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“There was some slight brain bleeding, but that has already stopped on its own,” she explained. “Right now, Justice is having breathing issues, which is putting pressure on her heart. They found an opening between her aorta and pulmonary arteries, which would normally close on its own given time if it was small, but hers is bigger. The doctor said these types can be closed by a catheter or surgery, but hers is so bad that he wants to do surgery to repair it. They want to wait until she’s gained more weight to give her a better chance of…of…”
“Of survival,” Nova finished for her when Mom began to cry.
She nodded. “Y-yeah.”
My strength left me as my brain tried to comprehend everything my mom had just dumped on me. Feeling weak, I carefully set Nova on her feet before I pressed my back to the nearest wall and tried to catch my breath. Putting my hands on my knees, I bent in half, sucking in big gulps of oxygen—but it didn’t help. My lungs had stopped working.
“Garret!” Nova snapped my name. Grasping my chin, she lifted my head until our gazes locked. “You’re not allowed to have a panic attack,” she growled at me. “It’s time to grow up and be the man your daughter deserves. I’m not going to allow you to let her down. Do you hear me?”
“I-I hear you.” Looking into her eyes, for a moment, I didn’t see Nova standing there commanding me, but Aunt Raven. Shaking off the weakness that had overcome me, I straightened my spine and pushed away from the wall. “I’m ready to meet my baby girl.”
Cali
I didn’t know how long I stood beside that incubator, letting Justice clutch my finger, before a doctor appeared at my side. He and the nurse explained everything that was going on with my baby. The brain bleeding that had thankfully stopped on its own, the lung issues, and scariest of all—the heart problem.
It was a miracle I stood there and was able to listen to the words out of the man’s mouth without falling apart, but tears and screaming at the injustice of what my child had to go through could come later. I refused to let her hear her mother be a hysterical mess while every moment of her life was a miracle. A struggle that was no doubt painful and exhausting, but a miracle, nonetheless.
After I’d agreed to a plan of action, the doctor left me there with the nurse, who continued to check Justice every few minutes. Her tubes, her wires, her IV. Making sure the incubator temperature was keeping her warm enough because her body didn’t know how to regulate itself yet. I knew the nurse was keeping a close eye on me as well, making sure I didn’t collapse.
Honestly, I was surprised I hadn’t already fallen to my knees. The block I’d thrown up in my mind so I could withstand the pain I was going through physically was starting to crack, and my entire body shook. I didn’t know if I was cold or going into shock from the combination of stress and pain, but something was definitely happening.
Yet I just stood there, letting Justice cling to my finger while I stroked what little I could of her with my other hand. I ached to pick her up and hold her against my chest, but the nurse had explained that, while skin-to-skin contact would work wonders for Justice, she wasn’t ready for that yet. She needed to stay in her incubator for a few more days before that could happen. I would just have to make do with what contact I did get with her.
With my energy fading by the minute, I leaned on the incubator a little, trying to remain upright. Fighting the agony my body was no longer able to control, I folded my arm and rested my head on it, looking down at Justice. Tears leaked out of my eyes and down my nose, but with the mask over her eyes, she couldn’t see me cry.
Behind me, I heard voices murmuring, but I ignored them. My vision was blurry, but I could still make out the image of the tiny body that I would fight to protect until my last breath.
A hand touched my arm, and I jerked. I lifted my head, and I came face-to-face with Nova. Tears glittered in her eyes, and she started to hug me, but I took a step back. “How could you?” I whispered, her betrayal cutting through me all over again. “I trusted you.”
“Let’s not talk about that here,” she urged in her sweet, quiet voice. “We don’t want to argue and upset Justice. She needs as much peace and rest as she can get.”
“What would you know about what she needs?” I hissed. “You left us. Like everyone else, you abandoned us. I thought I could trust you, but you only broke my heart too.”
“That’s bullshit, Cali,” she said firmly, her jaw tightening. “I will never abandon you. You and Justice are my family.”
A humorless laugh left me, making my throat throb all over again. “Your family can go to hell. I’m done with all of you.”
Her green eyes dropped to Justice, and a single tear spilled down her cheek. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here. Believe me when I say that I wanted to be. But Mom was right. Garret does deserve to see his daughter. In your heart, you know that as well. You’re just too hurt to see the truth. With everything that has happened, your brain and body are overwhelmed. Should you even be out of bed?” she demanded with concern.
“I should be with my baby,” I snapped.
At my raised voice, I felt Justice jerk, her hold tightening on my finger before relaxing. Guilt that I’d caused her even a moment of distress slammed me. Bending, I looked at her closer, trying to see if I’d caused her any physical harm.
But the sudden movement drained what was left of my energy reserve, and I felt myself sliding down, down, down…
Strong arms caught me before I hit the floor, lifting me into the air. I knew who it was and refused to even look at his face as he adjusted me in his hold. Keeping my gaze locked on the incubator, I gritted out, “Tell him to put me down, Nova.”
“If he does that, you’ll fall,” she argued. “Let him take you back to your room. The two of you can talk and—”
“Tell him to put me down. Now!” I whisper-shouted, so as not to disturb my baby.
“Lis, please.” Garret’s voice rolled over me, making my pain level go from one hundred to ten million in a heartbeat. Even my eyelashes hurt, but that was nothing compared to the agony in my abdominal muscles from being scrunched up in his arms.
It was so bad, my vision started to go dark around the edges. But my hand was still inside the incubator, Justice’s little fingers wrapped so trustingly around my digit. I tried to breathe through the pain, to keep conscious, for her…
The next thing I knew, I was lying in my bed in the private hospital room.
Blinking, I took stock of myself. There was a fresh IV line in my hand, the heart monitors were back, and so was the blood pressure cuff. My pain level had been cut in half, so a nurse must have given me a dose of medication. But there was something else I quickly became aware of.
