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“So am I. I’ll think about it.” He wasn’t entirely sure he believed her.
“I’ve given you no reason to risk yourself for me.” This was true. He deceived her, forcing her to succumb to a hellish two weeks. As much as he wanted her forgiveness, he wasn’t entirely sure he deserved it. He certainly didn’t deserve her risking herself for him. If something happened to her… he didn’t want to imagine it.
“No?” She teasingly blinked up at him, feigning a sweet innocence.
“My actions nearly ruined your life. I want your forgiveness, but I’m prepared to work for it.”
“You might have nearly ruined my life. But let’s be honest, you could’ve donesomuchworse. I don’t have much of a life to ruin. It’s difficult to take from someone who has nothing.”
The honesty in her words struck him. She was so guarded he didn’t expect her to open up for a long. But the sadness in her eyes spoke volumes, revealing her inner self. Her walls were down, allowing him to see how sad she really was. She truly didn’t believe her life was worth anything at all.
“Anyway…” He noticed her raising her walls again. He needed to keep the conversation going before he lost her to her sarcastic comments again.
“You act as if you have nothing worth losing.” He was internally pleading her to not close off again.
The sadness in her eyes told him she didn’t. “That’s because I don’t.”
“Everyone does.”
She tapped her finger against the windowpane, and he couldn’t tell if it was out of annoyance or introspection.She’s going to shut down…
Finally, she looked back at him, her stare hard. “Wrong. Everyone doesn’t.” She let out a huff. “I can’t believe I’m going to tell you this.”
Darius reached for her hands. She looked down at the contact, but didn’t shy away from it. “You don’t have to be afraid to tell me anything.”
“I’m not afraid,” she remarked. He knew she was lying. She was terrified. “It’s just… I don’t know how to say it. I never told anyone this before.”
“Take your time.” He didn’t want to pressure her for fear of her walls going back up. “I’m here.”
“You’re here,” she breathed, a passionate excitement flickering over her eyes. “You are, aren’t you?” She seemed to finally be accepting what he was saying, embracing the truth in his words. He wasn’t going anywhere.
“You’re not alone.” He tightened his hold on her hands.
She shut her eyes for a few moments, seeming to be lost in thought, lost in contemplation. Darius patiently waited for her to work through whatever it was she was thinking about. When she reopened her eyes, it almost looked as if the violet in her irises was glowing. “I know.”
Darius breathed a sigh of relief. Finally, she was accepting him.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Darius Fischer
Darius had difficulty imagining Eva living a life where she had nothing worth losing. A life like that couldn’t be a good one. Darius lived a terrible life himself and wouldn’t wish it on his worst enemy. He especially wouldn’t wish it on Eva.
But wasn’t she lonely? Maybe she didn’t have anything worth losing because she had always lived a life on her own. The thought stirred a pang in his heart. No one deserved to be that alone.
She was still looking at him, her eyes bleeding with emotion. “I wasn’t supposed to be born. At least, I wasn’t supposed to be born a sorceress. My mother and every other fucking sorceress made that incredibly clear.”
“You were born… a sorceress?” Sorceresses weren’t born. They were made. Everyone knew that.
“Yeah,” she bit her lip, her eyes beginning to wander. He gave her hands another squeeze to encourage her to continue. Thankfully, she did. “Born into the wrong family at the wrong time, I guess. Then again, is there ever a good time to be born into a community of sorceresses?” Her resentment toward her kind was clear as anything. Shehatedthem. Darius knew they were a ruthless species, but they were also loyal to their own.
Except they weren’t loyal to her. Darius witnessed that lack of loyalty first hand when another sorceress attempted to kill Eva back at her place of work in Miami.
If Eva hated her own species, that meant she also hated what she was.
Just like I hate what I am.
He knew better than anyone that hating your own self was no way to live. Darius spent his entire immortal life believing himself to be a monster for what he was. He hated what he was, finding it difficult to look at his own reflection. Was it possible she felt the same way about herself? Did she wish she was something other than a sorceress? Considering the way she spoke about other sorceresses, it seemed she did. He wanted to tell her she shouldn’t think so negatively about herself, but who was he to talk? How could he expect to convince her to accept what he couldn’t learn to accept himself?
