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Peyton
Tears rolleddown my cheeks as I clutched Xander’s letter, reading it for the third time.
Peyton,
Before you, I was bitter. Angry and jaded at the world. I didn’t believe in love or soulmates or happy-ever-afters. Sure, I watched everyone around me fall in love and find their person, the other half of their soul, but I knew it wouldn’t ever be me.
You see, I didn’t want it. I didn’t want to give my heart to someone, only to lose them somewhere down the line. I have always had attachment issues, a deep sense of abandonment that as I grew turned into a steel fortress around my emotions.
And then I saw you in the river that night. I didn’t want to be your hero. I didn’t want to be anyone’s hero. But I saw the way you looked at me. Nobody had ever looked at me like that. I felt unworthy, undeserving of your attention. But the more you got all up in my face, the more I fell. And a strange thing happened. For the first time in my life, I could breathe. You didn’t look at me and see Xander the constant disappointment, the down-and-out drinking his life away. You saw Xander, a hero, your savior, a guy who knew what it was like to always feel on the outside looking in.
I knew it was wrong to want you. Fuck, it was so wrong. But how could anything that felt so right ever be wrong?
If I could go back in time, I’d like to think I’d do things differently. That I’d tell you we had to wait. But the truth is, I’m not sure I would. Because although I saved you that night, what you probably don’t realize is, you saved me too. You taught me how to smile, how to laugh, and love. You taught me what it means to be brave and fight for something better.
I lied to you that night when I told you I couldn’t love you. I love you, Peyton. I love your flaws and imperfections, your scars and emotional baggage. I love the girl you are, and the woman you’ll become. I know I hurt you. I know I don’t deserve a second chance, but here I am anyway, asking for one last shot.
You asked me once not to break your heart… and I failed. But I swear, it won’t happen again.
I’m staying at The Happy Days Motel, room 4B, on the edge of town until Sunday. If you want to talk, about anything, you know where to find me.
Xander
“Peyton?”There was a soft tap at my door. “Can I come in?”
“Yeah.”
Jason’s head appeared around the door. “Hey,” he said.
“Hey.” I sniffled, drying my eyes with my sleeves. “What’s up?”
“I just wanted to check in on you. It’s been an eventful night.”
“Why did you tell him about the dinner?”
He perched against the edge of my desk. “Because no matter what happened between the two of you, Xander is family and I thought he should be there… and I thought you might want him there.”
“I didn’t.” I peeked up at him. “At least, I thought I didn’t.”
“Did you get any answers?” His gaze went to the letter in my hand.
“Some.”
“I know it can’t be easy talking to me about this. I was the one who sent Xander away.”
“Xander is a grown man. If he didn’t want to go, he didn’t have to—”
“Yes, Peyton, he did. If Huckley had gone running to Principal Kiln, Xander could have been arrested. Your name would have been dragged through the mud. Hell, my name, Cam’s name, our families… it would have been very messy.”
“I was eighteen. I would have denied everything.”
“I know, but it doesn’t change the fact that he worked at the school where you were a student. Xander leaving was the right decision, the only decision. You both needed time…”
“Time?”
“You were grieving, Peyton, and Xander saved you, literally saved your life. You were vulnerable and you latched onto him, and I think deep down, a part of Xander needed to save you.”
“Because of his mom and dad,” I whispered.
