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And as much as I don’t like it, as much as I miss him, I have to admit that the break is probably what we need so I can get myself back on track, and reset my emotions to just friends.
Only three days in and I’m still not sleeping. I keep thinking about what it was like between us. How right it felt in his arms. The way he’d look at me when he came over after his games. How he loved staying home with me. The way he couldn’t get enough of my son.
How I could have sworn he was falling.
“Are you sick?” Matty’s staring at me from across the breakfast table and I’m pretty sure the kid doesn’t mean heartsick.
“No, honey. Just a little tired today. I’ll be fine,” I assure with the smile I can always find for him.
“If you want, I can stay here and take care of you.”
That hyper-vigilant part of me that’s constantly on alert about this little boy’s happiness comes on line. “You don’t want to go to your dad’s?”
“No! I want to see Dad. But I like to be here too. Maybe this time he could come over here and hang out with us… All my toys are here, and I want to show him. Please, Mom?”
Seriously, the last thing I need right now is Jeremy underfoot. But when I look into my son’s pleading face, I can’t say no.
“How about we check with your dad and see if he has any plans.”
Matty shakes his head like I have no idea, like I’ve never met this guy before.
“No way. Dad loves to come over here. Says hanging out with you is almost as much fun as hanging out with me.”
Crossing my arms, I nod. “Still, let me call him and see.”
An hour and a half later, I’m on my fourth cup of coffee and Jeremy is unloading a new set of Play-Doh on the kitchen counter.
Matty isn’t usually into that stuff so much, but the way he’s acting now, you’d think it was the only thing he asked for for Christmas.
I’m about to head into the living room and check my email, when Jeremy asks if I want to get in on the build. Again, it’s those eyes from my boy that have me saying yes when I really want to say no. And I’ll admit, it turns out to be fun. Jeremy’s always been a creative guy, and when applied to Play-Doh and dinosaurs I can see why Matty has fun.
But I can’t help compare him to Rux and the way he interacts with Matty. Definitely a more physical play—even when they’re building Legos, Rux’s arms are always flying out from his sides, mimicking attacking forces, or maybe a tornado. His world-building is active with wild stories and crazy characters.
Jeremy’s is quiet, reserved. Concentrated on design and layout. There’s a backstory, but while Rux is building a battleground to play on, Jeremy is building one suitable for display.
I have a small ball of dough I gave up on forming about two minutes in. Fatigue is weighing on me, and when I can’t take it any longer, I give Jeremy a pleading look.
“Hey, I didn’t really sleep well last night.” Or the night before. “Any chance you guys would be good on your own while I lie down?”
“Absolutely,” he encourages. “Go get some shut-eye. Matty and I’ll finish our prehistoric lava monster.”
It’s an offer I can’t refuse. And after dropping a kiss on Matty’s cheek I head back into the seclusion of my room.
No text from Rux.
I set the alarm on my phone for forty-five minutes and crawl into bed. Just a quick nap and I’ll be good to go.
* * *
Rux
I madeit as long as I could. But if I don’t talk to Cammy in the next five minutes I’m going to lose my shit.
“Space and time” sucks.
I hate it. And yeah, I get that with the kinds of changes we’re going through, it’s supposed to be a good thing. But I’ve been about ready to crawl out of my skin not texting just to see how she’s doing. How her morning is. What she had for lunch. How she slept.
Better than me, I hope.
