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“Just did,” I said.
“Right on time,” Maddison cooed, smiling at me as she came to sit next to me on the little loveseat next to my desk. “You’re like clockwork.”
“I am not,” I said, flashing her a curious glance before looking over at Fiona, who was filling plates with pizza.
“You are too,” Fiona said. “Every book is the same. You scramble for a couple months and then somehow, you turn it in right on time.”
“Huh,” I said, shrugging. “I guess I haven’t noticed.” I took the plate of food from Fiona before she sat down, handing Maddison hers. We all took a bite, and I sighed. “Have I told you how much I love you both?”
“Many times,” Maddison said, smiling at me.
“But it never gets old,” Fiona added.
“Well, I do.”
We ate our slices, chatting easy stuff like Maddison’s patient schedule and Fiona’s newlywed life. After we cleaned out most the pizza, Maddie poured the wine, and we settled into an easy conversation that breathed life back into my soul.
“I didn’t realize how much I needed this,” I said after one glass of wine. “Thank you both. I know you’re both busy. I appreciate you taking the time to come hang.”
“Always,” Fiona said. “And of course you needed it.”
“You’re miserable,” Maddie finished for her.
“I am not,” I lied straight to their faces.
“You’re a horrible liar,” Maddie said.
“Have you heard from him?” Fiona asked.
A sharp pain sliced through my chest. “And here we are,” I said. “I wondered how long it would take you two to bring him up.”
“Can you blame us?” Maddie asked.
“You’re still in love with the man,” Fiona said.
I couldn’t even deny it. “I’ll always love Asher,” I said. “It’s not one of those relationships where he was bad to me or cheated on me or anything like that.” I finished my wine. “He was wonderful, until I wasn’t good enough.”
Fiona groaned. “That’s so not true,” she said. “You are always enough.”
“He bought me an imprint!”
“We know,” Maddie said. “But even you have to admit that people make mistakes. Do you really believe he did it to turn you into someone you’re not?”
I blew out a breath. “Consciously? No. Subconsciously, yes. I think it would be easier to take me home to his mother if I had a bestseller tag stuck to my forehead.”
“Fuck his mom,” Fiona said, and Maddie and I laughed. “What?” she asked. “It’s true. Fuck her. You’re not in love with her.”
“True, but what kind of partner would I be if I held a grudge against his mother? His family? How could I put that wedge between them and claim I love him at the same time?”
Maddie tilted her head. “That’s a fair point,” she said, rising from the couch. “We need more wine.”
“Daisy, I get it. I really do. But you are miserable. You’ve never hid in your apartment this much, not even when you’re up against a deadline. Being with him was one of the happiest times I’ve seen you. And since I had my own trouble with Brogan in the beginning, and needed you two to talk me into a second chance, I can’t help but do the same for you. And I wouldn’t be doing it if I didn’t think Asher was a good guy.”
I swallowed hard. “He is a good guy,” I said as Maddie refilled our glasses and sat back down. “The best,” I whispered, a hundred memories flashing through my mind of the times we laughed together or challenged each other. The way his eyes darkened right before he was about to devour me or the way he’d hiss when I did the same to him. It sent warm shivers dancing along my skin.
But my heart was still heavy, because I didn’t know how to be the woman he needed me to be.
“Can I ask you a question without you getting angry with me?” Fiona asked after we’d drank our wine in silence for a little while.
“Sure,” I said. We’d always had a safe space between the three of us and that wasn’t going to change now.
“Was there any time before that imprint moment that he made you feel like you weren’t good enough?”
I sighed. “No.”
“And do you think he’s so perfect that he’s not capable of making mistakes?” Maddie asked.
“No,” I said.
They both stared at me, support and love in their eyes.
“It still doesn’t change the rift I’ll cause between him and his family, between him and the public who scrutinizes every move he makes. I love him,” I admitted. “You think I want to bring him down?”
“Of course not,” Fiona said.
“But you should really give him the choice,” Maddie added. “On whether or not he wants to say fuck you to the public, to his family, for you.”
I don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks. Asher’s words that night after Thanksgiving raced through my mind.
