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The reception was in full swing. Two hours in and people were fed, and the bubbly was flowing. Fran, Amy and Jade were dancing to the music while the men chatted in the corner. Everyone was having a great time, and so was I, but I would be lying if said I wasn’t a little sad.
I always thought that, when I started my family, I would be married to a man I loved, and I would have had the wedding of my dreams. I had a perfect son that I would not trade for the world, but I was just missing that love. I knew I didn’t need it, but it never stopped me from longing after it.
I was standing outside, staring out at the starry sky, when I felt a presence come up from behind me. Even without turning around, I already knew who it was,
“Why are you out here alone?”
His voice sent chills of pleasure down my spine. I looked over my shoulder at Gavin. He had his tie undone but everything else on his was sheer perfection.
“Just needed a little breather. It’s been a busy week and an even busier day.”
He nodded and stepped up beside me. His scent attacked my nose, and it took everything in me not to breathe it in greedily.
“Penny for your thoughts?“
I was silent for a moment, staring down at my champagne flute. I wanted to say something, but I worried that if I said it, it would become real. And real was scary for me. I didn’t like real because real made me vulnerable, and I swore to myself that I would never let myself get back there.
There was no security in vulnerability. There was no assurance of safety and peace. You only hoped that the person you chose to let see all of you didn’t break you and more times than not that person found a way to kill you.
But Gavin felt like safety and peace.
“Do you…” I began, “do you believe in destiny?”
“Like fate?”
I nodded my head. “Like, do you believe that everything in this world happens for a reason? That every pain and failure has a purpose?”
He thought over it for a moment. “I do. Sometimes paths need to diverge in order to collide again. I believe that sometimes we can only ever rebuild ourselves from broken places.” There was something in his voice that told me he understood those words more than ever. “Do you? Believe in fate, I mean.”
“I’m starting to,” I breathed, staring up at the stars. “For a long time in my life, I didn’t understand why I had to be so attached to someone like Arthur. It wasn’t like the man treated me fairly or kindly. I remember questioning myself time and time again. Why couldn’t I let go? Maybe it was a dependency on him or a fear of being alone. The relationship was highly toxic and mentally abusive but, out of it, I got Axel.”
I didn’t know why I was telling him all of this, but I just knew that I wanted to. I was trying what Maddy and Lily had said. I was slowly lowering down the defenses, and I was shit scared.
He hummed in agreement. “He has a great mom. You birthed a good one.”
“I was blessed with a good one.”
We stood silently next to each other, but the electricity between us was all around us. I could feel the heat radiating off his body. I wanted nothing more than to reach out and grab his hand in mine.
“Shooting star,” he said, pointing to the sky. I caught it just in time before it disappeared. “Make a wish.”
I wish I could tear down my walls, so I could finally let love in. So I could finally let him in.
“What did you wish for?” My voice was soft, but I was sure that he had heard me even above the loud noise.
“Something that I have wanted for a really long time.” I felt the back of his hand brush my hair over my shoulder. He rested his hand on the back of my neck. His touch was electric. I felt it in every fiber of my being.
I turned to look at him. “What’s that?”
His eyes flicked down to my lips and then back up to my eyes and then down to my lips again. His tongue darted out and licked his lips. His actions sent heat all over my body. To hell with it. I was going after what I wanted even if meant I would have a mess to clean up later.
“Kiss me,” I said, surprised by my boldness.
“Fucking finally,” I whispered before crushing his lips down onto mine.
I had wondered for weeks what this man tasted like and now I knew. He tasted like pure sweet ecstasy. A drug that I was hooked on and refused to let go of. He was every good and sweet thing, but he was also temptation and sin. I melted into him as his arm wound its way around my waste. I dropped my glass onto the grass and wound my arms around his neck.
All I could think wasfinally.
I had just started something that I wasn’t 100% sure that I would be able to finish. But I was, for sure, going to enjoy the ride that I was on while it lasted, and I prayed for my heart’s sake that it lasted for a while.
