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“Emmy, what happened to your mum?” he asks. Shit, how do I answer that? How do I tell him that I’m the reason my mum is dead?
“Emmy? You can tell me anything. There isn’t a damn thing you can’t tell me. What happened to her?” he presses on. I can’t stop the tears from falling down my cheeks. Josh is patient. He swipes the wetness away and waits for me to speak.
“It-It was my fault. I should have known better. I shouldn’t have…”
“Babe, it’s okay, breathe. Try again. What was your fault?”
“My mum, he-he killed her because I tried to leave. I left… I did leave. But he found me, and the next day, he showed me… he showed me photos and a death certificate. It was my fault. If I didn’t try to leave, my mum would still be here.” I’m sobbing by the time I get it out. I’ve never said the words out loud. Oh God, I can’t believe I just told Josh that. What is he going to think of me now? He’s going to know that I’m the reason my mum is dead.
Josh squeezes my body tight against his; he holds my head on his chest. “I’m going to fucking rip him apart when I get my hands on that fucker,” Josh growls.
He won’t ever get the chance. I’m shaking. I try to snuggle in more, but I can’t seem to get close enough. Maybe if I hold on tighter, he won’t be able to walk away from me.
“Emmy, look at me,” Josh says after a few minutes. I lift my head, expecting to see disgust on his face. Josh has a single tear trailing down his cheek. He’s crying? Why?
“You didn’t kill your mother, Emmy. What that bastard did to you was not your fault. And I want to know every little fucking thing he ever did. So that way, when I find the prick, he will know just what it feels like.” Josh’s voice is quiet, contradicting his harsh words.
I shake my head no. There is no way I can tell him everything. I can’t…
“Emmy, your mum isn’t dead. She’s still in the same house you guys lived in when you left.”
“What? No. I saw the pictures, Josh. I saw the death certificate. I went to her funeral!” I yell at him. Why is he being cruel? Is this it? Where it starts, the nastiness, the cruelty?
“Emily, stop. I’m telling you the truth. I’ve had someone do a little digging on you. That’s how I found out there was a death certificate for you. I’ve seen your mother’s too, but I’ve also seen photos of her around town. In her house. She isn’t dead, Emily.”
“No! You need to stop looking, Josh. You need to stop. You need to stop,” I repeat the words over and over. I try to get off the bed. He doesn’t let go of me.
“There will never be a day where I stop, Emily. You don’t get it. I can’t just let it go. I can’t let that asshole breathe after what he’s done to you. And I’m only guessing at what you’ve been through. When you’re ready, you will tell me. Until then, I’m never going to stop loving you.”
“Josh, she’s really alive? Do you… do you have the photos?” I ask him. I need to see her, before I let myself hope.
