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“You’re not doing anything. I just… I’m fine. School will be good for me.” I needed to keep busy, to do something—anything—rather than sit around all day. When I stopped and my mind was still, the images ambushed me. Blood. So much freaking blood. My mom’s dull lifeless eyes as she stared up at me, her wrists shredded open.
“I’m sorry I ruined Thanksgiving weekend.”
“Peyton, you didn’t ruin anything. We wanted to be here for you.”
Lily and her family had big plans before my mom took a razor to her wrists and I… well, I got drunk, went down to the river, and ended up in hospital. Not my finest moment. But I was okay now. It was a lapse in judgment. A split second where I just wanted it all to stop.
The pain and heartache.
The constant dejection.
The years of abuse and neglect and never feeling good enough.
All I ever wanted was a family who loved me… a mother who loved me.
And now she was gone.
Emotion welled in my chest, but I swallowed it down. I’d spent my entire life locking away my feelings, I wasn’t about to break the cycle now.
“Is Kaiden nervous about the quarter-finals?” I changed the subject, turning to the one subject I knew Lily wouldn’t be able to resist.
Her boyfriend. Kaiden Thatcher.
“He says he isn’t. But he has to be. I mean, it’s a big deal, right?”
“Well, yeah. Everyone’s looking to him to bring home the championship.”
“God, I’m so nervous. I know how much it means to him.”
“He’ll be fine, babe. If anyone can do it, it’s Kaiden.”
He was kind of a big deal on the football field, and despite a rocky start to his senior year at Rixon High, he had led the team to an impressive season record.
“He and Dad spent the entire day yesterday strategizing. I swear they went from mortal enemies to best friends in the space of a weekend.”
I smiled but it didn’t reach my eyes. I was happy for Lily, she deserved nothing but good things. But feeling happy for someone and being happy were two different things. And my sunshine-o-meter was all out of juice.
“If you’re done eating, I’ll clean up.” Lily climbed off the bed.
“Actually, I’ll help you.”
“Yeah?” Her brows pinched.
“Yeah, a change of scenery might do me good.” I hadn’t stepped foot out of the Ford’s house since being discharged from the hospital five days ago except to attend Mom’s funeral. I could barely remember the service. Thankfully, Lily’s parents had organized almost everything and all I’d had to do was show up.
Standing, I ran my hand through my long blonde hair and inhaled a shuddering breath. My body ached, weary with grief, but sleep refused to come easy since that night.
Seven days, eight hours, and thirty—I checked my cell phone—thirty-five minutes, give or take.
I grabbed our glasses and followed Lily downstairs. The familiar rumble of Mr. Ford’s laughter drifted down the hall and I hesitated.
“Relax,” she said, noticing. “They’ll be pleased to see you.”
“You make it sound like I’ve been holed up in my room for days on end.”
Lily cast me a knowing look that had a sticky trail of regret snaking through me.
“I haven’t been that bad,” I murmured as we made our way into the kitchen.
