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The pain was turned off, and all that was left was the pent-up rage he’d been storing from the night we’d found Nova and Ciana in Canada. One second, the other guy would be bouncing around, gloating and showboating that he was kicking Ryan’s ass. The next, he would be on the ground, close to unconsciousness—if not death—as my friend pounded his fist into something the poor fuck’s mother wouldn’t even recognize.
When the referee hesitated to pull Ryan off the other guy, I had to step in. Wrapping him in a headlock, I dragged him back. Thankfully, Bennie and Vito cleared a path to the locker room, because it was a struggle to keep hold of Ryan as it was. If I loosened my grip for even a second, he would have been back on his opponent, and we’d have had to pay off everyone who witnessed the fight—and probably dig a few holes to hide the bodies of those who were too upstanding to look the other way.
The fight tonight had lasted all of three minutes, maybe a little longer. This time, Ryan had only given the other guy the chance at a single punch before he’d lost control and released the rage beast that lived just below the surface these days.
It took just one look from the ref to tell me I needed to intervene, and I was pulling Ryan away—as usual. I wanted to put a bullet in Vito and Bennie for bringing us to the damn underground fights to begin with, but they were still recovering from the last time they were shot. Vito was nearly completely healed, but Bennie was taking longer to recover with his leg.
If Anya found out what we’d been doing every weekend, she would have the twins’ heads, along with my own, mounted to her wall.
I almost wished she would. At least then, I wouldn’t have to feel the pain that pressed on my chest, making it hard to breathe twenty-four hours a day.
Ryan was in pain. I understood that. But he was missing the fact that everyone else was hurting just as much. Fuck. I’d lost my sister and the woman I loved. Two people who were huge parts of my life, gone as if they never even existed. Only the pain in my heart, the constant noise in my head, told me that they had.
Then there was the whole Ciana bullshit. How did I forgive her for what she’d done? If it weren’t for her, Sheena and Ramirez wouldn’t have gotten close to the girls that night. All three of them would still be with us, not dead or in the hands of the enemy, playing happy family as she paraded around with her ever-growing pregnant belly. She was living the dream, with the father of her children, while Ryan and I were in agony as we tried to find a way to live without the women who had been our entire world.
Pushing those thoughts away, I tossed Ryan a towel so he could wipe the blood off his face. Ninety-five percent of it belonged to the guy he’d just beaten unconscious. While he cleaned himself up, my phone rang, and I quickly answered it, needing the distraction.
It was just one of my men checking in, and I was only half listening to what he was saying. Which was a good thing because I heard Vito and Ryan talking.
“You ready?” my cousin asked.
“Maybe I want another round,” Ryan answered, taking the sports drink Bennie offered.
I quickly pocketed my phone. “No, man. You’ve had enough tonight. You’re going to be feeling that last hit for a few days at least. Did he knock any teeth loose?”
“Nah. I’m good. He barely tapped me.”
I wanted to punch Ryan a few times myself, but I kept my hands unclenched to avoid the urge. If Nova were there, she would have already been dragging his ass home. Fuck, who was I kidding? If Nova were there, Ryan wouldn’t have been within a mile of the underground fights. He sure as hell wouldn’t let her close to them. He’d have her home, tucked in bed.
Safe and sound, where she belonged.
Swallowing the knot of emotion that thought always brought with it, I breathed through my anger at him.
“You’re already bruised,” Vito said, shaking his head. “If Tetka sees that, she’s going to bury my ass.”
“I’m ready for some dinner,” Bennie cut in. “I could go for something dripping in grease.”
It was even weirder that the twins were trying to be the voices of reason. The two of them were always looking for mischief.
“I’m not hungry,” Ryan muttered, back to the emotionless husk once more. “I think I’ll just go home.”
“Not until you eat,” Vito told him forcefully.
“You have to eat.” Bennie zipped up the bag and tossed it over his shoulder. “Both of you,” he muttered, shoving me toward the door before I could argue with him. Food held little appeal to me these days. It was impossible to find joy in anything without Lis there to share it with me. “I’m thinking burgers and fries. What do you say, Vito?”
“Yeah, fratello,” his twin agreed. “These two could use some big, juicy meat.”
“Fuck you,” I grumbled, but I let Bennie guide me out to the SUV.
I just wanted to go home and climb into bed. It wasn’t as if I would get any sleep, but at least alone, I could remember Lis without anyone bothering me. But it was hours later before Ryan and I stepped into our apartment.
“Shower,” he said with a grunt. Not even looking at me, he started for his room.
“Night,” I muttered back. The urge to punch him had eased for the moment, but I knew from experience it would come back burning hot the next time we went to one of the fights.
Walking into my room, I started stripping on my way to the bathroom. After a quick shower, I dropped down onto my bed and grabbed my phone. Opening my saved photos, I started flipping through the hundreds of Lis. Some of them were with me, but the majority were just her.
This was both the best part of my day and the worst.
