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Dad silently cried the entire flight, while Mom held on to my hand like she couldn’t bear to let go. The flight attendant kept asking if everything was all right, and I told her to just keep the alcohol coming. There had been four seats left in first class, and I’d bought them all so that Dad could sit alone with his grief.
The flight attendant kept Dad’s glass full of Jameson at all times, and I made sure Mom’s glass of brandy never got low. I stuck to just water, knowing someone would need to be sober to get us back to Creswell Springs once the plane landed. Even with the aid of alcohol, however, Mom didn’t shed a tear, which was exactly what she needed more than anything.
To scream and cry and let it all out.
Hours later, I parked in the driveway of my childhood home and walked around to the passenger side to open Mom’s door. She hiccupped, and I had to half carry her into the house because she was so drunk, but Dad followed behind us as if he hadn’t drunk an entire bottle of whiskey on the flight.
The house was silent as we entered, the place feeling lifeless for the first time in my memory. I knew instantly why that was. Nova wasn’t there. Nova, who was the life-force for everyone who knew her, was gone. It was like being hit with the realization of her death all over again.
And with it, the realization that Lis was gone too.
Two strong, beautiful women, who had both been the center of my world—even if I had pretended like Nova wasn’t at times—were dead.
The pain was hard to swallow, but somehow I got Mom upstairs to my sister’s room. She froze outside the closed door, but I opened it and then lifted her into my arms before carrying her to Nova’s bed. The comforter was perfectly in place. Her many pillows and a few stuffed animals in the same spot they had always been in.
Laying Mom in the middle of the bed, I stepped back just as the first sob tore through her. Grabbing the little rabbit Nova used to take everywhere with her when she was a toddler, Mom pulled it to her chest and finally released the scream that had been choking her for days.
Cali
The cramp was so small it almost went unnoticed, but after weeks of feeling them every few minutes, I still paid attention to each one of them. It was hard not to when, with each one, I was terrified it was the one that would send me into labor.
Breathing slowly and deeply, I closed my eyes and touched the tiny baby bump beneath my shirt.
Just a few more weeks. Stay strong, Nugget. Don’t give up on me, because I will never give up on you. Not until you’re in my arms. We can do this. I promise.
As I stroked my hands over the bump, a tiny little kick pressed against my palm, almost as if the baby was responding to my silent message. A small smile touched my lips. My nugget was strong and tenacious, reminding me of Nova so much. I was glad Hannigan blood flowed through my child’s veins, even if I disliked his or her father.
Garret might be a spineless asshole who had abandoned me when I needed him most, but his sister was my superhero. Without her, the baby and I would have died in that torture dungeon. Manuel’s evil would still have been infecting the world, and I would have been buried somewhere in the backyard. Instead, my best friend and my child’s aunt had not only saved us both, but had taken over the running of the Ramirez businesses.
Once Nugget was born, they would have a future because of Nova.
And because of Nova, I knew my baby would be well taken care of, which was what they would need more than anything. Especially once I was gone.
I didn’t need the doctor to tell me that I wasn’t going to survive giving birth. With all the cramping and bleeding, I knew that my life was on the line just as much as the baby’s was. But that was fine. My life didn’t matter. All I cared about was getting through each week until it was safe for Nugget to be born. Once the baby was out, and in Nova’s arms, I’d happily leave the world.
I just needed to hold on, let the baby grow and get healthier.
Maria walked into my room with a beaming smile on her face. “How exciting!” she gushed in Spanish as she brought me a glass of water. It was my third in the last hour, but apparently I needed a full bladder for the doctor’s visit. I was officially sixteen weeks, and when Dr. Ortega did his weekly ultrasound this time, he said he was likely to see what the sex of the baby was.
Maria’s excitement was enough to produce a small smile from me. “Yes, I can’t wait,” I told her honestly.
There had already been too many surprises in my life. I didn’t need any more. Plus, I needed to know the sex of the baby so I could find the right name for him or her. It was the last thing I could give my child before I died, and I wanted to give it to them as soon as possible. So that Nova would know what her niece or nephew should be called. And I also wanted to talk to my child using their given name until their birth, rather than just calling them “Nugget.”
Halfway through the third glass of water, I was hurting from the need to pee. Any difference in pressure in the general area of my uterus was enough to cause cramping, and when the cramps intensified, so did the bleeding. Thankfully, Guzman knocked on my bedroom door and showed Dr. Ortega in.
The ultrasound machine was already in my room. Nova had purchased one to make things easier on the doctor, and us, since I had to have an ultrasound at least once a week. I refused to leave the mansion, and it would have taken several men to get the machine up and down the stairs if they had to haul it to and from the doctor’s clinic.
After greeting me, the doctor got straight to work. He never lingered, and I wasn’t sure if that was because he was scared to be at the mansion, or if he was simply a very busy man. He was the only doctor around, and I knew he had a lot of patients who needed his attention, but Guzman could be a bit intimidating. And then there was Nova.
Every man who worked for me—and her too now since I’d made her take half of the business as compensation for helping me so much—was more than a little nervous when it came to my best friend. Not that I could blame them. After witnessing just how badass she was, I would have been nervous of her too. Except I wasn’t nervous or intimidated.
I was thankful.
If Nova was there to raise my baby after I was gone, then I knew they would not only be safe, but loved and cared for all their life. Everything I wished I’d had growing up.
After the doctor gave me the usual exam, the lights were dimmed, and Dr. Ortega started the ultrasound as Nova entered the room. Seeing her, my heart lifted, and I held out my hand. She and Maria were always present for the ultrasounds, but this was one of the most important, and I didn’t want her to miss anything.
The instant her hand slid into mine, all the noise in my head went silent and I was able to truly enjoy the moment.
