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“Irissa, please,” he begs, reaching for me. “Reconsider.”
In a perfect world, I might run away with him, but the world we live in is far from perfect. Sometimes, it’s best to put your own desires aside when something greater calls. Even when it breaks your heart.
Now is one of those times.
“I can’t,” I finally say, the words vibrating painfully in my chest. My voice is hardly more than a whisper. “Goodbye, Darsan.”
I don’t wait for a reply before turning and feeling my way back to the door. I half expect him to run after me, beg me to stay until I concede, but he lets me go without a word.
This is the way it has to be.
This is the way it wasmeantto be.
Biting back a fresh swell of emotions, I head down to the tombs where Lizette is waiting. There’s still one more person I have to say goodbye to.
CHAPTERFIVE
Irissa
When I was younger, I referred to the tombs as catacombs like everyone else, but when I realized the grim reality of what really lies beneath our castle, I began to call them what they really were.Tombs.A resting place for our dead.
They’re an intricate web of hallways that house hundreds of royal caskets, all sealed in wax and stone to keep the deceased from creeping back into the castle as ghosts. It’s an old religious practice, one that started when our kingdom first established its sovereignty, but I’ve never believed in ghosts. I’m not even sure the dead can hear us, but that doesn’t keep me from climbing down the cobweb-covered steps to talk to my mother one last time.
My emotions are a knot in my chest, begging to be untangled, but I’m too overwhelmed to sort them out right now. This, saying goodbye, will give me a chance to vent the conflicting feelings tugging at my heartstrings without spilling my secrets to Lizette. If I’m lucky, it’ll bring me peace.
I hope it does.
Lizette is waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs with a torch, next to an insanely heavy door that takes both of us to pull open. We tug on the handle until the door slides open, dragging along the stone floor with a grating screech that sends chills up my spine. The space beyond is doused entirely in blackness, so Lizette leads the way with her flame.
“It’s freezing down here,” I say as goosebumps roll up my arms.
The last time I was down here was when they sealed my mother’s tomb, when there’d at least been other bodies to generate heat in the cramped area. Now, with just the two of us down here, the air bites at my skin, the chill sinking down into my bones.
I guess this will be a short and sweet goodbye.
“Do you remember the way?” Lizette asks, holding her torch higher so that the light spills further in front of us.
Of course, I do. How could I forget the most difficult walk of my life?
“Go straight ahead. There’s a torch up on your right.”
She takes a few uncertain steps before a torch in its holster catches her eye, and she moves to light it with the one in her hand. As it springs to life, it casts a small pool of gold down to the floor, brightening the area around us so we’re able to see a little more.
We continue on, Liz lighting the lanterns as we pass them, and my chest tightens with every step. It isn’t the darkness that bothers me as much as the million pounds of stone over our heads. Even though I know it’s highly unlikely, the idea of it crashing down on us tickles my mind with irrational fear.
“It’s the one on the left,” I tell her as we approach a split in the hall, and she silently veers off.
My fingers tingle as we approach my mother’s final resting place, and I sense it before it comes into view. It’s a beautiful alcove, carved into the wall, swirls and runes etched into every surface. The protective stone casket lays sideways, nearly filling the shallow space. Royal blue wax drips over all the seams, sealing every tiny crack, and bundles of dying flowers lay withered across the top.
“Hello, Mother,” I whisper under my breath. I feel a little silly for talking to someone who’s no longer here, but the moment her name passes my lips, my anxiety slips away, replaced by a sudden sense of calm.
Lizette lights the torches on either side of the casket, bathing the area in a warm glow, and steps back.
I hesitate for a moment as an overwhelming wave of emotions rises up, my words sticking in my throat. I know what I came to do and say, but now that the moment is here, it feels impossible. How can I possibly say goodbye for the last time?
Glancing over my shoulder, I throw Lizette a shy look. Normally, I don’t mind her listening in on my conversations, but this one feels too intimate. Too vulnerable. Too raw. I feel like the words will come more easily if I’m alone.
“Can you give me a little privacy, Liz?” I ask, hoping I don’t sound rude.
