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“You were a child, Grace,” he says. “There’s nothing you could’ve done.”
I shake my head. I know deep down that I couldn’t have saved her, but it doesn’t make the pain any less real. “I just sat there, listening, waiting for it all to end.”
“How did you feel?” He takes the handkerchief from me and wipes my cheeks.
“Sad,” I tell him. “Scared... Helpless.”
He offers a small smile. “But you’re not helpless anymore.”
I meet his gaze. He seems to believe what he’s saying, that I’m stronger than I feel. I want to believe the same thing. That I’m not the same little girl with no power or agency. If I don’t want my father’s rage to bleed into this and every other aspect of my life, then I need to show myself that I’m at least on the road to healing.
Motioning for Aidan to open the cellar door, I brace myself for the rush of emotions that await me. With a final reassuring glance, Aidan closes the door, leaving me alone in the most triggering room in the house.
Before the memories can flood in, I force myself to concentrate on my breathing. Inhale, hold for two counts, exhale for four counts. Over and over.
More than once, I feel the panic rise up my throat like bile. But I push it down. I hold it back. I’m not a little girl hiding in a closet. I’m in Aidan’s house, surrounded by Aidan’s things, and he’s right behind this door, waiting for me. I want to make him proud.
I want to make both of us proud.
Finally, the door opens.
Aidan moves aside so I can step out into the laundry room.
“You did very well, little one,” he says.
“Thank you, Sir.” I’m crying, but the tears are silent.
He hands me back his handkerchief so I can dry my eyes. I sigh as his hands come to land on my shoulders.
“I know how difficult that was for you,” he says. “You may name your reward.”
I’m so emotionally weary, I don’t even blush when I tell him, “A kiss.”
He sighs and shakes his head, though not in response to me. More like he knew where this was going, and he let it go there anyway.
“All right, little one. You’ll get your kiss.”
My pulse beats like hummingbird wings. I tilt my face back and close my eyes.
This is it. He’s finally going to kiss me.
His hands disappear. At the sound of footsteps receding, my eyes snap open.
“Where are you going?” I call after Aidan.
“You didn’t specify that you wanted it today.”
I scoff as he rounds the corner.
“Fucking sadist,” I mutter.
