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But he does nothing, simply staring at me, so I continue, "You're blaming Damian for being a womanizer, while you're the one who's fucking every pretty girl in school simply because you can, and then trying to blame me for being..."
"I did all that because of you!" he barks back without letting me finish, and I freeze in surprise, unable to even move.
What did he just say?
"You were attracted to my brother because of how popular, how handsome, and what a playboy he is." And then he lets my hands go, and they fall from both sides of my body. And no matter how hard I’ve been trying to escape his grip, when he finally lets me go, it feels like something's missing.
"You're lying." I shake my head. "You're pretending like you care simply because I'm probably the only girl left in the whole school who hasn’t slept with you. You broke our friendship long before..."
"Before what, Kendall?" He interrupts me again, and this time his tone is calmer but no less terrifying, "Before you managed to tell me you're in love with my brother?"
I can't take a breath. I want to, but it feels as if he's holding his hand on my throat, squeezing it so tightly that I can't get air.
Is that what this is all about? He's mad at me because he thinks that I'm in love with Damian? I never was. Maybe I thought I was, but it ended the second Damian went to New York. And then I met Chad, who was kind and attentive to me, and I tried to, I really did, love him back, but I couldn't. I wanted us to get closer. I needed a friend. But no guy I've ever met could replace what I had with Josh...
I want to say something, I really do. My eyes are so full of tears that Josh's face is blurred when I look up at him again. I need all of my inner strength not to start crying like a baby.
"I hated you for choosingnot me," he continues, barely audible, and I notice that his voice has changed, too. As if he's trying to keep calm but can't. "That's why I bullied you. Because I hated you so much I couldn'tnot. And then I became the guy I thought you always wanted: an athlete, a womanizer, popular. I thought you wanted to date a guy like that, so I decided to try to become closer to you again." A long pause comes after, and he takes a deep breath. "And then you started dating Chad."
Josh exhales deeply and loudly, as if he was carrying something heavy with him, and now it's gone. He looks down at his feet while I keep staring at him.
The wind blows on my face in the next second, and I realize that my cheeks are wet. I didn’t even notice the moment when the tears started flowing from my eyes. And here I am, crying in front of a guy who I thought hated me. And I am literally mesmerized by his words, frozen in place.
"I was too late," he continues, looking up at me, and I can see that his eyes are wet as well. My heart squeezes.
The toughest, most unshakable person I know happens to bethissensitive. How can that be?
"I was too late, and you started dating someone else," he continues, taking me gently by the shoulders. "And then you wanted to move in with him, and I just..." He shrugs. "I almost lost hope, Sapphire."
My head is spinning. I place my hands on his chest to stay still. Our lips are inches apart, so close that I feel his breath. Part of me wants him to simply press his mouth against mine, intertwine our tongues, and forget about everything else.
But there's another part of me that needs answers. The answers I've been waiting for for so long. And no matter how painful it is for me to hear this, I want him to continue, so I keep silently listening to what he will say next.
"When you told me yesterday that you broke up, something new and completely different woke up inside of me." Josh squeezes my shoulders just a little, but it feels like an electric current is shooting through my body. "As if I gave up too early, too easily, and now I’m finally getting a new chance..."
"Then why are you doing this? Why are you acting like an asshole?" I ask without thinking, and I'm amazed that my voice sounds so brave. I am finally able to stand up for myself in front of Josh Underwood.
"Because I love you, Sapphire," he whispers so quietly that I can barely hear it. I dig my fingers into his shirt, maybe to make sure he's real, and I am not imagining things. "I've always loved you, but then, as we grew older, I realized that I'm in love with you."
His gaze travels from my eyes to my lips. I bite my lower lip so hard that I feel blood on my tongue. Josh slowly moves one of his hands to the back of my neck, stroking his thumb over my cheek as he watches how I fight the urge to start crying, biting my lip even harder.
"Is there a chance you could ever love me back?"
Chapter Seventeen
Josh
And here we are; I just said it. A couple of seconds ago, I confessed that I love Kendall O'Connor, and there's no way to take my words back.
Moreover, I also asked her if there's any chance she could ever love me back. And now she's standing here, looking at me with those vast, intense blue eyes that seem even bigger with fear and frustration.
I don't want everything to end like this. Or is this a beginning? I can only hope so. When Kendall told me she broke up with her boyfriend, I thought I'd have to wait to win back her trust, to become her friend again.
And then I saw her with my brother, and all those feelings of jealousy and pain came back again, and I couldn't fight them.
Just talk to her,Damian told me this morning.Don't you see how hard it is for her? With how much expectation she looks at you?
I didn't see it. All I saw was my own feelings, not Kendall's. I felt betrayed that she regretted our night together, thinking it was a mistake. And then all those jokes about her marrying my brother had knocked me down completely.
