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“Goodbye, MJ.”
She smiled back. “Goodbye, Lock.”
I shut the door behind me and didn’t look back, not once as I walked along the paved walkway. With each breath, I could feel the bricks along my heart fall all around me. It was as if a weight lifted from my chest, allowing me to breathe easier, for my heart to beat freely. Warmth shined from the house, drawing me in closer and closer, until nothing behind me mattered anymore.
I placed my hand on the doorknob and opened the front door. I stepped inside the house and immediately a rush of euphoria almost took me under.
The house smelled comforting, peaceful, and reacquainted. The furniture felt right, the pictures on the walls, although obscured, felt right and familiar. I heard a hoard of footsteps coming my way. I stood stock still and waited, looking on anxiously. Coming around the corner were two young boys, both looked to only be a year and half apart. They had huge smiles on their faces, both looking up at me as if I’d hung the moon specifically for them. God, the look in their eyes reminded me of someone.
“Daddy!” they cried out. I looked around wondering if someone else was in the room with us, but my heart knew that these two belonged to me. I bent down and caught them both in my arms. I sniffed their scent and felt my heart explode with not only happiness but joy, unsurmountable joy.
“I’m so glad you’re home,” said one of the boys, bright hazel eyes staring back at me. He had dark curly hair that was all over the place.
“Yeah, me too. Will you play with us?” the other said with a lisp, pronouncing ‘with us’ like ‘wifus’, all one word.
I smiled at them both, but I couldn’t find the words to respond to their request. I was too busy fighting back tears.
The older of the two boys turned and yelled, “Mommy, Daddy’s home.”
I looked up and watched as a woman’s large pregnant belly appeared first before the owner came into view. My eyes traveled from the large belly to the woman’s face, and damn near fell on my ass. The smile that graced me in that moment gave me goosebumps.
I rose to my feet, forgot all about the boys attached to my legs, and moved cautiously toward the woman. She waddled to meet me and once she was within arm distance, I grabbed her by the back of her head and crashed my lips to hers.
“Fuck!”
I shot up from the couch and looked around the room. I was inmyliving room, lights out, and alone. I blew out a breath and ran trembling fingers through my hair. I closed my eyes and tried to get my breathing under control.
What in the ever-loving fuck was that? Was I dreaming? I had to have been if I saw MJ. She wasn’t among the living. But what about the rest of it? The family…Fucking…
I glanced up the dark stairs and slumped back against my couch.
This was unreal. I wasn’t the one that dreamed shit like that. Chasing bad guys yes, maybe fucking a movie star, or a hot woman I saw at the grocery store, hell yes. But the shit that I just dreamed… the family, the wife pregnant with my third child. Yeah, no. Hell, I’ve never dreamed anything like that when I was with MJ.
Fuck… MJ.
I ran my hand over my face, still trying to get my wits about me, however my mind and my heart kept falling back to the woman in the dream. The words MJ spoke about the woman. The same woman that was upstairs sleeping in my guest room. Phoebe.
I’ve resorted to avoiding her again. I couldn’t help it. I had no idea how to address the shit I did to her, how I treated her the other night. When she came into my room, I was heading down a dark path, one that I hadn’t frequented in a long time. My goal that night was to drown my shit with a bottle of scotch. It’s what I’ve done in the past. It was what I needed after the shit I had to deal with that night.
But Phoebe came into my world and rocked it. She gave herself to me again, in a way I never thought possible. She was right; I did need her more than I wanted to admit. She allowed me to feed my darkness, to tap into parts of me I had longed buried. I took her from so many positions, using a spreader bar to keep her legs open for me. She didn’t fuss, she didn’t complain. She was there for me in every way possible.
I unconsciously compared her to MJ.
MJ gave me what I needed in the bedroom; I wasn’t saying otherwise. Our sex life was amazing. But I had to keep it real, when I needed more from her, she couldn’t give it. Not to say she didn’t try, she did. But it wasn’t what my darkness craved.
Phoebe knew what I needed before I did. She was just…every-fucking-thing.
She was so much that I didn’t know how to treat her afterwards. I had been fucked up over our night. The bite marks, the bruising that I knew I’d left on her body. I didn’t mean to take it that far, especially because of her past, what she’d been through. That was very selfish of me and I just knew she would hate me or look at me differently.
The next morning, I made myself scarce before she woke up and made sure I kept my distance, un-fucking sure how to deal with what happened between us. I was being a coward I knew it. Not wanting to come to realization that this woman… fuck she was made for me in every possible way.
That truth had been confirmed when I came home today. The smile that greeted me made my chest tighten and my heart to fill with…
A smile creased my troubled face as I thought about all the things she made me feel when I didn’t want tofeelshit.
“Fuck, I love her,” came out in a whisper and I froze; my heart stopped, breath caught in my throat.
What the fuck did I just say?
