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The taxi idling at the curb outside of the estate's gate gives a loud honk, and I hurry towards it. I can feel his eyes on me the entire way.
I think a part of me had been saving this cemetery for last. There are scores of cemeteries in Boston, many of them containing at least a few 1700s era headstones. This one is full of revolutionary heroes. It figures that somehow my sweet Gabriel would find himself buried among them. He always was the most popular guy in the room.
I trace the barely legible letters with my hand, and a whimper of agony sounds out of me, surprising me with its ferocity. It was best to cut the cord. Someday this will be Liam. I would find myself here again, a woman without a heart. It would be inevitable.
Someone clears their throat behind me. I stand up and brush myself off. There's an older looking gentleman standing in front of me looking at me curiously.
"Was this fellow a family member of yours?" he asks.
"Something like that," I answer, beginning to turn around.
"They called this soldier 'the butcher' in the war," he tells me, which makes me turn quickly back around to look at him.
He must be mistaken. Gabriel? A butcher? It's one of the most ludicrous statements I've ever heard. This man clearly doesn't know what he's talking about.
"It's true. I did a whole presentation on it at Harvard last year. The journals I read about him stated that he lost his wife and their little boy almost at the same time. His wife disappeared into thin air while walking to the market, and his little boy died of diphtheria a year later. He was the most ferocious solder in the Revolutionary War before he was finally struck down during the Battle of Rhode Island."
I can't breathe. The world is spinning. I've kept that memory locked away tight inside of me, not daring to ever examine it closely for fear that I will go mad from them. My Colin. My little boy. I can feel the weight in my arms as if I'm holding him that very moment. His chubby hands would fist my dress as he gave me that adorable gummy grin.
He had been a mistake. Something that I was terrified of because I knew that I would eventually leave him. I had never let myself imagine that he hadn't grown up. I hadn't even looked for him knowing that a visual representation of his absence would be the final nail in the coffin I had been building for centuries.
"Miss, are you all right?" the man asks, but I can't even answer him. I simply walk away.
As I walk, I feel a telltale tingling sensation start on my right arm. I should feel panic, but instead I feel nothing. It won't be happening again.
In a daze I find myself walking to the sea. I end up at the cliffs looking out at its swirling, angry depths. It's where I've always found myself in good times and in bad. It's where I feel closest to them. It's where I'm home.
It seems a fitting place for the end of my story.
I take a step closer to where the rocks drop sharply off, each step filled with some painful, beautiful memory. Pieces of rock scatter and fall down the cliff face as I walk. I take a deep breath, soaking up the salty air. The breeze caresses my face and relaxes my mind. I close my eyes and prepare to step off the side of the cliff.
"Juliet," yells Liam's voice from behind me. I open my eyes and lose my balance in my surprise. As I begin to fall, I see him sprinting towards me, his hand outstretched to meet mine. I would never have picked for the end to come in front of him, no matter the fact that he lied to me and broke my heart. I'm not that cruel.
He grabs my hand right before I fall completely, and it's like I'm existing outside myself. I see that he's straining to pull me up, and I can see that I'm just hanging there, not making any effort to help. My hand is slipping out of his tight grasp and I know that if I don't help him with his efforts, I'm going to fall to my death.
The sea churns beneath me, her depths whispering my name, welcoming me into her cold arms.
Liam's eyes are wild and fearful, full of unspoken promises and most of all...love.
The devil on my shoulder tells me that everyone would be better off, that I've earned a final end since somehow, I have managed to evade death for so long.
The angel on my right says I should try one more time. That this time maybe it would be different.
I listen to the angel one last time.
My other hand flies up and grabs onto his hand. Now that he's able to get a firmer grip, he begins to pull me back up the face of the cliff. I get sprayed by drops from the waves that are crashing against the rocks.
Although he's doing most of the work, I feel wet, cold, exhausted, and afraid. Afraid that I've just made a mistake.
He pulls me over the edge of the drop off, and we both lay panting on our backs. He grabs my hand while we lay there, keeping it in an iron grip like he's afraid that I'll disappear if he lets go.
We look at each other then, but don't speak. I'm about to say something, when the tingling feeling that I had forgotten about due to my fall from the cliff returns with a vengeance.
The last thing I see as my body fades away is Liam's look of shock as he stares after me, still holding my hand as I disappear from view right in front of him.
To Be Continued…
