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He held me through the nightmares that haunted me. I would cry myself to sleep with worry over the fact that I had been so careless to bring something into the world that I would someday abandon.
But then he was born.
Colin was the most perfect thing I had ever seen. Gabriel and I were obsessed with him, obsessed with our roles as parents. Rocking him during those long, sleepless nights, I would memorize the feeling of his little body curled against mine. Everything he did was the best thing I had ever seen. His laugh filled up all the empty parts of me that even Gabriel's love couldn't reach.
I was walking home from town one day for some groceries when it happened. That tingly feeling that I had dreaded for so long began. I dropped the packages in my arms and started to run for home, screaming for Gabriel and Colin as I ran. But just like all the times before, I disappeared. And every last part of me was broken.
Now
I wake early the next morning, a sense of unease stirring in my stomach. My mind full of the misery of my past. What have I done? I obviously was doomed to relive the mistakes of my past over and over again. I would never learn.
I turn to see where Liam is, but he's not in the bed. Before making any rash decisions, I pull the shirt he cast off on the floor the night before over me, and I walk to go find him. I'm almost around the corner when I hear him talking on the phone to someone in the kitchen.
"She actually believes she's from the past. Or at least she's the most convincing liar I've ever met. She has every detail of her story so mapped out that it's almost impossible to find any inconsistencies. I'm gone over this girl. More in love than I thought possible, but she needs help," he says to someone on the phone.
I feel like I've been stabbed in the gut. Agony washes over me and I feel paralyzed. Paralyzed...and then angry. How dare he? I've literally poured my heart out to him. I've told him almost everything about my journey. He's heard all about Landon, Will, James, Gabriel...and Colin. All about the years I've spent alone in foreign places. He's bribed all the dark, ugly things about my life out of me, things I haven't told anyone.
Along with my anger, I feel foolish. Foolish to have taken the chance and trusted him. I had been so focused on not hurting him, on not falling in love and leaving another piece of my heart behind, that I had forgotten the possibility that existed in a normal life to be the one who is hurt. I had forgotten that love stories don't always end where the girl and guy are equally in love and keep their promises to each other.
I quietly hurry back to the bedroom, not bothering to hear what else he has to say.
I'm almost ready to go when I hear him coming down the hall. He steps into the room, two mugs in his hand. He's shirtless, his body a work of art, and I hate him a little bit more for torturing me with his looks right after he just broke my heart.
"You're up," he says warily, watching me as I finish getting dressed and collect my things.
"I have to go run an errand," I tell him softly as he walks towards me holding out the coffee that I know will be made exactly how I like it.
Because for some reason this man bothered to find out everything about me even though he thinks I'm a nut case.
He stills at my words, and his green eyes hold me hostage.
"You're running," he says quietly.
"I'm not. I just have something I need to do," I tell him, the words sounding like a lie to my own ears even though they are the truth. Or at least a version of the truth.
"Let me at least make you breakfast," he says, setting the mugs down on the night table and taking a shirt out of a drawer.
I'm awestruck for a moment as I watch the muscles in his back move as he pulls on the shirt. I can tell by the tight way that he's holding himself that he's upset with me.
Like he has any right.
I should just let it go. It's best that he be the one to sever ties. Even if this worked out, if he didn't think I was crazy. There is no happy ending for me regardless.
We eat breakfast in tense silence. Liam shoots me tentative looks throughout all of it and a sense of deep self-loathing settles over me. Why did I do this?
He walks me to the door after I shoot down his request to drive me home.
"Tell me what I did wrong," he chokes out, tipping my chin up so that I'm forced to look into those intoxicating eyes.
I ignore his comment. I don't want to hear him groveling. I want to carry my anger and indignation with me so that it's easier to say goodbye and keep away from him.
"I'll see you later," I lie to him as I paste a smile on my face that I know he can see right through.
He smiles at me painfully and pulls me into him for a kiss that's so passionate, it leaves me reeling and questioning everything for a second.
His eyes are soft as he gazes down at me.
"Hurry back," he whispers as I memorize his face, so I can keep it locked away with all the other heartbreaking, exquisite memories I carry with me everywhere.
