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"I almost hurt her," he breathed.
That had my complete attention. "When?"
"When you and Wraythe gave us the room alone a while back. She tried to suck me off, but I just wanted to be inside her, so I grabbed her by the throat and pushed her back."
"Doesn't count," I said.
He leaned even more. "It does." The words were a hiss. "I had my fist around her neck and I wanted to squeeze."
I couldn't help but groan, and not in disgust. "That is not a bad thing, Ela. I'm afraid this is something Nari and I agree on. The idea of you holding us down, taking control like that? I'd end up coming before you even got in my ass."
His breath caught and he scanned my face. "Really?"
"Mhm." Reaching up, I caught his neck, my fingers gripping the back of his head. "Nari's a good guardian. She's better than half the class now. She's not helpless, babe, but I get it. I promise I do. I'm also willing to be the test case."
"I'm not fucking you on the couch with them in there," he countered.
A laugh slipped from my lips. "No. I meant to prove it to you. Have her and Wraythe stand in as the protection. Have your way with me. Prove it to yourself that you're in control. That's what they were saying at Faylie's place, and it's what you can't seem to wrap your mind around. We're not scared of you."
"Yeah, but..."
"No," I breathed, cutting him off. "Ela, I'm not scared of you. I respect you, and I'm aware that you can hurt someone, but I'm not scared of you, because I know the most important thing of all. You don't hurt someone unless they deserve it. You can tease them, you can seduce them with pain, but you don't actually destroy them unless they did something to ask for it."
"What if you're wrong?" he asked.
"Then I'd rather you figure that out with me than with her."
He relaxed, shifting to curl up against my chest. Without even thinking, my arms wrapped around his body, holding him against me. There was something about a man this strong, this amazing, being willing to relax like this that made my heart beat a little heavier. Turning my head, I kissed the top of his hair and Ela let out a heavy sigh.
"I'm scared of it," he finally admitted.
"I don't blame you." Another kiss against his hair, then I turned to see his face. "What's it like?"
"It feels like what I'd imagine Zeal riding you feels like. Some force that wants to take control. Like there's a monster inside me that takes over and I'm not sure I can stop it."
"What does that monster want?" I asked.
He pressed his face against my chest. "To break things. To make them pay."
"Mm, interesting phrase, that. What would Nari need to pay for?"
"Nothing!" he insisted.
"Exactly. Now, I can think of a few things I might have to pay for. Fucking her first, as an example."
"No," Ela laughed. "That actually worked out well. Wraythe got ringed, so he couldn't. If she'd slept with me first, he'd always feel like she'd picked me instead of him. You? It was chance. Coincidence. Divine intervention."
"More of the latter, I think." I hugged him a little tighter. "We should try."
"Huh?" He looked up.
"This is hard for you," I explained. "We should schedule a session room under the dome for you and Nari to practice, but when we get there, Nari can serve as my guardian, and you can try with me. See what happens when you let go with someone you don't hate, Ela. Let her see it where she's still safe."
"Talin, we haven't..." He pulled himself up to look at me. "You're ok with her watching me fuck you? Because I'm not sure I'm ready for that the other way around."
"I'm fine with it," I promised. "In truth, I miss it. Last semester, we were so comfortable, but ever since winter break, we've been pulling ourselves apart. I think that's what Oryll sees, and he's trying to use it against her, so we need to stop. I'm not ashamed that I like being fucked. I promise that I have no complaints about the man who's fucking me. I'd brag about it if I could. I don't want her to think she's being replaced, but Ela?" I leaned a little closer. "I like you. I think it might be more, but you have to give me a chance. Trust me, babe, because I do trust you."
He nodded. "This week? Since the session is over the weekend."
