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Sure, she had her jewelry business, but that wasn’t what shereallywanted to do with her life. She saw the great money that Elite brought in and decided to give it a try herself. Now, she was attaching herself to a whole other man, and Jacintha didn’t know what the fuck to do to stop that soul tie from forming.
“I can’t keep doing this to Elite.”
“What do you mean?”
“I let that man fuck me raw, girl, and I have no clue why. I mean… I can say I was caught up in the moment but shit. I think I’m getting attached to his ass.”
Bianca chuckled. “I mean… You don’t have a lot of experience with casual sex or having male friends for that matter, Jah. Of course, you’re going to get attached. That’s normal. It will only be a problem if you don’t have boundaries in place or know how to detach when the time comes.”
Jacintha shook her head. “Nah. I’m not built for this life. I can’t juggle both of these men. I’ll end up spending the whole day with Henry and forget I got a husband at home. Being with him is fresh and fun. And exciting. Effortless. It takes too much for me and Elite to get on that wave these days, and it’s not because of anything he’s doing wrong. It just doesn’t feel right anymore.”
“Well, shit. If you enjoy being around him that much… maybe that’s a sign that it’s time for you and Elite to go your separate ways. Not necessarily to be with Henry, but if a nigga got you feeling like that, you might need to be single for a while, best friend. At least separate and figure some things out.”
With a sigh, Jacintha shook her head. “You know how I feel about divorce. Marriage is supposed to be forever.”
“Even if you’re unhappy? Cheating? What’s the point of that?”
“I don’t know, B. I just…” Jacintha shrugged. “I thought it would be a onetime thing, you know? But I want more.” Her eyes watered and head hung. “I feel like I’ve gone from one serious situation to the next with Dedrick and Elite. I’m at a point in my life where I want to do what makes me happy, and I can honestly say that’s not being a wife and mother.” Scoffing, Jacintha covered her face. “I feel so selfish even saying that.”
“That’s your truth. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about that either.”
“You’re right. I don’t know. Maybe I’ll ask Elite if we can separate for six months or a year so I can focus on myself. If we fuck off with other people in the meantime, it is what it is. But I can’t keep living like this. I feel like I’m losing myself in my roles, and I don’t think I’ve ever really known the real me, to be honest.”
“I agree. I mean, you didn’t even want to go to college, but you did to satisfy your parents. You picked a random ass major and got a degree you can’t use the way you want to. Then you had kids and devoted your whole life to them. Now you’re with the same man every day of your life. You’ve never really lived your life because your parents sheltered you so much. I don’t blame your ass for wanting to wild out a little bit now. What I will say is if you’re going to continue to fuck around with Henry, definitely separate from Elite. You don’t want to catch feelings for Henry and start making mistakes. That’s when shit starts hitting the fan.”
“That’s what I’m afraid of. Elite is so safe. I know my heart is safe with him. I know I’ll probably regret losing him if I did, but… I think I have to take that risk. I’m not appreciating and treating him the way he deserves right now anyway. Might as well let him go.”
Bianca didn’t reply, and Jacintha was grateful for the silence.
She needed time to think.
A big decision needed to be made, and she had to choose between herself or her husband. Just saying it, the choice was as clear as crystal. Jacintha would need to choose herself for once, and all she could do was pray she didn’t regret it in the long run.
four
Elite
“Aye,let me holla at you before you go,” Aiyden requested, to which Elite nodded.
The entire crew had met up for their monthly poker game. This month, it was at Supreme’s home. Though Elite was in no rush to leave, he’d been trying to do better about spending the entire weekend out of the house. Jacintha hardly ever wanted to do the things he wanted to do, but that didn’t justify him staying away from her from sunup to sundown. Maybe him just staying in the house long enough for her to suggest an activity would help deepen their connection again.
Typically, Elite would make it home by one in the morning, but it was going on ten that evening, and that was damn good progress for him. He considered stopping by her favorite spot in the hood to grab some fried fish and hot wings so they could listen to some music and dance or watch movies and have their own little party.
“You good?” Elite checked as they walked to the front door.
“Yeah, I’m good. I saw some shit and I said I wasn’t going to say nothing about it.”
Chuckling, Elite nodded. “What made you change your mind?”
“Spirit told me to tell you when you said you was about to go.”
Once they were outside, Elite turned to the side to face Aiyden. “Is this about my wife?”
Aiyden nodded. “Yeah. And you know I ain’t about messing up anyone’s happiness, so if you don’t want to me to tell you, I will respect that.”
Elite thought about it briefly. If Jacintha was fucking off, he definitely wanted to know. While some people preferred to remain in their ignorant bliss bubble, Elite preferred to be hurt with the truth when it came to certain things, and cheating was at the top of that list. Not just because of the physical act and betrayal, but also because of how disrespectful it would be for Jacintha to do the only thing he asked her not to do.
She wouldn’t have been simply giving her body to another man, she would have been triggering him and forcing him to relive what started the most traumatic period of his life. No one who loved him would put him through that, and if that was the woman he was married to, Elite would have to end their marriage ASAP.
