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43
BRYN
Connor and Hannahhad a hospital appointment today and a visit to her mum’s place on the way back. Occasionally, I go to the hospital too and sit in the waiting area while they speak to the specialist. I need to avoid Jane so I stay alone with my jumbled thoughts today.
The front door clicks open and closed, Hannah and Connor’s voices travelling down the hallway. Connor appears, pale faced with dark circles beneath his eyes. He sleeps more than when I first arrived and despite Hannah’s denials, I know he’s getting worse. If he doesn’t find a donor, he’ll need to go back to the hospital. All the more reason for me to spend time with my son.
“Hey,” I say with a smile, but when I see Hannah’s expression, I have to force the smile to stay. She hasn’t looked this haunted since the day of her confession in London.
Connor walks over and sits on the chair opposite me, putting his iPad on the table.
“How are you feeling?” I ask him.
He shrugs. “I’m okay.”
Hannah walks past, not looking at me.
“We still going to the movies this weekend?” I ask. “What did you want to see?”
“I don’t mind.”
“Perfect! I heard there’s a new Disney princess movie.”
He meets my grin with pursed lips. “Very funny.”
“Well, I like princesses.”
“No, you don’t!”
I laugh and take a drink from my beer.
“Don’t tease, Bryn,” says Hannah, coming back into the room with a glass of milk.
“He knows I’m kidding, right?” I wink at Connor.
Connor takes his milk and drinks. “I want to see your rock band.”
His words push in a painful reminder of the Bryn I left behind. “Sure, one day. The guys are in England and America now, so we aren’t playing for a while.”
“Can I go to England?”
“I’ll take you there sometime. I have a house in the States too—you can come over and stay.”
Hannah inhales sharply and when I look up at her, the look she gives me is dark. Subject change obviously needed. I glance at the clock on the wall. “Time for a game of FIFA before bed? You kicked my backside yesterday.”
Connor giggles and looks to his mum.
“Sure, go get ready for bed first though,” she says.
My relationship with Connor is easier than I imagined it would be, the awkwardness blown away within days. The more involved I become in his everyday life, the happier he is. When he’s facing pain and unhappiness in the next few months, I’m prepared to make up for the lost years and do anything that helps keep the smile on his brave face. If that’s being here, I will be.
“Have you eaten?” asks Hannah.
“Liquid meal.” I hold up the bottle.
She shakes her head with a small smile, and as Hannah walks away, I slump back in the chair, frightened by how easily I’ve slipped into their family life. Connor mentioned my Blue Phoenix world and I can’t picture that currently. England is more than thousands of miles away—it’s a lifetime away. Which life is reality?
A week since we last spoke, and I suspect Avery has made my decision for me. I thought this would end with the mother of all arguments, a bigger version than the night she was drunk, but it doesn’t. We miss calls, don’t return messages, and when we do speak, the calls become shorter and more distant. Now Avery doesn’t answer at all.
