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Tali
For the next six months,my life revolved around work, school, and headlines. I scoured for news on Jude each day. Some days, seeing his name in print was like a hit from the purest drug. Other days, it was a thousand shallow cuts across my skin.
Never Again’s hit single, “Human Nature,” stays in Billboard’s Top 40 for ten weeks straight.
Never Again front man, Jude Goldman, trashes hotel room.
That first week I’d laid on my bed listening to “Hurt” on repeat. It was my desert island song, and I’d never felt more forlorn or deserted than I did then. On the seventh day, my dad had come into my room, taken the stereo remote from me, and told me if I wanted to continue torturing myself with that song, I’d have to get out of bed to replay it each time.
I’d moved out of their house and into a tiny apartment with Nina two weeks later, so I could torture myself in the privacy of my own home.
When their CD released, I’d been the first in line to buy it. Before I played it, I’d flipped through the liner notes, needing to know.
We’d like to thank…
Tali Stripes, for being such a great friend to the band…
Reading that had cut deep. Jude had left me alone, but he hadn’t stopped hurting me. I couldn’t move on, not when I saw his face on TV, heard his voice on the radio, and read his name in headlines.
Never Again front man punches photographer, arrested for assault.
Jude Goldman seen out with newest Hollywood “it” girl.
Nina had set me up on a blind date with a guy in her philosophy class. It had been five months since my breakup with Jude, and although I was nowhere near ready for another relationship, I’d gone on the date.
Kyle had floppy hair and a wallet chain. He played guitar, but only for fun. His future was in teaching. He planned on becoming a high school English teacher, shaping young minds and all that.
He was also a huge fan of Never Again.
At the end of the night, he’d hugged me and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I went inside my apartment and vomited on my welcome mat. Then I yelled at Nina for setting me up with a guy who was a perfect blend of Jude and Ben. How had she not seen that? I’d played “Hurt” until I fell asleep.
It had been almost exactly six months to the day when I saw the headline I couldn’t have prepared myself for. I stared at it for a long time, not understanding it at first. I turned my laptop toward Nina.
“What does this mean?”
She muted the TV and turned to look at the screen. She gasped. “No. He wouldn’t.”
“Read it to me. My brain isn’t understanding what it says.”
Her eyes were so full of sympathy, mine filled with tears. “Read it, Neens. Say the words.”
She nodded, sucking in a deep breath. “It says ‘Never Again front man, Jude Goldman, marries childhood sweetheart in Las Vegas wedding chapel.’”
“I thought that was what it said, but I had trouble believing it.”
Beneath the headline was a picture of Jude and Claudia with Elvis behind them, holding up their hands to show off their wedding rings.
Wedding rings.
“I’m letting him go.”
My laptop shut with a click.
“You mean it?” Nina asked.
“Yeah. I think...I think I have to.”
I’d spent six months surviving only on the scraps of Jude I consumed from newspapers and websites. This wasn’t living and I refused to keep doing this to myself, not when this man who I’d promised forever to had given his forever away to someone else.
Taking a deep breath, I was resolved. This was how it had to be.
In a cramped, one-bedroom apartment in New York City, I did what I should have done a long time ago. I let Jude go.
