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It didn’t matter that I no longer believed he betrayed me, not when whatever had been between us was gone forever.
Chapter 14
Darius’s words lingered long after we’d parted, haunting my thoughts like a nightmare that now filled my waking moments: “I was wrong. The Eden I knew...I’m not sure she even exists. Perhaps I was wrong to have faith in you.” Over and over they filled my mind, taunting me with every step as I wove through the forest’s barren trees on my way to visit Shade.
I didn’t really want to meet with her—I seemed to alternate between hating her and genuinely wanting her company. Not only was she my only friend, she was just so...kind. I often regretted pretending to hate her midst my pain. Despite my jealousy over her relationship with Darius, she was my last connection to him, one that felt more fragile after he’d caught me doing Mother’s bidding.
Encountering Darius had forced me to face the truths that up until now I’d chosen to ignore—it was as if he’d held up a mirror, one I’d already been forced to look into far too many times already, but which I could now clearly see what was reflected in the glass, allowing me to realize all I’d become.
Until yesterday Darius had been able to look beyond that Eden, but now he’d seen me for who I truly was and couldn’t escape the truth any longer, which had caused his faith in me to finally falter. No matter the consequences that would have come from refusing to do Mother’s bidding, surely they wouldn’t have been as devastating as the ones I was experiencing now. The light within me was extinguishing, and I wasn’t sure how to get it back.
Perhaps that was why I’d come. Spending time with Shade was better than remaining alone in my room with nothing but my dark, doubtful thoughts for company. Besides, my situation wasn’t her fault; the rift between Darius and me had been all due to my own choices. That’s what made it so painful—the fact I had no one to blame except for myself.
It took me a while to track her down, but I finally found her kneeling amongst a patch of strange-looking plants growing in sporadic patterns. It took her a moment to emerge from her concentrated study of what I presumed to be herbs, but she eventually looked up with such a warm smile I once more felt guilty for trying so hard to hate her; she was just soinnocent.
“Perfect timing, Eden. Won’t you gather herbs with me?”
“What sort of herbs?” I asked as I settled beside her.
She stared off into space for a moment, blinking rapidly, before she brightened. “I remember now: I’m searching for ingredients for my current brew.”
“Are you still trying to create a sense for hope?”
She nodded. “I haven’t had a chance to test the fog I recently acquired; I still need a few more ingredients before my next experiment. Which do you think will work better: clover or rosemary?”
She pointed to each in turn. I examined each plant, trying to decipher their differences other than their appearance.
“I think the rosemary would be best,” Shade said, not seeming to notice I hadn’t offered an opinion. “It’s said to aid mood and memory, which should work nicely; it’s easier to feel hope when one remembers things of beauty and joy. Yes, rosemary is the best choice.” She plucked a few sprigs and tucked them away into one of her many pockets. “Now we shall go on a quest for more ingredients. This will be fun.”
She stood and I numbly followed. “Where are we going?” I didn’t really care where, so long as it provided ample distraction.
She looked around as if the answer could be found within the surrounding trees. “Rosewood Forest, in the Dream Realm. I’m sure they have all sorts of plants that are just what I’m looking for. Since you came from there, you’ll be the perfect one to accompany me.”
My breath hooked. “We’re going to the Dream Realm?”
I hadn’t returned to my old home since my suspension. To return now to the place that had rejected me but which I still longed for...
Shade tipped her head, her gaze quizzical. “Don’t you want to visit your old home?”
I wasn’t sure. I’d worked so hard to convince myself I didn’t belong there any longer—that I never had in the first place—that I didn’t think I was strong enough to survive a reminder of the time before this endless night. Even a moment in the light of the Dream Realm would make returning to the gloom of my new home all the more difficult.
I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat. “Why do you need ingredients from the Dream Realm?”
“Because all of my experiments in creating a sense of hope have failed,” she said. “I’m beginning to suspect that the ingredients are imbalanced. I’m hoping using a combination from both the Dream and Nightmare Realms will restore that balance and create the effect I want.”
I wasn’t sure how hope could be created from anything in this world of shadows and darkness, but she looked too excited for me to even attempt to dampen her enthusiasm.
“I admit it’s an unusual combination,” she continued. “But the more I consider it, the more certain I am that light and darkness working together is exactly what this particular brew needs—night is when one looks towards the upcoming dawn, and day loses its beauty without the night.”
She beckoned me to follow, but with her recent words I found I couldn’t move, so she seized my wrist and tugged me along in what felt like a random direction. As we walked, Shade looked around with an air of detachment.
I barely had a chance to worry that wandering an unfamiliar forest with Shade would result in us becoming hopelessly lost when she broke the silence. “You’re rather melancholy.” I blinked at her, startled, and her lips twitched. “Yes, I noticed; I can be observant when the occasion warrants it.”
She offered a half shrug before staring at me with wide, unblinking eyes, her invitation for me to confide in her. I shifted anxiously. My emotions were secrets I tried to keep locked away from everyone...including myself. I wasn’t ready to relinquish the key, to lay my heart before her only to be judged as harshly as Darius had done the day before.
“Nothing is wrong,” I lied.
She gave me a knowing look, a distraction that caused us to narrowly miss colliding with a tree. “Are you certain?”
