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I stared.
And then I looked at my father’s grave and asked aloud, “How the fuck did you not know I was here? Even if what you did was outside your will, and I get it, I understand it now more than I ever did, being conscious during that mental activation… If that’s what they did to you,I get it.It’s still wrong as hell, but Igetit. What I don’t get is how you just… never looked back.”
That’s not fair.
I scoffed and shook my head.
No, it wasn’t fair.
Whywouldhe look back, when he’d finally gotten out from under the thumb ofThe Garden? Looking back slowed you down, looking back was a death sentence.
The problem was… him not looking back meant a childhood of abuse for me—an existence built on nothing but hatred from one of the only people who was truly supposed to give a shit about me.
And it just… wasn’t his problem.
He had his wife, their child; yeah, he was looking over his shoulder, but they got to be healthy, and happy, and… whole.
It was so messed up.
There was no getting around it.
But… I was supposed to be tougher than this, supposed to be unaffected, hardened, supposed to view all of this shit as a gift.
The gift of being jaded by the reality of humanity.
Or… the lack of humanity among people.
Now more than ever, I understood Jesse’s need to name what he’d established as something so aggressive. Before I knew what I did now,Predatorshad seemed almost cocky, like a taunt.
With hindsight?
It was a defense.
Big claws and bared teeth made people think twice about fucking with you.
“I think he would have wanted to know you,” I heard and looked up to find Miranda Garrett ambling my way. Looking past her, I realized she was alone.
“Excuse me?” I asked, honestly not really knowing how to respond to this woman.
Before all this shit went down, Blue wanted to introduce me to her, but I always made excuses, not wanting her to see my face and somehow know what she ultimately found out sooner than I wanted anyway.
“Jesse,” she said, stopping beside me in front of his headstone. “If we’d knownaboutyou, I believe he would have wanted toknowyou. Honestly… he may have taken you from her. To avoid what it looks like it ended up happening anyway.”
“And what’s that?” I asked.
“A lot of people in your life convincing you that you weren’t of value,” she mused, shaking her head. “I can understand why your mother was the way she was about you. Not that it excuses it, but I get it. You reminded her of her trauma. With those Belroses though…” She shook her head, pushing out a sigh as she wrapped her arms around herself to protect against a little chill. “They’re very good at their programming, aren’t they?”
“Yeah,” I agreed, because… what else was there to do?
“I really wish things could have been different,” she mused, a statement that made me lift an eyebrow.
“Are you about to kill me?” I asked, dead serious, and she laughed, shaking her head.
“No, baby,” she said, and turned to me with a smile. “I’d like to do somethingquitedifferent from that.”
That didnotbring my eyebrow down.
“Like what?”
