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Me: It's a long story, and I promise to tell you everything after I fix things with him.
Vivi: G! This sounds serious. You better not break his heart.
Me: Why are you jumping to the conclusion that I'm breaking his heart?
Vivi: Because I've always known you would if you didn't marry him.
OMG! She can't be serious. Marriage? We are eighteen years old, for Christ's sake.
Me: Quit with the dramatics. I'm leaving my house now. Can you just make sure he doesn't leave?
Vivian: Sure, G!
Driving to Mason's, I still have no idea what I'm going to say or where to even begin, but I need to see him in person. That's the only way to salvage what we have if there's any hope.
When I finally make it to his house, I quickly regret my decision to wear light blue skinny jeans and an off-the-shoulder chunky grey sweater. I'm sweating bullets I'm so nervous. I should have worn a t-shirt.Hell
Sitting in my car, I try to collect myself before knocking on the door. My phone pings.
Vivian: Get in there already!
She's right. I can't hide in my car all morning. Exiting my car, I start walking up the driveway when suddenly, Mason comes walking out looking hot as hell in his gym attire.
He's wearing grey joggers with a fitted black tee and black ball cap, looking like fucking sex on a stick. As he strides to his car, he doesn't notice me at first, but when he does, he stops for a moment and scowls before shaking his head and continuing his walk to his car.
"Mace, please, I need to talk to you."
He tosses his gym bag in the trunk and continues to the driver's side door. That's when I start running. I open the passenger side door and hop in before he can take off on me.
"Get out of my car Gianna. I have nothing to say to you."
Okay, so he is really mad. Not that I hadn't planned on that but thinking about it, and experiencing it, are very different things. My cool as a cucumber, flirtatious, laid-back Mason is gone, and I don't know how to talk to this one. I reach for his hand.
"Mason, please let me explain. I'll tell you everything, but please don't do this to us." I can tell he's grinding his teeth as he looks out his window.
"I don't need you to tell me how the story goes, Gianna. Did you forget I was there? For the first time in our relationship, I told you I wanted to try at there being an us. I don't hear from you and figured it was too much, too soon, only to find out you decided to date another guy."
I'm fighting back tears now, and I don't want him to think I'm playing the victim here, so I turn and look out my window to avoid his gaze.
"I never put much thought into how our story would end, but I didn't think it would end with you crushing my heart, but I guess you never knew you had it."
I can't help the tear that slips down my cheek. I try to quickly wipe it away before he notices. He’s right, I didn’t know I held his heart in an intimate way which makes my already jumbled-up heart more confused.
"Don't cry, Gianna. We're just not meant to be, and I need some time before I can see you again."
Now it's my turn to be mad.
"How can you say that? You haven't even let me speak since I showed up. All you have done is run and shut me out. You have no idea how I feel!" Shoot, I don’t even know how I feel.
He hits his steering wheel hard.
"Damn it, Gianna, then spit it out!"
My heart is galloping through my chest, and my mouth is suddenly way too dry as if the words don't want to come out, but I finally manage to say on bated breath.
"My heart always wants you." Because it’s true. Whether or not I’m ready to be more with him is beside the point. At the end of the day, he means the world to me, and I’m here because I can’t stand to be the reason for his pain.
I meet his gaze and see a mixture of relief and annoyance flash through his eyes before he asks, "Is it enough?"
