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Chapter 12
We drive in silence. The tips of Ted’s ears have turned red, and then I hear myself start to babble, ‘Ted, hope you don’t think I was being inappropriate back there – I wasn’t trying to – I mean, obviously, even if you weren’t married, you wouldn’t be—’ I swallow nervously, apparently unable to finish a single sentence. ‘Just so long as it’s clear, that – well—’
Ted rescues me from tying myself in verbal knots.
‘Laura, it’s fine. I didn’t mean it to sound like that.’ He exhales again. ‘My wife and I are separated. I haven’t seen her in two years. That’s why I said she wouldn’t care.’
‘Oh,’ I say, genuinely surprised. Then without thinking, ‘What happened?’ When Ted doesn’t answer immediately, I add, ‘You don’t have to tell me. Sorry, I’m being nosy.’
‘It’s fine,’ he says, clearing his throat. ‘I don’t mind telling you. She just left the house one day, said she was going to get her hair cut. When I went downstairs, I found a note, her wedding ring, and her mobile phone on the kitchen table.’
He goes quiet again, but I wait, trying not to fill the space, to allow Ted room to say more, the art of the apple peel. ‘She took a suitcase of clothes and that was it. Left me with the house, all our stuff from nine years together, all our friends to explain it to.’
‘Just like that?’ I can’t keep the surprise from my voice.
‘Just like that,’ he says.
‘What did her note say?’ I ask.
Ted flexes his hands on the steering wheel.
‘It was complicated, we didn’t want the same things in the end.’
He doesn’t want to tell me the details, but I’m beginning to understand his Castaway vibe.
‘Did you look for her?’ I ask.
‘Yes,’ Ted’s eyes have turned glassy, ‘but she cut off all contact. Her note said she was going to Nebraska, it was this joke between us. When one of us had a bad day at work, the other would say, “What are you gonna do, move to Nebraska?” It was from some show we’d watched, about Nebraska being in the middle of nowhere. It wasn’t a particularly funny joke.’ Ted bites his lip, rubbing his jaw with one hand.
‘So, you’ve got no way of getting in touch with her, you don’t even know what country she’s in? That’s nuts.’
Ted flexes his fingers on the wheel.
‘I don’t know why I’m telling you all this, sorry.’
‘Don’t be sorry; I asked.’ I pause, watching his face. ‘Besides, you know all about my crazy suitcase chase. Rule of the cab – it’s a safe space.’
He smiles at me then. There must be something about sitting next to someone, both your eyes on the road, that allows you to express what you might not say face to face.
I find myself hoping we don’t arrive at our destination too quickly; I want to hear more.
‘You know, two years on, I still wear my ring, even though she left hers behind.’
I can’t believe someone would just walk out of their life like that. How could you do that to someone you had loved?
‘Do you miss her?’ I ask, then clench my jaw, worrying it’s too personal a question.
‘She was a part of me,’ he says softly, the pain palpable in his voice. ‘When you are with someone for a long time, you grow into each other, like adjoining trees with tangled roots. It’s hard to extricate yourself and find the part that’s left – who you were before.’
‘Especially when she hacks her tree down and runs off with it,’ I say, indignant on his behalf. This makes him smile. His shoulders fall, and he rubs his neck with the heel of his palm as though releasing tension.
I pull the fisherman’s jumper, that’s too big for me, down over my hands. Then I find myself pressing the soft wool to my nose and breathing in the smell. I wonder if the owner of this jumper really is the person my tree roots might grow into like that.
‘I haven’t talked about it much with anyone,’ he says, looking sideways at me without turning his head.
‘Well, people do say I’m very easy to talk to,’ I say, in a sing-song, jokey voice.
‘You are,’ he says, earnestly, and I feel the warmth of the compliment fill the car.
