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“This should be enough to keep you here,” she whispered, closing her eyes in rapture.
It should have. It was. The way we were together was everything. Maybe it was me who wasn’t enough to stay.
Fucking Tali was pure, sweet torment. Nothing had ever felt better or worse.
Her eyes opened, and her legs fell to the side. “Come on me.”
I frowned at her in question. “Where?”
Her fingers slid on her belly and traced her breasts. “All over me. I don’t want you to come in that condom.”
“Baby.” I squeezed my eyes shut.
“Do it, Jude. This is what I want.”
I slid out of her and ripped the condom off. Her hand joined mine, and we both jerked my cock. My release ripped through me, my muscles clenching as I came in spurts on Tali’s stomach and chest, leaving puddles of white all over her.
“Fuck!” I roared. Her hand covered my mouth in an attempt to muffle me, but there was no quieting down. Not with how Tali looked right now.
I collapsed next to her, pulling her close, smearing us both with my cum. She sighed, content, snuggling into my chest.
We were quiet for a while, breathing each other in, prolonging the moment.
She let out a little giggle. “I feel gross now.”
I huffed a laugh, still holding her. “Me too. But I also don’t want to move.”
She pushed against me. “Move anyway. I’m not falling asleep like this.”
Heaving a breath, I got out of bed and went into the adjoining bathroom. I cleaned myself off quickly while running the water to warm it for Tali. Picked up my bottle of pills, I rolled it around between my palms, then stowed it away.Not now.I’d take one in a bit, when Tali fell asleep, so I could shut it all off. Quiet my noisy brain.
She was waiting for me, propped up on the bed, looking so fucking beautiful, it staggered me. With great care and a gentle touch, I wiped my filth from her pristine skin, kissing her shoulders and neck while I worked.
Before we settled in bed together, Tali pulled on her T-shirt and panties, so I tossed on my boxers. We used to always sleep naked, but things changed—we changed.
Tali settled into my arms, her head on my chest. After a moment or two, I felt her hot tears dripping down my skin. With my knuckles, I tipped her chin to see her face.
“What’s wrong, Stripes? Talk to me.”
She inhaled deeply, like she was preparing for an endurance test. “If I said we could be together if you got clean and stayed that way, would you?”
My heart screamed and yelled and flailed its veiny arms. “Yes, fucking yes! OfcourseI will. Anything, baby,anythingto have you.”
But those words didn’t leave my mouth. I’d broken too many promises to make another one I wasn’t sure I could fulfill.
“I can’t make that promise, Stripes. I really fucking want to. More than anything. But I’m nowhere near a place where I can. Not without lying to you.”
Her hand shook as she touched my cheek, eyes brimming with tears. Mine burned hot, my chest aching like it had been torn open and sewn back together. I wanted those pills in the bathroom. I was this close to letting go of Tali to go take them.
“At least you’re finally telling me the truth.” She touched my cheek quietly for a minute before speaking again. “You know what I’ve been thinking about a lot lately?”
I pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “What, baby?”
“I think about your birthday. You’ll be twenty-seven in a few months. I keep wondering if you’ll be another name on the Forever 27 Club list. Will you be the next Jimi Hendrix or Kurt Cobain or Amy Winehouse? Did you know they all died at twenty-seven? Janis Joplin and Jim Morrison too.” A sob shook her shoulders, but she took a deep breath, pushing her tears away. Her fingers curled into my bare chest. “I keep thinking what it’ll feel like to see your name on that list. For someone to update the Wikipedia page, adding Jude Goldman to that mythical, tragic club.”
She tore me up inside. “Tali…”
She propped herself up, peering down on me. “I always thought it was an interesting, quirky fact that all these musicians died at twenty-seven, you know? I guess it didn’t occur to me how loved they must have been. That they had fathers and mothers and siblings and girlfriends who mourned them like their own hearts had died.” Tali combed her fingers through my hair, then rested her hand on my chest. “It isn’t just a list. They’re people who were loved, but love wasn’t enough to save them. I don’t know how to save you, Jude. I don’t even know if you want to be saved. But please,pleasepromise me you won’t be on that list.”
