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“No, you don’t. This doesn’t control you, Lily. Here.” She moved around my side and let down my messy braid and began re-braiding it, careful to tame all the flyaway hairs into the tight weave.
My fingers itched to pluck them free. To keep plucking until I felt at peace. But it was a downward spiral I didn’t want to start.
Poppy was right. It didn’t control me, not anymore. I focused on my breathing instead, controlling the things I could control, until I felt calmer.
“There,” she said. “You’ve got this, Lil.”
“Thank you.”
“I’m so proud of you.” She threw her arms around me.
“Proud?” I whispered.
“Well, yeah, duh.” Poppy held me at arm’s length, sincerity glittering in her eyes. “After everything you’ve been through, you still found the courage to go after what you want. That takes balls.”
“Poppy, it was a disaster. I wish I’d never gone to the stupid dance.” Pain lashed at my insides and a tear slipped free. I wiped it away, trying not to let the darkness consume me again.
“Granted, it didn’t end quite the way you had planned. But don’t let that take away from the fact that you stepped wildly out of your comfort zone and went for it. You should be so proud of yourself.”
“You do know half our class and most of the faculty saw me and Kaiden…”
“That was… unfortunate.” Her lips curved and we both shared a small laugh.
“Unfortunate?” I balked. “Poppy, Dad saw me giving Kaiden a hand job in the middle of the fair.”
“Shit, you’re right. We’d better call 9-1-1.” I frowned and she added, “Dad’s going to kill him.”
* * *
Turnedout Dad didn’t kill Kaiden. He came home an hour later. I heard him and Mom talking in hushed voices, but I stayed in my room.
I was exhausted. Wrung out from my panic attack last night. From the sheer embarrassment that everyone now shared one of the most intimate moments of my life with me. I would never be able to walk down the hall at school without someone smirking or snickering.
God, how was I ever going to face them? If I was Lindsey or Peyton—hell, even Ashleigh—something like that wouldn’t faze them. They’d walk into school with their heads held high and own it. Teenagers made mistakes. They got caught up in the moment and gave into their sexual urges. It happened all the time.
But most of us didn’t end up sharing those moments with the entire senior class.
A knock at my door startled me. “Lily, can I come in?”
“Sure, Dad.”
He slipped inside, closing the door behind him. “How are you feeling?”
“Like I never want to set foot in school again. I mean, I can barely look at you right now.” And he was my dad. The man who had picked me up whenever I fell down. The man who had taught me about the importance of family. The man who had taught me how to love.
“It’s okay, I bleached my eyes earlier. Problem solved.” His lips curved into a wry smile, but it did little to ease the huge knot in my stomach. “I don’t care about the video, Lily. I care about you, sweetheart.” He sat on the edge of the bed.
“You went to see him?”
“I did.”
“Should I start calling the local hospitals?”
He chuckled, his eyes crinkling with humor. “Funny, funny, ha ha. You know, Kaiden isn’t at all what I expected. His old man… how bad does it get?”
“I’m not sure. But you know the bruise on his cheek?” Dad nodded and I went on, “His dad hit him. He says it was an accident, but I’m not so sure.”
“Shit.” He released a steady breath. “I didn’t realize things were so bad. He told me he got it at practice.”
