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Chapter Twenty-Nine
Jenna
It’s beginning to dawn on me why I don’t do impulsive things like sayingyesto going out on the lake without giving it some thought first. And by “beginning to dawn”, I mean it dawned on me approximately five minutes ago when Seth anchored up, tossed his cap and sunglasses on the captain’s chair, and pulled his shirt off. I’ve always found it fascinating how a guy can just naturally gooff with the shirt!in one seamless moment, but with Seth it’s doubly fascinating.
See, the thing is that I’ve never seen him shirtless before. Until, like, two minutes ago. As it turns out (because I know everyone’s dying to know) his chest and abdomen are just as nicely sculpted as his arms. I wouldn’t say he’s buff, and he doesn’t have such hard abs you wonder if he’s human or just some intergalactic body-builder-dude, but he’s tone. Very nicely so. His skin is tanned like he gets plenty of sun, though his arms from mid-bicep down are noticeably darker. Probably because of his uniform.
But basically, the answer to Alice’s question is likely yes, he does work out every day. I really do enjoy working out. I just don’t seem to find the time for it during the day as often as I’d like. If I manage to get my twenty-minute yoga session in after the kids are in bed, I feel accomplished.
But back to Seth, he’s completely oblivious to the fact that I’ve pretty much been staring at him for about three minutes now. Why? Because once his shirt was off, he placed his capbackwardson his head, slid his Oakleys back on, and is currently doing something on the back of the boat while Ella and Eli pepper him with questions from where they’re perched on the back seat. It looks more like a luxury boat bed than a seat, though.
This boat is gorgeous. Its seats are all smooth, soft tan vinyl and the floor is in impeccable condition as though the Bryants clean it after every use. It has a canopy too, but we have it down to get sun. The biggest bonus of being on this boat is the captain I got, though, so I probably wouldn’t complain even if we were on a dinky boat.
Oh, yes, I forgot to mention something I learned only after Seth took his shirt off: he has a tattoo. ATATTOO!I don’t know why this fact stuns me so much, but it does. It’s on the back of his right shoulder and I haven’t gotten a good close-up look at it yet, but I’m pretty sure it’s a pair of angel wings with a word or two in bold letters on a banner across the wings. It kind of looks like a name or something and I sort of want to zoom in on it with my camera (definitely not because I’m afraid to leave my spot on this seat in the front of the boat) to see what the word is.
I mean, I have a tattoo on the opposite shoulder of some sunflowers, but for some reason, the knowledge that it is only visible while Seth’s shirtless is strangely thrilling. It’s so conveniently placed that, if he were to wear a tank top, you’d probably only see a corner of it. Never mind that, in three years, I’ve never seen him wearing a tank top. T-shirts are just fine because they hug his body like a glove. But as he messes with some ropes on the back of the boat—for what, I’m not sure—I find myself watching in fascination. The muscles in his back are smooth as he moves, and he’s laughing as he answers one of my kids’ questions.
I snap a picture.
But here’s the thing—I have a mom body. Yes, I’m in good shape and I do take care of myself, especially running around after two little kids, but having two babies made my body much different than it used to be. My chest is smaller from nursing and my thighs have a little bit of jiggle and my abs are strong but not strongly defined. That’s the real reason I’m glued to this seat all the way on the opposite end of the boat from Seth and the kids. Instinctively I know Seth isn’t the kind of man to judge me based on my body. But at the same time, the idea of taking off my white cover-up seems all too exposing. My swimsuit is a two-piece that has yellow and white striped high waisted bottoms with a white bikini top. I love it.
I’m just scared Seth might not.
“Mommy, are you coming?” Ella asks from where she’s kneeling on her throne, her dark curls pulled into a ponytail that took me ten minutes to finagle, and her hands propped on her tiny hips. “We’re gonna go swimming!”
“How about you go ahead?” I reluctantly peel myself from the seat, nudging my sunglasses up on my nose. I force my Jell-O legs to carry me to the back of the boat with my phone. “I’ll take a few pictures and videos of you guys.”
Seth tosses his rope into the water, then glances over his shoulder, eyes narrowed. I know that look. He’s analyzing me, figuring out why I’m standing here as though my feet are glued to the floor. But he doesn’t comment on it. “All right, then. Do you guys want me to get in first? The water’s pretty warm, but it’s hot out so it might feel a little chilly when you get in. Who’s going to be the first to jump?”
“Jump!” Eli exclaims, bouncing on his chubby toddler legs. His blue eyes sparkle as he reaches his arms towards Seth. “Swim with me!”
“Yeah, buddy, we’re gonna swim,” Seth says with a smile. He swings my son into his arms, and the way his biceps flex with the movement has nothing to do with my sudden difficulty in swallowing. “Here, guys, how about we let your mama take a picture of us? Then we’ll get in. I promise.”
Ella, never one to turn down being photographed, hops to her feet and puts her arms around Seth’s waist, cheesing big at the camera. Seth, who is standing on the platform behind the back seat, places his hand on her shoulder, Eli buries his bashful smile in Seth’s chest, and I snap several pictures. If one of them ends up on my home screen, I’m gonna say Joanna did it.
I give them a thumbs up as I lower my phone to let them know I got some and turn to head back to the front of the boat. I put my phone in the cupholder by the driver’s seat and I’m just going to grab the magazine I brought along when I feel Seth’s warm palm grasp my arm. I spin around so fast I think I set a new world record for pivoting, and my gaze collides with deep blue eyes. Uh-oh. Shouldn’t he be watching my kids? What if the lifejackets are faulty and one of them falls in or something!SOS here, Seth! This is a matter of life and death!
“Jenna.” My name is like a prayer on his lips, and my own lips part. His other hand closes around my opposite arm. I promptly forget how to breathe. His bare chest is approximately six inches from my nose and my brain isn’t wired to comprehend this sort of scenario. “Are you planning on staying in the boat the whole day?”
“No.” Again, I sound like a mouse. A lying mouse. One who just stole the cheese and said she didn’t do it.
“I don’t believe you.”
“No,” I repeat, and it’s only marginally better. I go again. “I mean, no—Yes—No—I don’t…”
He leans down to be eye level with me. It’s a relief, to be honest. I’m used to looking into his eyes by now. His shirtless chest, well, not so much.
“You don’t what?” he asks gently. His thumbs are brushing little lines up and down the inside of my elbows.
I pull in a fortifying breath that’s about the size of Texas and let all my words roll out in one big run-on sentence. “I have the body of a mom and it’s not like it used to be and I don’t want to take my cover-up off because I’m afraid you’ll be disappointed.”
His expression softens. “Jen, your body carried and delivered the two beautiful children splashing in the water gleefully on the back of this boat right now. And to be honest with you, I don’t think there’s anything more admirable than that. You are beautiful to me, Jen. And part of the reason you’re so beautiful is because of Ella and Eli. I’m not about to pressure you into anything you don’t want to do, but I promise you there is no chance of me being disappointed. If you want to just put your feet in or not get wet at all today, that’s fine. But please don’t be ashamed of yourmombody. You have incredible legs, a smile that lights up every room you walk into, and two kids who prove you earned the body you have. Every time I see you, it’s hard not to be amazed thatIhave you.”
His words make chills raise the hairs on my arms as he squeezes my biceps gently, then turns to go back to the kids. It’s then that I get a good look at the tattoo on his shoulder. The word—words, actually—across the banner areMy Mom – My Angelwith what I’m assuming is the date of his mother’s passing smaller underneath.
And for some reason, seeing the reminder he clearly loved his mother so much he has a permanent reminder of her inked into his skin, is the shove I need. It doesn’t take away my insecurities, but I tiptoe to the back of the boat just in time to see Ella jump into the sparkling blue lake water. Eli’s already splashing around near Seth, who’s smiling at Ella as she doggy paddles up to him. Seth’s dark hair is thoroughly soaked and sticking up at odd angles and his eyes are dancing, his focus entirely devoted to my kids.
Before I can talk myself out of it, I pull my cover-up over my head and drop it in the beach bag I brought along. Then I go through the small walkway to get to the platform and jump off the boat without a second thought.
