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"That is why you have a god," he reminded me. "I promise you, he charges his priests less than everyone else."
"But that doesn't mean I can pay it!"
Again, he nodded. "Wise words, actually. So what do you need to know where you belong? What would make you feel like your decision mattered?"
"I always thought we should be allowed to try it first. I understand that it would need to be controlled. Asking a student to get beat by a patron would turn most away from that Path, but it still happens!"
"It does," he agreed. "But being so young, there's one more thing you haven't realized yet. Everything works like this. Outside the temple, people take jobs before they try them. Couples get married. Parents have children. There is always a first time, and our temple allows for you to change your mind."
"Mymind," I repeated. "But not all Paths are taken alone. If I choose the Path of the Body and claim a guardian, and then change my mind, then what happens to him?"
"Ah," he said, letting out a deep sigh. "Oddly, I'm not surprised that you think of others first. Well, he would spend a year learning the basics of his Path and then attend the next Choosing. In most cases, the guardian stays on the Path, but finds a new ward."
"And what if that would tear him away from the one thing he loves most?" I asked.
"I - " He paused. "It doesn't work like that. Maybe he thinks he loves one thing the most now, but he has a better option somewhere else. Or, it could be that the God of Temptation would ignore the initial pairing because he'd realize it would never last. You see, gods truly love their priests. They're like children of a sort, and often the only ones a god will ever have. Other times they are like friends." He smiled. "Just think about how long he's listened to them, watching them grow, learn, and develop. To make one day trump all the things he's already learned? It makes no sense."
"So what do I do?" I asked him. "My friends all want me to choose. I want to stay with them, but I'm terrified that I'll pull them apart, and I don't know the right Path for me."
"I would tell you to trust your god, but clearly something is making you question your faith. So, maybe you need to do something else? What would makeyoufeel comfortable with your decision?"
"I dunno. I always thought trying it would. But I'm not sure how that's possible."
He gave me a look like that was a foolish thing to say. "Haven't youbeentrying it? For, oh, about ten years?"
"Yeah, but that's not the same!"
"Why not?" He smiled. "Because your instructors want to control everything and you want to experiment? Because you've seen more of the bad than the good? Because no one has bothered to tell you that as of this morning, you are no longer a student, but a fully-accepted priest of the Temple of Temptation? And that priests are allowed to leave the temple as they want? Or maybe you just need to see what else is out there and would appreciate knowing that two blocks that way..." He pointed to his left. "... There's a very safe inn that will take your coin, give you drinks and food, but not ask any questions?"
"You're telling me I should leave?" I asked, expecting this to be some kind of trick.
"Nariana, I'm telling you that you can. I'm saying that the Path that works best for most doesn't mean it works for them all. Most of all, I'm saying that no matter what all the priests tell you, it really is ok to test the waters before you commit. It's ok to ask questions. It's even fine to rage at your god and demand something back. You never know, he might give it." Then he bobbed his head. "And the lace on your arms will protect you from a lot, even if no one's ever mentioned that. Get in trouble. Live for a bit. You are shaking the walls of your cage, but the door isunlocked. The only question is if you're brave enough to walk through it and see what is on the other side."
It took me a moment to realize that he knew my name. "Have we met before?" I asked.
"You mean besides on the Darkest Night? Yes. I believe you let me into your mentor's room when she'd been injured."
"But I don't know your name," I told him.
He chuckled softly. "You will. I have a feeling I'll be one of your instructors once your Path is marked on your body. But do think about it? I don't know, consider this as your very firsttemptation."
Then he left. He hadn't bothered to give me his name, but I could also see why he hadn't. This way, if I said a priest told me I could do something, the finger wouldn't point at him. He was just a beautiful, darker-skinned man wearing a black robe. That wouldn't exactly narrow things down a whole lot in our temple.
But it also made me think he was being serious when he said I could leave. The question was if I wanted to. I should be spending today with Wraythe and Eladehl, yet something about that offer pulled at me. When the priest had called it my temptation, he probably didn't know how right he was. There was just one thing I had to do.
The walk back to my rooms was a long one, but by the time I got there, my face was a lot less puffy, and I hoped my eyes were no longer red from crying. My best robe hung on the back of my door, but the rest of my clothes were in a lump. Flicking through them, I found something that didn't look at all priestly, and quickly pulled it on. It was just a pair of tan pants with a billowy white shirt, but it felt like the sort of thing that would blend in. Both pouches of coins went in my pockets, one on each side. After pulling my hair into a tail on the back of my head, I decided I was definitely doing this.
But I owed my guys something. So, after walking out of my room, I turned for Eladehl's and tapped. It took a minute, but eventually he opened it. Lounging across his bed was Wraythe.
"Hey," I said, hoping they weren't still mad at me. "I'm going to figure it out, ok? But there's something I want from the two of you?"
"Anything," Wraythe promised, sitting up to see me.
Eladehl opened the door a little wider, inviting me in. Yet the moment I stepped through, he closed it behind me. Granted, that worked, because I wasn't sure I wanted to have this conversation overheard.
"I want you to pick each other. You're meant to be Eladehl's guardian, Wraythe. Everyone knows it, and if you think Zeal doesn't, then you're just wrong. You've belonged together since before I met you, so don't ever let anyone get between you. Not even me."
"What are you doing, Nari?" Eladehl asked.
