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“I’m not sure why I did.” My voice shakes slightly. “What do you want, Sebastian?”
I finally meet his gaze, and what I see there has a year full of agony rushing to the surface. Every sleepless night, every painful day, every single tear I cried hits me all at once. One look and I’m reliving every single moment of the hell I’ve endured over the past year. And something about the look in his eyes tells me I wasn’t alone in that hell like I assumed I was.
“I don’t know.” He shuffles his feet, looking downward like he’s not sure what to say. I think it’s the first time I’ve ever seen Sebastian Baxter look unsure of himself. “I just—fuck, I don’t know, Tess. This was supposed to be easy. I was supposed to come home, show up for my cousin’s wedding, and then slip back out like I was never here. I didn’t expect to see you, and I sure as hell wasn’t prepared for how I would feel when I did.”
“I’m sorry I screwed up your plans,” I say bitterly, his words cutting right through me. It only confirms what I think I’ve known all along; he never had any plans to come back for me.
“It’s not like that, Tess.” He sighs, adjusting the ball cap on his head before shoving his hands into his pockets, his gaze finally meeting mine again.
“No? Then what’s it like, Sebastian? Because from where I’m standing that’s exactly how it looks,” I bite, anger lacing my voice.
If he came here just to ruin this night like he’s ruined so many other things, I swear I’ll never forgive him. He can’t keep doing this to me.
“I’m just trying to say that when I saw you it reaffirmed everything I’ve been trying to convince myself wasn’t true for the last year.”
“Which is what?”
“That I’m still in love with you.” It leaves his mouth in a rush, and instantly I can feel tears stinging the back of my eyes.
“As if there was a doubt that you didn’t?” I choke out. “Clearly we have very different views of this relationship because not loving you versus loving you was never even a thought that crossed my mind. Because I do love you. I love you as much as I did the day you left. And the fact that you’re standing here telling me that you had convinced yourself that you didn’t love me anymore speaks volumes, Sebastian.”
“That’s not what I meant. Nothing is coming out right.” I can tell he’s frustrated with himself, and yet he still can’t seem to do anything but dig himself further into the hole he’s currently burying himself in.
“Then perhaps you should’ve just let thingsbeinstead of showing up here in the middle of prom to tell me that you don’t love me anymore.” I swipe angrily at a tear that skates down my cheek. “You took away this experience last year, and now you’ve come back to finish the job. Why? Because you don’t want me to be happy?”
“I do want you to be happy,” he objects.
“Then you shouldn’t have come here.”
“I know. I know, okay?” His voice goes up a notch, and I can tell he’s starting to lose his temper. “And I don’t know why I couldn’t just fucking stay away. But I just couldn’t. Because I do still love you, Tess. Fuck, I love you so much it’s fucking killing me.”
“And it took seeing me on a date with someone else for you to reach this epiphany?” I stand strong even though everything inside of me wants to embrace what he just said.
“Of course not,” he scoffs.
“Then what? What it is, Sebastian?” I square my shoulders in an effort to exert a strength I’m not sure I even possess. “It’s been a year.” My voice breaks, but I quickly recover. “A year, Sebastian! You leave me with promises that this isn’t forever and then you disappear from my life without so much as a goodbye, and then a full year passes before I hear from you. And even then it’s only because we ran into each other. How long would it have been if we hadn’t, Sebastian, huh? How long would I have gone on not hearing from you? Another year? Two? Ten? Did you ever plan on calling me, texting me, just checking in on me in general? Did I mean so little to you?”
“You mean everything to me, Tess!” This seems to be his last straw, and the words rip from his throat with a desperation I’ve never heard from him before. “You still do. Everything. I’ve spent the last year trying to convince myself that I didn’t love you anymore because admitting to myself that I do, and I let you go, was just too painful. I thought I was doing okay. I thought I was living. But then I saw you and suddenly this fog lifted, and I realized that nothing had been right since the day I left. Not one fucking thing.”
“Sebastian.” I lose my battle, tears falling down my cheeks in quick succession one after the other.
“I didn’t come here to hurt you, Tess.” He steps into me, pulling me against his chest.
My anger evaporates so quickly it’s like it was never there at all. I instantly melt into his embrace, breathing in his scent like it’s the first time I’m smelling it.
“I came here because I just needed you to know that I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for everything,” He continues.
“I’m sorry, too.” I tighten my arms around his middle, realizing that memories have nothing on the real thing.
“I tried to stop myself from coming. I swear I did. But I knew if I didn’t come that I’d regret it.”
I don’t dare look up at him, knowing I’d probably drown in emotion if I did. Instead, I savor the moment—the feeling of his arms around me—knowing there’s no place I’d rather be than right here.
“Dance with me?” He finally speaks again after a long moment of silence. Sliding his hand under my chin he forces my face upward before taking my arms and wrapping them around his neck as he pulls my body flush with his.
“Here?” I question, looking around to see if there’s anyone else around.
Given that the entrance to the dance is on the other side of the school, it’s unlikely many people will have a reason to come back here, but the thought still makes me feel vulnerable and on display.
