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"Really, you're going to keep opening my doors?" That makes me chuckle. "Yeah, I guess I am. Maybe I like doing things for you." I pull her into me and drape my hands around her waist before saying, "You said you weren't coming over tonight, but what about tomorrow?"
She laughs, "August, you're insatiable." I lower my hands to her ass and grab an ample amount of cheek in each hand before gently squeezing while I nuzzle my nose into the crook of her neck and place a light kiss there.
"That's not true. I just met this woman who walked into my life and consumed every ounce of my being since I laid eyes on her. Now she wants to leave, and when she does, she is taking a piece of me with her. A piece that I didn't know she owned."
I hear her suck in a breath, and I pull my face away from her neck to look into her eyes, and I see it. She shares the same sentiment. Leaning in, I take her lips in mine before slowly sliding my tongue in to meet hers. Her body molds into mine as we share an earth-shattering, passion-filled, binding kiss that I know she can’t deny. I am completely enamored by this woman. Her hands make their way into my hair, and I swear I can feel every nerve ending in my body set on fire. Everywhere she touches me sends a delicious trail of heat straight to my groin, and I know I need to pull away before my cock gets carried away again.
"Meet me tomorrow?" It's a desperate plea that leaves my lips.
She drops her hands. "I can't."
Putting some space between us I lean back against my car with my arms crossed over my chest. When I look back at her, I can see her mask slipping back into place. She's shutting me out.
"You can't, or you won't."
She fidgets with her purse before opening her car door and tossing it in. I will literally lose my mind if she gets in that car without responding. That's when she turns around, runs her fingers through her hair, and says, "I can't."
I'm just about to press her for more when she says, "Give me your phone." I reach in my pocket, hand it over, and watch as she programs her number. After she hands it back, she says, "Please don't ask me to explain."
I don't say anything. I take my phone back and get into my own car, I basically just told her I wanted her, and she turned me down. The thing is, I know she wants me, so why is she turning me down?
I'm not going to lie, I've never been rejected. And by a girl like her, nonetheless. It is a blow to my ego. I'm sure I gave her confessions tonight that would rival any fictional man out there, and she still shut me down. Fuck! Why did I say any of that? This isn’t me.
Gianna
Nine
It's6amSaturdaymorning, and while I've never been one to sleep in, I usually stay in bed until at least 7 am on weekends. That's not going to happen today. I'm wound up so tight that I will lose it if I don't get up. Throwing on my leggings, sports bra, and tank top I grab my running shoes and head for the park. I'm not a runner. If anything, I'm a power walker, but right now, I feel like anything short of running won't suffice. I need to clear my head, and the only way to achieve any bit of mental clarity is through exercise.
Heading out the front door I make my way down the street. One of the perks of our new house is living next to a hundred-acre park. This will be my first time using the trails, so I brought my phone and mace in case there's anything sketchy. St. Alban's isn't a place where I need to worry about getting mugged, but I grew up in a place where you always watched your back, and that habit doesn't leave you. Plus, I've seen way too many scary movies growing up.
Once I'm at the end of my street, I cross over to the park and notice people are already out jogging on the trails, which puts me at ease. Finally, I'll be able to let out some pent-up frustration instead of being consumed by paranoia that some creeper might pop out from behind a bush and attack me.
Jogging around a public park was not how I saw my Saturday morning going after completing my first full week of work. I had planned on getting online and really starting to figure out what classes I might be able to take this fall. My schedule would obviously be limited to what I could afford, not to mention what was offered at night. Until I landed this job, I hadn’t even attempted to look into college courses. I knew I wouldn’t be able to afford them, but now it’s a possibility, and if I somehow turn my summer internship into a year-round gig as planned, I’m hoping I can get work to help pay for some of the costs. I know Phyllis had mentioned something about tuition reimbursement for full-time employees during training this week, and I hope to capitalize on that. However, all of that will have to wait until tomorrow because today I need to make things right.
Starting my pace, I go back over my afternoon with Mason. I can't believe he showed up and told me he loved me. There's a difference between telling someone you want to take your relationship to the next level and telling someone you love them. I feel like he must be going through something. He knows I want him. There's no question that I've always had a thing for him. But I'm holding back now because I feel like he’s not being honest with me. Why, out of nowhere, is he all in? And not even just all-in, let's be boyfriend and girlfriend but confessing his love for me all-in. He's never acted like this before.
Sure, I know that Mason cares about me. I never felt like he was using me for our hot and heavy make-out sessions, but after so many years of wishing he would see me as more than just a friend and not getting that wish fulfilled, I felt like I had to find contentment in what we had, and I did. For some reason taking what he’s offering me now almost feels like an obligation. As if I should say “yes” because it’s what I always wanted, and now’s my chance. If I said yes now, I don’t feel like it would be for the right reasons, and that’s unsettling.
There’s a reason I never really had a boyfriend and it’s not because I couldn’t get one. I honestly never felt like I had the emotional capacity to entertain the idea of one. Plus, what guy wants a girl with my baggage? The kind that wants sex, that’s the type. Growing up around addicts you learn how to decipher a person’s true intent and let me tell you most people are selfish assholes.
At the end of the day, I don’t have time for any type of relationship boyfriend or not. I need to focus on my goals, but I also know sometimes letting people in can be a good thing. Everyone needs to have a healthy balance in life. It can’t be all work and no play. I’m desperate for change but it needs to be the right change, and with Mason, I feel like I’m where I’ve always been, and while there is security in that there is also complacency.
Regardless of how I feel about taking our relationship to the next level I need to fix what happened yesterday. That entire exchange was shitty. I knew the moment Mason pulled out of the parking lot yesterday and things were left in tatters between us, I would be finding him today. I just need to figure out what I'm going to say to him.
Until this week, I don't think we ever even had a falling out. Vivian has always said that we would end up together like some sort of fated mates, written in the stars, storybook romance. With Mason’s confession in the parking lot yesterday I thought she might be right until August showed up, and I was reminded of why doubt was ever cast.
While I have no plans to start a relationship with August, I can't stay away. I even gave him my number last night! Why would I do that? It’s like I’m asking for trouble. Now I am running my ass off, lungs on fire, because August Barron Branson had to come into my life like a wrecking ball and tear down everything I built up, from my relationships to my own will. I may have sworn him off, and said I wouldn't let him in, but by the end of the night, I was humping his leg like some floozy. That's not even the root of my problem with him.
The problem with August is that I can't fight him off. From the moment I laid eyes on him, we had this instantaneous, undeniable, magnetic connection. When I’m with him it’s like I let go of everything I’ve held on to, because in those stolen moments with him I feel like I’m truly the center of his focus. He doesn’t see my past, my baggage, my insecurities, or a girl that needs rescuing, and that’s empowering. It reassures me that my past doesn’t have to define my future. So now I'm left trying to separate my heart from my head and my past from the future.
I'vejustfinishedshoweringand dressing and decided to text Vivian to see if she's home. I was able to conjure up a plan while I was running. Mason is currently still living at home, at least for the next month until his condo is ready, which means if Vivian is home, she can run surveillance on him. She only lives two houses down. I know if I call or text Mason, he isn't going to answer.
August was correct in his observation that I ripped his heart out, but in my defense, I wasn’t trying to. My phone pings. She's home.
Me: Can you look out the window and see if Mason's car is in the driveway?
Vivi: Sure. What's going on?
