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Caroline smiled slightly as she shook her head at her sister's grin. "He hurt me, Ann. All that time I thought we finally walked the same path, but he was just pretending to care. I am sure they must have laughed at me. How naive and gullible I was to think he cared.I feel like a fool for believing his words. I believed him when he said he would never stray, until I saw him in our home, in the arms of his old lover, while I was sick in bed. How can anyone be so heartless and uncaring?" she asked in a small voice.
Ann wrapped her hands around her as Caroline fought to stop herself from wallowing in misery. She refused to cry over someone who was probably laughing at her right now.
"You are doing rightby turning him away. It isclearly a family trait for them to pretend to care and then betray you. I see no other reason why two men would behave in the same way, clearly not appreciating the true meaning of companionship," Ann raged.
Caroline knew Ann was speaking about Colin, who she still refused to talk to. She peeled her sister's hands off her and touched a hand to her face.
"It is alright, the right man for you will come." She did not know if that were true for her anymore, but her sister was sure to find someone who would care deeply for her.
Ann placed a hand on Caroline's stomach and smiled, eyes closed as she felt around. "You should never let him see the child when he or she is born. He does not deserve that after what he did to you."
Caroline was shocked at Ann's words but did not say anything in response. She had no intention of keeping Alexander away from their child, despite how she currently felt about him.
The next day, another letter arrived during breakfast and thankfully, it was a calmer affair. She eventually had read the other letters she received from him. It still did not change how she felt about him but as she left for her room after breakfast, she took the letter with her, with the intention of reading it. She tore it open as soon as she got to her room.
My dearest Caroline,
I am sure by now that you have grown tired of receiving letters from me and having me harass your butler every day. I have decided to give you what you want, whatever that may be. All I want in return is to meet one last time. Then I will grant your request, I will move out of the house if you want me to, so you and our child can stay, I will grant you a divorce if that is what you want. I simply ask for one last meeting.
Yours, Alexander.
Caroline read the letter with her heart stuck in her throat. She did not want to see him, but the thought of divorce was not something that had crossed her mind just yet. She steeled her nerves and wrote a short note in response, simply saying to expect her at the house the next day.
It is finally time to put an end to this charade once and for all.
She rang for the butler to have the letter delivered.
CHAPTERTWENTY-SEVEN
Caroline climbed into her family's carriage to take her andAlexander's homelate in the morning. He'd sent her another letter thanking her for agreeing to his request and offering to have his carriage come pick her up when she was ready to leave, but she'd refused. Partly because she wasn't sure she'd go through with it, and partly because she'd decided that, aside from his explanation, she didn't want anything else from him.
She would listen to whatever excuses he was going to give her and then she would have the servants pack up and deliver her belongings to her parents' home. The carriage started to slow as they got close to her destination and her thoughts evaporated.
She wished she had more time to calm down because she wasn't sure how she would react when she saw him, given how angry she was. He could have simply explained to her that he couldn't stay away from Isabella when she asked him how he felt about her on the night he got drunk. It would have hurt, but not in this way. She was human and understood what it meant to love someone, despite the fact that she had never been in love herself. Instead, he chose to deceive her and instill false hope in her, causing her to fall in love with him, and now he had chosen his married lover over her.
As the carriage came to a halt, her anger was suddenly replaced with deep grief when she looked up at the house. Memories of the good times she had here suddenly flashed in her head and her sadness grew. It had been short, but she had found happiness. She had assumed that the only time she would leave this house for anything other than a visit would be if they chose to go on holiday somewhere else. Her wildest dreams had not predicted she would be leaving in this manner.
Her grief was exacerbated by the prospect of seeing Alexander. She wasn't sure she could stand seeing his face as he spoke to her. After all, the last time she saw him, he had another woman seated on his lap. Caroline never allowed herself to look at him when he came over to the Campbell house because she was afraid of how he would make her feel. Her hands unconsciously traveled to her belly, where her baby was growing peacefully, as she had done on a regular basis since learning of her pregnancy.
Caroline knew she had to go up there. Alexander would never leave her alone if she didn't; he was determined to talk to her, though she had no idea what he thought he could say to make the situation better. She needed to be strong now. Not only for herself, but also for the baby growing in her womb. After all, she would be raising the child alone, and she needed to ensure that she was fully capable of doing so by the time it was born. Sure, her parents would help, especially her father, whomshe was certain would never let her baby grow up without a father figure in its life, but the decision-making would be entirely up to her, and she needed to be prepared for that.
Whatever he had to say to her, she would listen. Perhaps he didn't want to explain himself or try to win her back. She didn't know if all he cared about was talking about his child, but she did know that the outcome of this meeting would be for her child's benefit. Caroline rapped on the carriage door, as prepared as she would ever be to confront him.
Caroline walked into the house, confident in her ability to navigate this for her child's benefit. She wasn't sure what kind of man Alexander was anymore, but she didn't think he'd make things difficult for her. The child was still his and no one else's, no matter who he ended up with.
She made her way into the drawing room where she had stipulated their meeting would take place and the moment she saw Alexander, she was bombarded with emotions. Emotions she had strived to keep at bay since she left. One thing was certain as she stared at his handsome face, she missed him. She missed him so much she wanted to forget everything and run into his arms, but the one thing that put her and her mother at loggerheads every time was her stubbornness and that stubbornness was very much present.
Caroline could not settle for less than what she believed she deserved and as much as she wanted the comfort of his hands right now, she also knew she would not be searching for this comfort if it were not for his betrayal. She stopped a way off from him and simply stared, not saying a word.
"Caroline," Alexander said, standing up as soon as he saw her. She closed her eyes as the wind carried his word to her ear. He sounded as though he had missed her as much as she missed him. As though he had been tormented as much as she had. Sighing, she opened her eyes. She would not dwell on his feelings. Feelings she could no longer trust.
"Alexander," she returned, refusing to say any more. She would not be the one to start. He wanted her here, so he could say what he wanted first. She refused to give him any hint of what to say.
She examined him closely and noticed that, while he had dressed nicely, there were visible signs that he was not as put togetheras he appeared. She'd been with him long enough to recognize thesigns. He'd gone through his hair three times since seeing her, and he had dark circles under his eyes. She also noticed that he was fidgety, as if he didn't know what to do with himself now that she was here.
Good.Her thoughts were vengeful. They were in the same boat. It was good if he was feeling some pain from all this, although she did not know why when he was the one who ruined them. She was not sure what he was sad about, but at least he did not look like a man who was happy to have finally gotten what he wanted.
Caroline kept her face perfectly stoic despite the onslaught of emotions warring in her. The vengeful part of her was angry and wished she could slap him, make him feel her pain; and the exhausted and frustrated part of her just wanted to cry and allow herself to be comforted. Something she had not done much of at home. She had allowed only Ann to see a little of what she might be feeling but not enough to comfort her as she needed, and right now, she wanted to just release it and let herself heal. She refused to act on any of these feelings, choosing instead to stay where she was and wait for him to speak first.
