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I huff out a laugh and head upstairs to take a shower.
Forty-five minutes later and we’re sitting at the kitchen counter. Alex made me some eggs and bacon, and I’m already on my second cup of coffee.
“Con, I’m not really the sharing type, you know this––I don’t know how.”
“I’m not asking you to tell me your deepest darkest thoughts, brother. All I’m asking is that you talk to me when you feel like you’re about to spin out. The rest of us can’t read you the way Rory could, we don’t know how to help you, or when you need it.”
I down the rest of my coffee while I try and figure out how to open up to him.
“I guess it was a twin thing… Rory and me. He knew when I needed him, and I knew when he needed me. The day he died, I felt it… I knew something wasn’t right, but by the time I figured it out, it was too late.”
I stand, blowing out a breath and grab a water out of the fridge. Downing a third, I turn back to my brother and his woman.
“I feel guilty all of the time. I failed him, Da, and Aoife. It’s my job to protect everyone, and I failed them all.”
“You know that’s irrational, don’t you? You aren’t to blame for them dying. And it’s not your responsibility to protect everyone. Liam killed Rory––and Da and Aoife, they were killed by her crazy fucking boyfriend, none of it is your fault.”
I lean on the counter opposite him.
“I know, and I know I’m going off the rails. I hate that you’re so worried about me, but this is the only way I know how to deal. I promise I’ll try and rein it in, but I’m not ready to let you guys in, not completely, please respect that, Con.”
He nods, getting up from his stool.
“We won’t push, but just remember you’re not in this alone. We’re here for you. Come on, baby, let’s go.”
Alex steps up to me, wrapping her arms tightly around me and kissing me on the cheek. “We love you, Ronan. Call us if you need anything.”
I stand with my back against the counter and watch them leave, breathing a sigh of relief that I have my space back. I love my family, but I need the space to breathe.
Chapter 16
Liv
“Mr Stokes, please, you have to help me get my little girl back. You have to know that what they have said isn’t true, even her father didn’t want them near her. Please, I have done everything that the courts have asked of me. It’s three weeks to Christmas, my baby girl should be with me.”
“Look, Miss Hastings––”
“It’s Liv. I’m begging you, Mr Stokes––”
“Liv, I’m not going to lie, it’s not looking good. They have a lot of money and power, and they are claiming that you can’t afford to take care of yourself, let alone your daughter, which right now, based on everything I have seen, I’m inclined to agree with. However, I do agree that she should be with you, and I promise, I am doing my best. But I have to be honest here, your ex’s parents have some of the best attorneys in the country working on their case, and they rarely lose.”
This cannot be happening. Before they ripped her away from me, they had only met her a total of three times. She didn’t even know who they were when they collected her, and now it’s looking like she’s going to be living with them forever.
I stand, reaching out to shake his hand.
“Thank you, Mr Stokes, I guess I’ll see you in court on Tuesday.”
I don’t wait for him to say anything, the look of pity in his eyes was enough. I need some air, I need to breathe. I grab my bag and coat and race out into the street. The rain is coming down hard, and I stand there in the middle of street, letting it soak me through. I’m going to lose her, I can feel it.
* * *
“Damn it.” This is turning out to be the worst shift. I throw my towel on the bar and reach for the dustpan and brush and bend down to clean the glass off the floor––this is forth one I’ve dropped tonight.
“Seriously, Olivia, again? What the hell is your problem tonight? Those damages are coming out of your wages, I hope you realise that.”
She steps over the glass and storms away, shooting me a filthy look for good measure.
I empty the glass into a trash bag and grab it, taking it out to the dumpsters out back. I slam the lid and lean on it, taking a breath. I’m so lost in my thoughts I don’t realise there is someone behind me.
