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“How do you know?” The corners of my eyes are beginning to sting, and I blink hard to fight off tears.
I know I technically haven’t done anything wrong, but the idea of hurting Azarius makes me feel terrible. He’s the reason I’m alive, and I owe him for saving me, but this hardly seems like fair payback.
My heart aches.
“Because I know him better than I know myself sometimes,” he assures me, leaning over to press his lips against my forehead. “He just needs to blow off some steam. You’ll see.”
* * *
After I unsuccessfully attempt to eat and excuse myself from the table, I head to my room to be alone for a while. An hour later, Azarius comes knocking. He slips through the door with a plate of fruit and a goblet in his hands and takes a seat by me on the bed.
“Elio said you didn’t eat earlier.” He offers me the food with a half-smile, and I take it. The hurt in his eyes from earlier is gone, and so is the sharpness in his voice. “Starving yourself won’t help anything, you know.”
I take the goblet from him, which is filled with blood-colored juice, and bring it to my lips.
“I lost my appetite,” I say, trying hard not to imagine the conversation from earlier. I just want to forget it ever happened.
“Devyn, that was my fault, and I’m sorry.” He reaches over and tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear. “It was just a lot to process.”
“I would have told you, but it all happened so fast. I didn’t want to hurt you.”
“I’m not hurt.” He shakes his head. “In fact, there’s no one I trust more to take care of you than Elio. So, I’m kind of glad it’s him.”
I breathe a tiny sigh, suddenly feeling lighter. Knowing that I won’t be the cause of any brawls between them is a relief.
Azarius is quiet for a few minutes while we watches me eat. Now that the anxious knots have disappeared from my stomach, I’m hungry. After downing the fruit, I sip on the juice from the goblet, wishing it would last forever. It’s quickly become my favorite drink of all time, and I’ll miss not having it when I go home.
Maybe Azarius or Elio will bring me some when they visit. But the thought of not seeing them every day and having to wait for them to come see me sits uncomfortably in my chest.
“What’s wrong?” he asks.
I shove the thought from my mind and glance up. “Nothing. Why?”
“You had this sad look in your eyes like you were going to cry.” He tilts his head to the side. “I know I can’t fix everything, but you can talk to me.”
Before I know it, I’m nodding with a reply. “I know. But it doesn’t help if I can’t put my thoughts into words.”
He takes my dishes and sets them on the bedside table before scooting closer to me and cupping my cheek in his hand.
“Try.”
I groan internally, reluctant to share any more feelings today, but getting them off my chest might make me feel better. It’s not like I have Cara here to vent to, and I don’t even have a diary that I can spill my guts in. Everything is harbored inside me, festering and begging to be released.
“Fine.” I lean back against the headboard, unsure of where to begin. I open my mouth, hoping that something will naturally come out. “What do we do now?”
Not where I wanted to go, but it’s something.
“About?”
“Everything.” I throw up my hands. “Now that we have an answer, do you think Rafe will let me go home?”
“Potentially.” He scoots closer so that our thighs are touching. “We have to break it to him that we took you to see Ignatius—hopefully Elio has a decent plan worked out—and see what he says. At this point, I don’t see why not.”
“Will I be safe if I go home?”
He lifts his shoulder in a shrug. “While I want to say yes, I can’t promise you that. If monsters are still hunting you, there’s always a small chance that they could find you, but your scent would be harder to trace among other humans. It wouldn’t stand out so much.”
I cross my arms over my chest, mind reeling. “And if I go home, how often would I get to see you?”
