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“Sincere…”
“If you give a fuck about me and my heart, that should be your only concern, Faith. I’m not discussing that other bullshit.”
Her voice was so quiet, he barely heard her as she said, “That’s beyond my control.” Finally, her tears started falling. She may have been more prepared than he was for her death, but this… this display of emotion… this was what he needed to know she hadn’t completely given up. “But I can control finding a replacement for you.” Faith stood. She tried to take his hands into hers, but he pulled them away. “I know you don’t want to think about it, but there’s a sixty percent chance that I won’t beat it this time, baby. Please don’t take away the peace I will need to accept that. I need to know you’re going to be okay.”
“I won’t,” he seethed, gripping her arms tightly. “I won’t be okay without you. So again, if you need peace to leave me, you will have to die without it, because I will never allow you to fix me up with someone else. There is no one else.”
Her head hung and shook before she made her way into his chest. Eyes closed, Sincere wrapped his arms around her and rested his chin on top of her head. Yeah, he knew that way of thinking was toxic as hell. Maybe he loved his wifetoofucking much. He didn’t care that love wasn’t attachment and it wasn’t safe to be so needy of her. All he cared about was the vow he took to love her forever, and forever would have to last a hell of a lot longer than a few fucking months or years.
* * *
“I just don’t know anymore,Sin,” Keisha said softly.
They’d met up for drinks because she was really the only person Sincere trusted to discuss Faith’s situation with. Two weeks had passed since she came to him with the bullshit idea of fixing him up with another woman, and things had definitely been worse between them ever since.
He couldn’t remember the last time they’d had sex, and she wasn’t even trying to suck his dick. Sincere could get past that, but her moods had gotten worse too. Even though the support group he was in warned him that he’d be the main person she would take her pain and frustration out on, Sincere still wasn’t prepared. He said he could handle it, but the constant disrespect or neglect and companionship altogether was starting to eat at him.
“I’m trying to have faith,” Keisha continued, “but this time is different.”
“What do you mean?”
“How it’s affecting her. Not just physically but emotionally and mentally as well. In the past, she never lost her hair or weight, but she’s doing both now. And the fact that she’s adamantly preparing to die just… really scares me. Like… I can’t imagine losing her. I can’t prepare for that. And she’s just so… calm about it. It’s messing with me.”
“I feel you. A part of me feels so much pride because she’s handling this with such grace, but the other part of me wants to strangle her and tell her to put that energy behind fighting. But I guess she’s doing everything she can.”
“Yeah. That’s what messes with me most. Feeling like there’s literally nothing she or we can do. We literally just have to wait. And the thought of waiting for her to die…”
Keisha looked away as her eyes watered. Sincere covered her hand with his.
“I don’t want to think about that. She’s created a bucket list of things she wants to do while she still has time. I think we should just… focus on helping her complete that list and create some good memories in the process.”
Releasing a shaky breath, Keisha nodded as she wiped her tears away before they could fall.
“That sounds like a good idea.” She whimpered between sniffles and choppy breaths.
Sincere smiled softly as he stood and pulled Keisha into his arms, and she sobbed even harder.
“It’s gonna be okay,” he assured. “We’re gonna get through this together.”
Keisha held him tighter as Sincere pushed his own tears back.
9
Faith
Faith tossedthe pen onto her desk and released a sigh of frustration. All of the women she’d gotten to meet her after work had been rejections. None of them seemed good enough for Sincere, and Faith was starting to believe this would be harder than she thought. On the profile she created, she specifically added qualities that she possessed to ensure the women she met with would be a good match, but now, she was starting to wonder if she needed to do the opposite.
There was something about seeing women who shared her same qualities that felt like a mirror… a mirror that showed her the good and bad of herself and how those things complemented her husband. If she was going to convince him to give another woman a chance, there would be no room for flaws or errors. She would have to be everything Faith wasn’t and everything Sincere craved.
The soft knock on the door gained her attention. Looking up, Faith smiled at the dark-skinned, beautiful woman.
“Hi, I’m looking for Faith?”
Faith stood. “That’s me. Come on in.”
She entered, shaking Faith’s hand before sitting in the chair across from hers. “I can’t believe you’re real,” she confessed with a smile.
“Why not?”
