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Most people take for granted the homes they live in, the space, the cleanliness, and the location but not me. I’ve lived in so many dumps that I appreciate every small detail. There is truly nothing overly special about this house apart from it being on the right side of town, in a nice neighborhood with working air conditioning and no bugs. But those things make me feel like we are moving up in the world.
This house feels like it could be a home, and I'm hopeful that they get to stay here for a long time. I'm trying to be optimistic that this move is exactly what they needed and at the right time to be the change my parents are ready for. But the one thing I’ve learned over the years is that I can’t rely on my parents to be what I need. That’s why as soon as I can save up enough money to get out I will. I don’t think my parents would ever give me custody of Elio, but I plan to stay close enough for him to be with me regardless. After all, they won’t miss him while they’re high.
Getting evicted might have been one of the best things to happen for our family.
After years of living paycheck to paycheck, borrowing beyond their needs to feed their addictions, and losing everything, they are now finally cleaning up their act. For once in my eighteen years, I think we might be getting the fresh start we all deserve.
So here I am, going through the few items I have left of the life I'm trying to leave behind. Turns out having your items pilfered and broken is a gift in disguise. You're forced to start new and let go of things that maybe didn't bring you joy. The walls in my new room are bare, and that makes me happy. They represent a clean slate. Everything I have from here on out will have purpose and meaning. Now I can focus on what's essential school and my new job. Everything will fall into place I can feel it in my bones, and Monday is just the beginning.
A few weeks ago, I graduated high school, and I’m starting my new full-time job at Reds on Monday. Luckily it won't be my actual first day, just my first day as a full-time employee. I have always been one to plan ahead, making it hard to stay in the moment and try to find happiness in the now. I'm constantly trying to mold my future. I don't want to struggle, I want to be financially secure, and I don't want to endure the burdens my parents have. That meant always working hard to achieve my goals.
In high school, I was an overachiever passing all my classes and getting ahead on my credits so that my senior year, I would only need to attend classes until 9 am. Of course, leaving school at 9 am meant I could work the afternoons, and that's precisely what I did. Every little bit of money I could save up mattered. It meant I was that much closer to attaining my goals. Living under my parent’s roof is toxic and it’s starting to take a toll on my physical health. While the beatings stopped around age fourteen the mental scars will never fade. The chronic stress that I live with is starting to make me sick. I know I don’t eat enough, and I can literally feel my body shutting down. But as hard as I try, I can’t bring myself to prioritize my needs when I’m trying to keep everyone else’s lives from self-destructing. I’ll only need my parents for so much longer before I can finally split.
My mom has worked at Reds for the past ten years. While she might be an addict, she managed to hold down a job, go figure. She's still a functioning alcoholic, and that may never change, but at least she and my dad have appeared to have kicked the blow habit. Now, if I could just convince them to drop weed, maybe we could genuinely be your average middle-class household living the American dream, complete with the white picket fence.
Reds is a manufacturing company that makes health and beauty products. I will be working in what they call the Sample Room. I like to think that's where all the magic happens. Working there in the afternoons and making the biggest checks I've ever seen in my life has been an authentic taste of freedom.
I can see the plans for my future falling into place, and this money will help me pay for a community college in the fall.
On Friday nights I would typically be hanging out with my friend Bryce and the guys, but not tonight. Tonight, I want to go through my clothes for next week and finish unpacking what little things I still have from the move. Sometimes I wish I could just be carefree and undisciplined so that I don't miss out on the now, but that's just not who I am.
Don't get me wrong, I would love to be the girl that flies by the seat of her pants and lets go of all her inhibitions without regard for tomorrow, but growing up my days were always a gamble. While other kids knew what their day would bring, mine was always a mystery. Will I come home to a house full of strangers on a binge, will my parents be home, will the electricity work, will there be food to eat, or my favorite, will I have to barricade myself in my room to avoid my mother’s rage?
For now, tomorrow looks promising. For the moment, we live in a lovely house and my parents are clean, but that doesn't mean I get to stop planning for the minute it all falls apart. That is why I'm at home, making sure I'm prepared to be on time, organized, and professional so that I can kick ass at training on Monday. This is my time to start my life and change it for the better.
August
Two
HereIam,gettingready to go out with the guys for drinks. Finals ended this week, and we are all officially college graduates. Most of them already have internships lined up. A few are going on to get their masters, and then there's Ethan and me. We are expected to take over our family businesses like the generations that have come before us, well me anyway. Ethan's family is new money, while my family has been in the manufacturing industry for ages.
Ethan is excited to take over for his father. His father runs a media conglomerate, and Ethan hopes to expand the business into the ever-growing plane of social media. Don't get me wrong, I've grown to appreciate Facebook. It's a significant upgrade from Myspace, but app developing and constantly racing to reach the most amount of people through media isn't for me. If I could do what I love, it would be Art related. My sister works as a curator at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York. I'm beyond jealous. I feel like she gets to live my dream. While I'm glad to have a job lined up, I'm not at all excited about clocking in and out every day doing the grind at a manufacturing facility.
The family business makes store-brand health and beauty products for the masses. We distribute to every major retailer across the United States, and while that's a huge accomplishment, it's not what I want for myself. Reds was founded by my great-great-grandfather Augustus Barron Branson in the 1920s. He started the company, and back then, they just made a few small items like men's aftershave, petroleum jelly, and deodorant. Now we make all that plus anything else you can find in the health and beauty section at Target outside of make-up. Maybe if I cared to make a go of it at Reds, I would branch out into make-up. That could be artsy. Who am I kidding? That's a stretch.
I'm just so tired of doing what everyone else thinks I should be doing. Growing up, I played the sports my parents chose for me, attended clubs my parents chose for me, and the girl I'm dating was selected for me. My life and what I would do with it were mapped out the minute I was born. The only son to take over the business and keep the Branson name present and profitable. That's why I'm sad to see college end. Now it means I must start my next chapter by taking over Reds. Two more days of freedom that’s all I have.
As if his ears were burning from the mere thought of my dread, I get a text from my father.
Augustus: August, I can’t tell you how proud I am that you’ll be starting at Reds on Monday. You’ll finally be stepping into the shoes you were destined to fill.
Did he really think I needed the reminder? What am I even supposed to say to that? There have been so many times over the years where I have come close to telling him I want nothing to do with Reds. However, every time I think I’m ready for the conversation I back out. It feels like an obligation that there is no way around. Instead, I stay the course.
Me: Thanks, Dad. I’m sure training will be enlightening.
I can’t help the sarcasm laced in my reply. He never catches onto it anyway. I suppose no harm, no foul, but God, how I wish he would catch on sometimes. While he wants me to take over the company, he thinks I need to do it from the bottom up. Of course, I won’t be a janitor or anything, but he believes me sitting through training, will give me a sense of perspective. Working in a department will deepen my understanding of how the business operates. Plus, the employees will find me more approachable as someone who understands their struggles rather than just a figurehead who was put in a position because of his name.
Augustus: That’s the spirit son. Let’s plan on lunch Friday.
My dad got me a bottle of Macallan for Christmas, and I think tonight's the perfect night to finally break it out. Kind of ironic that he would get me whiskey as a gift when he's constantly nagging me on my choice of extracurricular activities, including going to house parties, clubs, and bars, all the things he doesn't approve of. Maybe he thought expensive whiskey would refine my tastes, and I'd slow it down, seeing as how it's expensive and meant to be savored and not devoured. Well, the joke is on him. If I must endure this depressing future, I’m not going to sit around sober.
Now that college is over and we don't know when we will all be together again, we're going to get fucked up tonight. The guys will be here any minute to go hit up the Central West End, where we plan on bar hopping. We always have a good time and lately, they’ve been even better since it’s just been us guys.
My girlfriend Carson decided to go to the East Coast for her last semester of college and isn't done with finals for another two weeks. Things between us have changed. We've never been your typical couple, but something is up with her. One thing I've learned growing up in a fake world is not everything is what it seems. She's up to something, and I'm sticking around because I'm intrigued. If you don't want to be in a relationship anymore, why not end it? I've had my suspicions that she's seeing someone else for a while, but if I'm honest, she's the one thing I haven't minded being forced into. The girl knows how to have a good time.
Running my fingers through my hair one more time for good measure and fixing the collar on my Brooks Brothers polo, I slip into my LL Bean loafers and head to the wet bar. Deciding to forgo decanting the whiskey, I pour three fingers over ice. Just as I bring the glass to my lips, the doorbell rings, and I know Ethan and Grant have arrived. I throw back the velvety brown liquid in one go. The smokey notes instantly hit my taste buds, and the burn feels way too good going down, and that's how I know tonight will be a good night.
Before I can turn to walk towards the front door, Ethan and Grant are barging in, pre-party bottles in hand. Ethan likes to drink Old Fashions, while Grant is a beer guy. We live not far outside of St. Louis, home of Anheuser Busch which has meant tons of microbreweries have popped up. It's become somewhat of a hot spot for beer enthusiasts and connoisseurs alike.
