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I stand rooted to the spot for a solid minute, not sure what the hell to say or do. I feel at odds with myself. My head is saying one thing, but my heart is on a completely different page.
“You disappeared.”
“I can explain everything. I just need you to give me the chance.”
“And why should I?” My voice rises.
“Because I love you.” The instant those three words leave his mouth I swear it feels like the floor has opened up and swallows me whole. “I’m in love with you. And I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness but I’m hoping you’ll give it to me. Because I don’t want to live without you in my life.”
My heart thunders loudly against my ribcage.
“Can I please come in?” He presses one hand to the frame of the door.
“Okay,” I agree, stepping aside so he can freely enter the apartment.
Shutting the door, I turn to find him standing directly in front of me.
“Since the moment we met I’ve been trying to fight this thing between us. I don’t know if it’s because I wasn’t ready to love someone again or because I was afraid too. But I fell in love just the same. I don’t think I realized just how deep I was in it until the day of your accident. The thought of losing you, it crippled me, and I panicked.”
“Because you were afraid you would lose me just like you lost her.”
“I’ve spent the last three years trying to piece my life back together, but nothing has worked. I felt empty and no matter what I did that feeling never went away. Until you. You brought light back into my life. You made me laugh again. You made mefeelagain. You were the missing piece I had been searching for. I just didn’t know it at the time.”
“You went to California.” It’s a statement, not a question.
“I did.”
“Why?”
“To say goodbye.” Tears form behind his eyes but not a single one falls. “After Finley died, Claire gave me a note she had left for me.” He reaches around and pulls a folded piece of paper from his pocket. “I think this will explain everything.” He slides the note into my hand.
I unfold it with shaky fingers, my heart beating so hard I can barely hear myself think over the loud strum pulsing in my ears.
And before I even read the first word, I know what a monumental moment this is. Because he’s sharing her with me. He’s letting me in. And that means more than any words he could ever say.
My dearest Abel,
I’ve written this letter so many times in my head that it almost feels rehearsed as I put it on paper for you now. There are so many things I want to say and yet there aren’t nearly enough words to do it.
First, I want you to know how much I love you. Because of you my life ended with happiness and love, which is much different than the way it began. Thank you for that.
I never admitted this to you, but I fell in love with you the very first night we met. How could I not? You took one look at me and I felt my entire world shift. We only spent ten hours together. Thirty-six thousand seconds. Six hundred minutes. However you break it down, those ten hours changed everything. You changed everything.
I’ve told you before that I was grateful to the cancer because it brought me to you. No matter how much I wish our ending had been different, I wouldn’t change one single thing about our story. Because it was the perfect story. Maybe it didn’t end in the traditional version of happily ever after, but I think we came pretty close.
I left Claire with instructions to leave you with half of my ashes. I want you to take me with you, Abel. Keep me close. And when you’re ready, I want you to let me go. You’ll know when the time is right. And when that time comes, take me to the beach where you asked me to be your wife and sprinkle me into the water that once danced around our feet. Let me go, Abel. Let me go, and live. Live your life fully, fearlessly, and without limit. Live for us both. And never forget how much I love you.
Until we meet again,
Just Finley
Tears are falling down my cheeks by the time I reach the end. But my tears aren’t just for Abel. They’re for Finley too. Because she loved him. She loved him like I love him. And she was forced to let him go.
“You took her with you...” I say, piecing it together.
“I did.” He nods, taking the letter back. He folds it slowly and then slides it back into his pocket. “It took me three years, but I finally did what she asked me to do. I let her go.”
“Abel...”
