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He takes a deep breath in and then slowly lets it out, resolve spreading across his face.
“Okay.” The word is barely off his lips before his hands come up to cup my face on both sides. “I’ll go to California. I’ll take the job, and I’ll live my life. But do not for one second think that this is me walking away again. I know what I want now, Tess. In fact, it’s never been clearer. I’ve grown up a lot over the years, and I’ve learned some very valuable life lessons—as I’m sure you have as well. We’re not the same kids we once were, and yet when I look at you, it’s like I’m seventeen all over again; neither time nor distance has lessened my love for you. I’ve made my choice, Tess, and I choose you. I don’t care if I have to wait five more years—
you aremygirl, and I will wait as long as I have to.”
“Don’t do that,” I croak. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep. You don’t know what the future holds. You don’t know where you’ll be come that time. You might move to California and meet the girl of your dreams.”
“I’ve already met her,” he cuts me off. “And she’s the most fucking beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”
“Sebastian.”
“I’m serious, Tess. You are mine. You’ve always been mine. I don’t care what you tell yourself or your boyfriend—facts are facts, and deep down you know who you belong to. This.” He slides a hand to my chest and splays his palm on top of my raging heart. “This knows who it belongs to. And when it’s ready, when you’re ready, I’ll be waiting.”
With that, he leans forward and presses a soft kiss to my cheek. I hold my breath, waiting, hoping that his lips will find mine next. I know I shouldn’t want it. I know how wrong it is. But I can’t help it.
Disappointment settles in my chest the instant he pulls back, followed by an immense wave of guilt.
What the hell is wrong with me?
I’ve finally found someone new, someone who makes me happy, and here I am willing to throw it all away for one kiss that will likely only succeed in hurting me further.
I know Sebastian says he’ll wait, but I’m not entirely sure what he’s going to be waiting for. I don’t know what the future holds or where my life will go. And he can’t promise me that he does either.
“Until then,” he finally murmurs before stepping away.
I feel the loss of him everywhere, and it’s deafening. My body pleads with me to bring him back. To pull him close and never let him go because he’s right—
itknows where it belongs.Iknow where I belong.
But things aren’t always so black and white.
I open my mouth just as Sebastian turns away, but nothing comes out. I watch him shove his hands into his pockets and tilt his head toward the ground, and for what feels like the hundredth time, I watch him walk away.
With each step he takes I want to call out to him, to stop him. But words and actions fail me.
Maybe it’s because I’m afraid. I’m afraid to go there with him again only to have it all fall apart.
Maybe it’s because deep down I know it would never work, and I don’t think I could survive the loss of him a second time. In fact, I know I wouldn’t.
Maybe it’s because of the happiness Bennett has brought to my life over the past few months and that I’m not ready to walk away from him yet because what we have could be incredible—couldbeing the operative word.
Or maybe it’s a combination of all of these things that has me rooted to the spot, unable to stop Sebastian from walking away.
***
“I can’t believe you told him where to find me,” I seethe, repeating the same statement I’ve said several times since finding out Courtney is the one who gave Sebastian the address to my dorm. “You’re supposed to be on my side here.”
“I am on your side,” Court objects.
“Then how could you just let him show up here and not even give me the slightest heads up about it?” I pace back and forth inside my small dorm room, unable to shake the nervous jittery feeling I’ve had since the moment Sebastian arrived.
“Because I didn’t think he’d actually do it,” she cuts in.
“And you didn’t think I deserved to know that it was even a possibility? He showed up here to find me with Bennett, Court. Do you have any idea the position that put me in?”
“I’m sorry, okay? I just…”
“You just what?” I snap, directing my frustration at her when I know it’s not her fault.
