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“Leah…” I say.
She looks up at me and blinks. She searches my eyes.
“I need some time to let this soak in,” she says.
Okay. Probably not the best time to propose.
“Sure. Take whatever time you need,” I say. “Just so you know, though, I’m not going anywhere. I know you haven’t had the greatest experiences with guys in the past, but I’m not like that.”
She nods. “I know you aren’t.” She moves closer to me, pressing her cheek against my chest, and we stay like that for a long time.
Chapter Four
Leah
“That isinsane, Leah,” says my friend, Felicity, as she adds creamer to her coffee. “How are you feeling about the whole thing?”
When I told Felicity about River and the possibility of him being the sperm donor I used to conceive Anna, she immediately told me to get my butt over to her house so we could talk about it. Now Felicity and I are sitting at her dining table over cups of coffee while Anna plays with Felicity’s sweet one-year-old daughter. The two of them are in the living room, visible from where Felicity and I are sitting but just out of earshot.
“I don’t know,” I say, rubbing my thumb on the edge of my coffee cup. “On the one hand, it seems ridiculous to stop dating him because of it. But I also don’t want him to stay with me just because heshould, you know? It’s like…if we keep dating, I’ll always question whether he’s only there because it’s the right thing to do.”
Felicity nods. “Do you think heisher biological dad?”
“I mean, there’s definitely a very real chance he is. Everything adds up.” I sigh and glance over at our daughters. Anna is making funny faces for Felicity’s daughter, who keeps giggling like crazy.
I turn back to Felicity. “I have no doubt that he would be a great dad to Anna. And that he would be a great husband, too. But…”
“But?”
“Wejustmet. Wejuststarted dating. Even if he’s perfect for me, and for Anna, that doesn’t make it any less overwhelming to deal with something like this so soon.”
“Oh, sweetie.”
I sigh and smile. “Thanks for listening to me. You’re a good friend.”
“I’m always here for you.” Felicity reaches out and squeezes my hand. “And you guys will figure it out. I’m sure of it.”
“Thanks.” I take a sip of coffee and try to push the dilemma from my mind for the time being. “Anyway. Let’s talk about something else. How areyou?”
“Oh, good. Busy. The usual.”
“And Holt?” Holt is Felicity’s husband; the two of them are the most adorable couple.
“He’s good. He’s out working on a new house. Oh! I havegotto show you the new pantry. Holt just put in a bunch of new shelves. I know it’s silly to be so excited about something like that, but…”
“No, a new pantry is definitely cause for celebration,” I say, laughing as I get up out of my seat and follow her into the kitchen.
Anna shrieksas the wind kicks her kite high into the sky. River is standing beside her, holding the string in case she lets go. The kite dives and twists against the cloudless sky and Anna jumps up and down when River tugs the string and makes the kite swoop around in big loops.
I study them as they stand side by side. He definitelycouldbe her biological dad. They have the exact same shade of brown hair and their profiles are reminiscent of each other’s.
I look for anything else, some mannerism or quirk that will be further confirmation that Anna is River’s daughter. Then I realize what I’m doing and shake the thoughts out of my head.
Why am I doing this? It doesn’t matter. I’ve already made up my mind.
I’m going to tell River that it’s completely okay if he wants to part ways. I don’t want him to think he’s beholden to me for any reason, especially not one as big as this.
If I don’t give him an out, I’ll always wonder if I should have.
