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My stomach sinks as he heads down the hall, and I reluctantly follow. We’ve snuck around plenty of times under the cover of darkness, but never during the day. Never somewhere so well-traveled and obvious.
He reaches a closed door and tries the handle. It’s unlocked, and, after carefully scrutinizing the hallway once more, he pushes it open and ushers me inside.
Aside from a sliver of light seeping in through a thickly curtained window, the room is dark. I can vaguely make out stacks of chairs and several tables piled high with discarded décor. We’re in one of the castle’s many storage rooms.
Darsan closes the door, plunging us into blackness, and we carefully scoot deeper into the room.
“What’s this about, Darsan?” I ask, rooting myself to the spot and staring into the darkness. I can vaguely make out his silhouette shifting in front of me, and I squeak when I’m suddenly in his arms.
“I had to do this one last time.” He pulls me against his chest and catches my lips with his, making my knees go weak. My eyes flutter closed as I sink into his familiarity, and I let his gentle lips lead mine.
For a moment, the unfair world melts away. For a breath, there are no monsters or arranged marriages or invasions terrorizing the kingdom. There are only Darsan’s lips, his arms, and the heat swelling between us. I want to keep going, to lose myself entirely in the moment, but something about it is unsettling. It feels wrong, like I’m somehow being unfaithful to my future husband, even though I’ve never met him.
It's this strange mix of feelings that makes me push Darsan away.
“I can’t do this,” I say, still standing in the circle of his arms. My lips throb, begging to find his again, but I refrain.
“Why, Irissa?” Desperation clings to his voice. I pull away again, but his arms keep me firmly in their hold. “We’ve done this before. What’s different now?”
“You know what. This has to end. It’s the way things have to be.”
He shifts and the limited light from the window finds his face, illuminating it just enough that I can see the hurt in his eyes. “No, it isn’t. It doesn’t have to be.”
I arch my brows at him, even though I’m not sure he can see, and I study the outline of his face. The only sound in the room is our rhythmic breathing and the blood pounding in my ears.
Is there another way to bring peace without me having to marry a monster? Could Darsan have a solution to all my problems? It seems silly to hope, but I can’t fight my curiosity.
“What do you mean?” I push firmly against his chest, furthering the distance between us. Instead of releasing me, he pulls me tighter against him until the hardness of his armor becomes uncomfortable.
“Run away with me,” he says, his eyes boring into mine in the dim light.
My jaw drops. “Excuse me?”
“Run away with me. Tonight. We can forget about the arranged marriage, about everything. It’ll just be me and you, wherever you want to go.”
I stare at him in stunned silence, letting his words sink in slowly, like one of Lizette’s potions. The thought rolls through me, warming my chest, making its way down my limbs.
“But-” I say, unsure of what comes next.
If we run away together, I escape my betrothal. I avoid the monsters, and I get to nurture this growing relationship Darsan, but what else? I’ll still be leaving behind everyone I love, including Lizette. I’ll be turning my back on my kingdom, when my people are counting on me to secure peace.
“What about Hyatt?” I ask. “What about everyone counting on me to make this alliance work?”
“Who cares?” Darsan laughs. “All I care about is being with you, Irissa, and I’m willing to give up everything. My knighthood, my life, all of it. None of it matters if you’re not with me.”
I stand in silent disbelief.
Who cares?The words are like a slap to the face. How can he say that, when I’m willing to give up my happiness and freedom to help my people? I clearly care. Despite the hours we’ve spent together, he doesn’t know one of the most crucial things about me. I’m more loyal to my kingdom than I am to myself, and I will do whatever it takes to protect them.
“I care,” I snap, heat rising in my cheeks, my fists balling at my sides. “I’m doing what I have to do to keep my people safe. They’re counting on me. I can’t let them down.”
“It’s not your burden to bear,” he snaps, his voice sharp with tension. “Let your father handle it, like he’s handled everything else. It’shiskingdom.Heshould be the one to give up his life for it, not you.”
My bubbling irritation intensifies, dragging the corners of my mouth down. I place both of my hands against his chest plate and shove him away. Finally, he lets go and I step back.
“Clearly, my father can’t get the job done on his own, so he needs a woman to do it for him,” I say, my arms crossing tightly over my chest, armor to protect my heart from what I know is coming. Whatever I’d envisioned our last conversation to look like, it wasn’t this. I’m regretting my decision to let Liz leave us alone. “This is my kingdom too, and it’s my duty to serve it. I will do whatever it takes to end this war, even if it means selling my soul.”
A heavy moment of silence drowns us, and I take deep breaths to slow my racing pulse. Whatever romance we had was only a lust-inspired illusion. Darsan doesn’t know anything about me or what I value, and that hurts worse than having to leave him.
