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"None of them in our class. I used to think I wanted to kiss Ciella, but then I talked to her." I rolled my eyes to make the point. "Completely ruined the fantasy."
"Huh."
Eladehl's remark confused me enough for my forehead to crease. "What doesthatmean?"
"Terina, my mentor? She says that some people are open-minded enough to not care who they touch, but that's not the same as being completely attracted. And she said that others decide who is attractive based on something other than the outside. Could be their personality, their mentality, or anything else, but every priest and priestess in the Temple of Temptation is at least open-minded. It's why Zeal chooses us."
I filed that away and got back to moving, but I couldn't stop thinking about it. I thought Wraythe was beautiful, even when everyone else said he wasn't. I liked Anver, and he was pretty average-looking, mostly because he was younger than these two. I also liked Eladehl, though. He was basically the best-looking boy in our year right now, and I could see it.
Thinking about it made me even more confused, so that afternoon, when the three of us were once again in the courtyard, I brought it back up. Wraythe was going through his weapons stances. Eladehl had flopped down beside me on my blanket, thumbing through my book. The jerk had even lost my place.
"Hey?" I asked him, snagging my book out of his hands. "What's it like to be attracted to both boys and girls?"
He rolled onto his side to face me. "I dunno. I like boys because they're strong and hard. I like girls because they're soft and gentle. Bodies, I mean. Even a gentle man is still made of thick bones, and a strong woman is made of fleshy curves."
Which made sense, actually. "So like bread and cheese?"
He laughed. "Yeah, I guess? I really like the rolls we get with dinner. The sweet ones with all the butter? The dry stuff for soup isn't as great. But I like cheese too. The sharp kind, the tangy kind, and even the soft stuff they melt in our sandwiches."
"Sounds like you prefer cheese to bread," I pointed out.
He shook his head. "It's more that most cheese is good. Not all bread is. Sometimes, the bread is just gross, and it takes a bit more to make itamazing.You know what I mean? But cheese is like girls, and bread is like guys. There are a lot who do nothing for me. The ones who do, though?Amazing."
"My mentor likes girls," I told him. "She accepts some men, but she doesn't really like them."
"So the open-minded type," he said, showing he understood.
"But what if I don't at all? What if it's weird to touch one, and I don't ever know because I don't like any of the girls in our class?"
He reached over to push my hair out of my face. "I suppose it only matters if you're going to follow the Path of the Body."
"Like you are?" I asked.
He nodded. "I like touching people, Nariana. I love how good it feels. I want the clothes, the fame, and everything that comes with it. I'm so ready to go all the way, but Saval says we can't. She says we need to learn the right way or we could twist our enjoyment forever."
"Because we aren't old enough to consent," I grumbled.
He leaned back, looking at me strangely. "How old are you?"
"Sixteen. You?"
"Just turned eighteen. Wraythe is a few months older than me. Then again, you're the youngest in class, huh?"
"Yep, surrendered a few months before I turned ten, but my father told me to lie. I was already marked, so they let me go through the classes." I turned onto my back. "My mentor swears they aren't holding everyone back because of me."
"Nah, they do this with all the classes. It's hard to wait, though. I mean, it's just a couple of years, but it kinda feels like forever."
"I just hate that we aren't allowed to make decisions for ourselves," I grumbled.
He scooted a little closer so he could look down at my face. "What do you mean?"
"I mean everything. We didn't ask to be born, we didn't choose to live in poverty, we didn't want to be given away by our parents. None of us were asked which god we wanted to follow, or if we even wanted to be priests. We aren't allowed to choose what to do with our bodies. None of it, and it's only going to get worse. They spend all this time telling us to choose a Path, but in the end, we aren't the ones picking it. It's decided by our marks, so Zeal takes that away too. And what if I end up as a Priestess of the Body? I won't even know if I like sex, because I'm not allowed to do that until after we're chosen!"
"Think about the guardians," he pointed out. "They're told to wait, then told they can't."
We both looked up at Wraythe. "Anver says that a lot of guardians aren't really interested. They want personal connections more than physical ones," I said.
"And others," Eladehl told me, "just aren't considered worthy. You know you're the only girl he's kissed?"
