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Chapter 15 - Jade: Regret or Revelation
I felt the sun’s rays streaming in from the window. I could hear the birds chirping. My muscles felt spent. I stretched my arms out only to pause when everything came rushing back to me like a tidal wave.
I looked down at my body and saw my naked chest exposed. I quickly covered myself with the blanket lying on top of me. I looked around the room in search of Grayson. I was alone.
Had he left me in the cabin alone? We had said that it would stay within these walls, but a part of me was hurt, thinking that he would leave me.
If I was being very honest, I didn’t know what I would have said to him had he been in the room with me when I woke up. Where would I even begin?
‘Thanks for the mind-blowing sex, buddy. You can go back to hating me.’
I knew I should have regretted sleeping with him last night, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I didn’t regret it. If logic allowed, I would have asked him to have sex with me again.
I had thought that the beast within my core would have been satisfied with what she had gotten but she was insatiable as ever. She wanted more and was begging for me to give it to her.
I heard the door creek open, and I looked up to find a shirtless Grayson walking with two mugs of coffee. The instant relief I felt when I realized he hadn’t left me should have worried me, but I chose to ignore it. I was probably just overly emotional with everything that happened.
“Good morning,” I said to him meekly, suddenly feeling incredibly shy.
“Morning.” He handed me one of the coffee cups and sat at the edge of the bed beside me. He stared out the large windows in the master bedroom, taking small sips of his coffee.
I took a sip of mine and resisted the urge to moan in delight. He remembered my coffee order right down to the tee.
We sat in uncomfortable silence. Grayson stared out the window, deep in thought, while I stole glances at him. I wanted to say something, but I didn’t even know where to begin. I was treading uncharted territory here.
Grayson turned his head to me, and his chocolate brown eyes bore into my blue ones. There was something in his eyes that had my stomach fluttering and my heart pounding but, as quickly as it came, it left.
He drew his walls back up again, and I was shut out once more. I shouldn’t have expected anything less of him due to our past.
Now was as good of an opportunity as any to tell him the truth and let him know exactly how it all happened and how it all played out. He needed to know, and he deserved to know but I feared that his hatred for me would grow even more so.
I reached for my necklace out of habit, seeking the comfort and peace it usually brought me.
“That can never happen again, Jade.” His voice came out hard. “It shouldn’t have happened in the first place, but we were both blinded by lust. But now we have got it out of our systems, it can never be repeated.”
I wanted to fight him on it. It wasn’t out of my system. There was still so much there for us to empty, and I wasn’t just talking about the sex. For years, I had run and distanced myself from this place, and I had run from all of my problems, thinking it would make them all go away.
If yesterday had taught me anything, it was that it didn’t matter how far I had run, because my problems were still there, exactly where I had left them.
“Grayson, I need to tell you something.” I looked down at my coffee, feeling the nerves take over me completely. “About the night that I left—”
“Let sleeping dogs lie, Jade. I don’t need to know any of those details, and you don’t need to tell me. The past is the past and nothing you say to me will change anything now. There is too much…” His voice trailed off for a moment. “…emotion in the past for me to ever be able to forgive you. What you did to me and to us is something no apology will ever fix.”
His words cut like knives. I clutched my mug even tighter in my hands. I should have just told him what I needed to tell him. If he accepted what I said, then fine; we would move on from there. If he didn’t care about what I said, then we would move on from there, but I found myself complying with his demands.
“Okay.” I nodded in understanding. “So we go back to you hating me and me pretending it doesn’t affect me.”
The last part hadn’t meant to come out. Grayson gave me a look that told me that I needed to shut up. I looked away from him, suddenly feeling incredibly frustrated. I knew having sex with him would lead to such repercussions, but I had done it anyway because I was stupid.
He stood from the bed and looked down at me. “We can start walking back when you finish the coffee. You can take whatever you want from the drawer to dress.”
He turned to leave the room.
“Do you hate me, Grayson?” He stopped and turned around to face me. “I understand what I did was horrible, and it hurt you, but I had my reasons. I would like to tell you those reasons now.”
“No,” he said almost instantly. “What good would it do us, Jade? If you thought that us fucking was some declaration of my love for you, I’m sorry to disappoint you, but it was simply just that—a good fuck.”
I winced at his words.
