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There was no point in lying now. I had already started, no use stopping.
“When we went to Amberbay.”
“When you told me you had to see a patient?”
I nodded.
Grayson let out a humorless laugh. He shook his head in disbelief. I had half-expected him to punch me in the face, but he didn’t. I had also expected him to be exploding and throwing out profanities, but he was calmer than I had anticipated.
“I want to be mad, but I can’t. How can I be mad at you for sleeping with my sister when I am doing the same to you?” He took a big swig of his beer. “I’m not so sure if I should be telling you this, but she has had the biggest crush on you for the longest time. Anyone with eyes could see how much she liked you. I might even go as far as to say she loves you.”
“What?”
“You were the only one who couldn’t see it. I didn’t know if it was because you just weren’t interested in her, or you just chose to ignore her.” He let out a soft chuckle. “I was actually kind of glad you didn’t see her. It saved me a lot of trouble back in high school. But I guess a part of me always knew that, one day, you would see her, and I would be powerless to stop whatever happened between you two.”
This was all news to me. I had never even noticed Lily like that. How could I have?
She was my best friend’s little sister. I still remembered her first tooth falling out. I still remembered pulling her piggy tails when I would tease. I had never thought of Lily like that because I always figured I was never allowed to.
She was off limits then and I was even sure she was off limits now.
“I had no idea.”
“How could you? You had so much on your plate with school and your mom. I was surprised you even remembered to eat back then.”
I chanced a look at Grayson. He looked lost in thought. Whatever was going on in his mind seemed to be weighing on him with each passing second.
“Is that why you came here? To ask if Lily and I are still hooking up?”
He cast a look my way. “Yes and no. The real reason I came over was because I wanted to apologize. You’ve been going through it, and as your best friend, I should have been there. I should have stood with you instead of leaving you alone to deal with whatever you had to deal with.”
“Look, man, it’s okay. We don’t have to…”
“Just let me get this out.” He let out a heavy breath. “I don’t know what exactly you are dealing with but your issues with your mom aren’t Jade’s fault. You are punishing your sister for trying to make a better life for herself. Whatever resentments you still hold with your mom should not extend to Jade. She is your sister, and it has been killing her these past few months knowing that she can’t talk to you or be there for you.”
I felt a lump lodge itself in my throat.
“What Lily said to me last night really hit home for me. She had been in so much pain, and I hadn’t even seen it. The worst part was that I was a major contributing factor to that pain. I hadn’t stood by her. She had made all those reckless decisions because she was crying out for help, but I had chosen to be deaf.
“Jade loves you man and, believe it or not, she did stay in Riverroad for you as much as she did for me. You are her home. She tries to fake it, but I can tell how hurt not speaking to you has been for her. One thing I’ve learned in life is that time is short. It’s not worth carrying this heavy load. You need to let go before it all consumes you.”
He patted me on the shoulder.
“Sort through your shit and stop letting it ruin your present. Your mom is gone. It sucks, I know, but she isn’t coming back. You can’t keep holding onto things that you cannot change. And you cannot resent your sister for wanting to choose a better life for herself.”
My eyes started to sting. He was right.
“We are two mother fuckers who carry a lot of baggage, but I learned to offload mine so that I could be with the woman that I love. You need to offload yours so that you don’t miss out on the opportunities that are staring you right in the face.”
I let out a shaky breath, trying to keep as composed as possible. This was not how I had intended to spend my Friday afternoon. But he was right. I had allowed so much of what had happened between my mother to affect so much of my present day.
Jade was the last family I had. I had placed all those negative feelings I had upon her, and she hadn’t deserved it.
“Do you love my sister?”
His question caught me off guard. I looked to my best friend who was staring at me with a straight face. My heart hammered in my chest, completely overtaken with emotions.
Did I love Lily? I hadn’t allowed myself to ponder on that question because, every time I had thought about it, I quickly got rid of the idea. It was a luxury I hadn’t permitted myself to have.
