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Addison stands up. Her cheeks are crimson and she’s shaking. ‘So you’re just going to send me off to Denver to get acid thrown in my face? Because that’s somehow better than the alternative?’
‘Of course not.’ I shake my head. Why is it I care about her so damn much? Already. ‘This is coming out wrong. I’m notabandoningyou. I’d never do that. I just think it’s best forboth of usif you, if you…’
‘If Iwhat?’ she spits. ‘If I just get out of your hair? Is that what you’re saying?’
‘I…’ I’m making things worse with every word. ‘I… I need to focus on keeping the forest safe… and Georgie… and with you there in the cabin with me, you’re just… you’re just…’
‘I’m justwhat? Too distracting because you want to put yourcockbetween my legs the whole time?’
Addison is starting to really raise her voice now, and I’m mortified. I bet all the other diners just heard that. Marilyn calls over from behind the counter. ‘Everything alright with your order, kids?’
‘Fine, Marilyn, just fine,’ I call back. Then I look back at Addison, imploring her with my expression to sit back down.
‘I was going to say that you’re just too damn precious to lose,’ I say gruffly. ‘I don’t want anything bad to happen to you, Dee. I care about you.’
13
ADDISON
As I sit on the veranda in the cool morning breeze, I try to remember what my dad taught me about mindfulness.
Take a breath and think about what you’re experiencing in the present.
I can smell the medicinal, woody scent of the pines. I can hear the wind and the birds chattering to each other in the trees. I can feel the hard, waxed wood on my bare legs.
‘Everything alright, out here?’
Now, I can hear Finn.
I open my eyes. ‘I’m fine,’ I say, instinctively hiding my stuffie, Mr. Squishy, in case Finn mocks me for cuddling him in broad daylight.
I can’t decide whether to hate Finn’s guts or to cut him some slack. I mean, he’s meant to be a Daddy, but he’s sending me out into the big bad world today, to fend for myself. He says he’s trying to do what’s best for me. I guess he’s weighed up all the options, and thinks staying at the cabin is the most dangerous of all the dangerous scenarios.
But it sucks. And I can’t help feeling like he’s abandoning me. And like he’s a jerk for not wanting me to stick around, no matter what. When he said he cared about me, my heart did a backflip.
Plus, it’s hard to becompletelyfurious with him when he slept by my side last night.
I mean, there was no funny business, of course. Would I have been up for it if the opportunity presented itself? Probably. Although I’m not sure I want my first time with someone to be full of bitterness and anger. So it’s probably for the best.
No. I slept on the sofa last night, fully-clothed, with adifferentbeast on top of me all night: Eric. I was so relieved he was alright when we got back to the cabin, that it wasn’thissevered head that we discovered on the cabin floor — even though Finn was careful to lock the door when we left — that I barely let the little pup out of my sight all evening. I think I’ll miss that pooch more than Finn once I’ve left.
Finn slept on the armchair beside me all night. Not that I think he actually slept at all. He sat there with his gun cocked, ready to attack anyone who dared intrude. Felt like I had a big gruff Daddy Bear watching over me. Luckily, we didn’t hear a peep all night.
And even though Finn must be freaking exhausted this morning, he’s not showing it. He’s been inside cooking pancakes while I sit out on the veranda, getting some fresh air.
‘You don’t have to keep checking on me,’ I say. ‘I’m really okay.’ Obviously, I love that he keeps checking on me.
‘Youmeditatingout here?’ he asks, raising an eyebrow, amused.
‘Well, I’ve seen you do it,’ I said. ‘Figured I’d give it a go. Not really sure what I’m meant to be doing, though, so I was just trying to be in the moment. You know. Paying attention to the five senses. My mind keeps drifting, though. Keep thinking about getting a pacifier. I feel like that would be an amazing meditation tool.’
I notice Finn scanning the forest briefly, checking there’s nothing unusual going on out there. Then, he looks back at me and smiles. ‘Only problem is, if you’ve got your paci in, how are you gonna get stuck into my pancakes?’
I pull a fake confused face. ‘I guess Icouldtake it out for pancakes.’
He smiles. ‘What about that teddy bear you’re hiding from me?’ he asks. ‘Reckon he’d like pancakes too?’
I blush and nod shyly. ‘That’s my stuffie, Mr. Squishy,’ I say. ‘And he loves pancakes.’
