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She thought hurriedly about her appearance. Was her hair a savage mess once more? Was she dirty from the rainstorm? She closed her eyes for a moment, embarrassed by that possibility. But then, they snapped open when she felt a light touch on the tip of her fingers. She almost drew them back in instinct, but when she looked down, she saw that it was Angus’ strong hand that touched her so gently and lovingly.
It felt like she stared for hours, watching the muscles of his hand move and savoring the feel of his hand on hers. She slowly responded in kind, feeling him back where he was touching her. Her head hurt, but it didn’t matter. She felt light and dizzy in a new way, a lovely way.
But suddenly, he pulled away, and Charlotte nearly gasped at the sudden movement. It was like she was awoken sharply from a dream, and she had to quell the feeling of disappointment at the removal of his hand. As if she had only now remembered, the sounds of the storm filled her ears, and she couldn’t believe that she hadn’t noticed it the whole time Angus was present.
“Lass, Charlotte, I have something for ye.” He pulled out a letter with the seal of Fort William on it. He didn’t look at her but simply handed it over.
“The letter,” she said stupidly when they both knew exactly what it was. “But how did it get here? The storm surely would have prevented any delivery.”
“A young boy started his journey, and the storm came just as he was nearing our shores. I have allowed him tae stay with us until the storm passes.”
Charlotte warmed at Angus’ generosity. So, perhaps Mrs. MacLean was right. There was a soft heart underneath his cold demeanor. But then she saw that the letter had been opened, and she felt a fury rise in her throat.
“Did the boy open my letter? How dare he?”
Angus placed his hand over Charlotte’s and then pulled away. “Nae, he didnae. ‘Twas I who opened it.”
Her eyes opened wide, and she opened her mouth to yell back, “How could you? This is personal! He could have written things in here for me to read that no other eyes should see.” The pain in her head began to increase, and she winced as the pounding stopped her speech.
“I’m sorry, lass. I wasnae sure what tae do. I didnae know if ye would wake up taenight or tomorrow, and we would need tae send word back tae yer father so that he wouldnae worry and send redcoats our way.”
She didn’t care, even if his arguments were reasonable. She was afraid of what her father had written inside. Did he write like he was writing to a child, as he often did, reprimanding her or trying to coax her to do his bidding? Did he write about the marriage she needed to think of? She would have died of embarrassment if so.
She didn’t answer right away but scanned the letter quickly. So she would have to leave, and he did mention the marriage. She flushed red anew and turned to Angus, her eyes narrowing. “I can’t believe you read my personal letter. He has spoken of things I did not wish anyone to know!”
“I am sorry, but…”
Her anger was making her unreasonable now. She was hurt, saddened, humiliated, and now, her head began to hurt more than ever. “No! I do not understand your reasons. You probably just wanted another way to control me and tell me what to do, putting me into a box, like all men think is the way to ‘handle’ their women.”
“Ye arenae my woman, lass. But,”
Charlotte didn’t even give him a chance to reply once again. “No, and thank God for that. If I was your woman, you probably would never let me leave my chamber or do anything that is at all worthwhile. I would have to follow your bidding and do whatever you asked.”
Angus’ voice became louder and sharper in response. “Ye are the one who makes yer own choices and never listen tae what I say tae keep ye safe. Ye are the one who kissed me, lass. I have never forced ye in any way. Bloody hell, why do ye give me this grief? I only try tae do my duty, and ye are like a burden tae my already heavy load!”
Charlotte kept looking at him, her chest moving quickly with the force of her breath. He was right. It was she who had done that. And she was blaming him for it. She wanted to blame him for everything: her father calling for her, her lack of ability to decipher what was happening with her patients, and the way he made her feel turned around and inside out.
He looked back at her, and they were silent for a moment, breathing hard as they let their angry words fly off into the air. She was enraged. She felt so violated by him, and that he seemed to know every part of her. Those eyes, always watching, and always taking what was not theirs, seeing through her. And yet, she knew nothing about him, and it infuriated her. She felt like she was trapped here with him, and even yet, she couldn’t help but glance slowly at his mouth once more, thinking about the taste of him.
She hated herself for it, and she pulled back to lay against the pillows. Her head was banging even harder now. She placed a hand lightly on her forehead. Angus spoke first, but his voice was tight, no longer containing the initial softness it had when he’d first entered the room. “Lass, ye should rest. There is nae need tae yell when ye are unwell. Ye have a week tae recover before ye leave.”
She grumbled, hating how the pain was making her appear weak in front of him. “And you know that from reading my personal letter. Go.” She waved him away.
Angus huffed but didn’t say anything, and Charlotte closed her eyes until she could hear the sound of the door shutting behind him. Then she breathed out, jubilant that he was gone, and she could clutch her shame to herself quietly without him watching her. A tear streamed down her face, partly from pain and partly from frustration.
She was to leave, and leave she would. He had asked her why she gave him so much grief. He had called her a burden on his ‘already heavy load’. Well, she could leave him to Duart Castle on his own, despite Calum’s great desire for her to be there. She wouldn’t fight her father’s wish and work to convince him. She couldn’t bear living here any longer. She would go, and earlier than he had requested.
