I’d had enough.” I pushed my hand in my pocket to get my phone, to call him before I realized it wasn’t there. Shit. I’d forgotten to grab my phone!
“I gotta go,” I said for the second time in the day.
“Do you need me to come with you?”
I shook my head as I unlocked the cabin door.
“Drive safely!” Mike called after me, and I gave him a thumbs up as I rushed to the stairs.
By the time I got home, my heart was thudding erratically in my chest, and I could barely breathe. I knew the moment I stepped inside that Luke wasn’t home. Was he at work?
I rushed into the bedroom and looked for my phone, growing more and more frustrated by the minute before I found it tucked between the mattress and the headboard. When I tried to unlock it, I realized the battery was dead. Cursing, I plugged it into the charger. I paced the room as I waited for it to turn on. Tressa meowed from her spot on the bed, and I turned to her, giving her a soft smile. “I know, sweetie. Don’t worry, I’ll find your daddy, okay?”
Just then, I remembered something and rushed into the living room and checked one of the cabinet drawers before I found what I was looking for. Rushing to the landline, I dialed the number on the visiting card and prayed she’d pick up.
“Hello, Delilah Sparks’s office, how may I help you?”
“Uh, this is Scott Riley. Can I speak to Mrs. Sparks please? This is about her...son, Luke Smith.”
“Just a minute, sir.”
A minute later, I heard Delilah Sparks’s warm voice on the other end. “Scott, dear. What’s wrong?”
