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“I don’t know,” I finally answer on a long sigh.
“You don’t know?” He arches a brow at me, his confusion apparent.
“I mean, I loved Kam. For years I thought I was in love with him. I never loved anyone else. He had my heart and didn’t even know it. But now…” I trail off, not sure how to put the next part into words.
“Now what?” Kane leans forward, disconnecting my hands that I’ve unknowingly knotted in front of me.
“Now I’m not sure if I was in love with him or if I just loved him so much I thought I was. Does that make sense?”
“Yes and no.” He answers truthfully.
“I loved him. I still love him, but things are different now.”
“What changed?”
“You.” I say seconds before his hand comes up to cup my face.
“Do you remember what you said to me last night?” he asks, his thumb tracing along my bottom lip.
“About what?”
“You woke up in the middle of the night and you said something to me. Do you remember what you said?”
“I said something to you last night?” I question, my stomach hollowing out as I try to rack my brain for any hint of what he’s talking about. Only I come up blank.
“Mm hmm.” He leans forward so only a couple inches separate our faces, his hand sliding around to the back of my neck. “You told me it was with me now,” he whispers, eyes locked on mine.
“I told youwhatwas with you now?” I croak, barely able to force the words out past the lump in my throat.
“This.” He places his other hand flat against my chest, directly over my heart. “You said this is with me now. And I have to know, Elara, did you mean that or was it meaningless ramble in the midst of sleep.”
While I didn’t mean to say that to him, I also can’t deny the truth behind it. I buried my heart with Kam–or at least I thought I did–yet now I find it in the hands of someone else. And not just any someone but Kam’s older brother.
He’s the reason I find myself questioning how I felt for Kam. Because the way I feel about Kane is so much more intense, consuming, raw, and powerful. It’s the kind of feeling I feel with my entire body and not just my heart. He’s everywhere, weaved into my very core.
In no way does how I feel for Kane lessen the love I had for Kam, but it definitely has forced me to take a closer look at what I thought love was.
“Babe.” Kane drops his forehead to mine. “Just tell me,” he urges, almost pleading.
“I think I’m falling in love with you,” I blurt. When he doesn’t respond, I quickly move to explain.” I know it seems crazy. I know it hasn’t been long. And your Kam’s brother. And. And. God, I’m probably freaking you out right now,” I ramble. “Would you stop looking at me like that and saysomethingalready?” I snap when he pulls his face back, looking at me, his expression unreadable and eyes dark as night.
“You love me?” he finally says, one side of his mouth twitching.
“What do you think?” I counter, relief flooding through me when that twitch turns to a full blown smile.
I don’t get out another word. Kane’s lips are on mine in a flash and before I know it I’m on my back, pinned beneath him.
“Kane, I…” I start to speak but lose my words when he slides inside of me.
“Look at me, Elara,” Kane demands, stilling once he’s completely filled me. “I’ve never met anyone like you.” He pulls out slowly and slides back in before saying, “I knew from the first moment I saw you.” Out and back in. “You’re so fucking beautiful.” Out and back in. “So fucking beautiful.” He looks down at me.
“Kane.” I lift my hips, urging him to move. He takes my cue and picks up speed but still keeps his movements controlled, his gaze not breaking mine as he moves above me.
My vision blurs and my body shakes and within minutes I’m already chasing after a release that’s dangling right in front of me. Every thrust brings me closer. Dark eyes, lips, jaw, neck, chest. I let my eyes soak in the beauty of the man who’s not only opened my eyes but also opened my heart.
I didn’t think I could love so easily after Kam but here I am, diving in head first. If losing Kam taught me anything it’s that you never know what tomorrow will bring. I spent too much time worrying over my feelings for Kam to ever really explore them. I won’t make that mistake again.
Kane is here. Flesh and blood. Body and soul. He’s right here with me, inside of me. And I’ll be damned if I take even one ounce of that for granted.
