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“No. You don’t understand. I physically can’t leave you. Just the thought of you being out of my sight makes me sick. I’m not leaving, not even if they try to take me out of here in handcuffs. The last time I walked away from you, I didn’t see you again for months. I thought you were fucking dead!”
I saw him move out of the corner of my eye; moments later, his hands were on either side of my head as he leaned over me. I tried not to look up at him, to avoid his gaze, but his breath brushed over my cheek, and I was powerless to control the direction my eyes traveled.
His tormented green eyes locked with mine, and I sucked in a pained breath at the anguish I saw there. “Ignore me all you want. Pretend like I don’t exist. But do not expect me to go anywhere you aren’t. Because I fucking won’t, Lis.”
Garret
Her hair was a tangled mess around her face and across her pillow. The hospital gown she wore was drenched in breast milk. Her complexion was blotchy from all the shit she’d been through in the past few days. Her blue eyes, slightly glazed from a combination of discomfort and painkillers, shot flames up at me.
And for the life of me, I couldn’t remember seeing a more beautiful woman in my life.
Just the sight of her was enough to take my breath away, causing my heart to pound against my ribs. That she was there, in front of me, breathing and very much alive, was enough to bring fresh tears to my eyes. I’d never missed anyone as much as I’d missed her during the time I’d thought she was gone from this world forever.
Now that she was right in front of me, it was a struggle not to touch her constantly. I needed that physical contact to remind myself that I had her back, because this could all so easily turn into a dream and the love of my life might turn into a wisp of smoke before my eyes. But touching her, feeling her soft skin, the heat of her body, the heart beating in her chest—that told me without a shadow of a doubt that she was truly there.
From the time she’d lost consciousness in the NICU, I’d been by her side, staying out of the way of the nurses and doctors as they’d come and gone. But I’d be damned if I allowed anyone to take her out of my line of vision ever again. Walking out on her the night she’d confessed everything to me had turned out to be the worst decision of my life—and I’d made some fucked-up mistakes over the years.
While she’d been out, Nova and Mom had been on my case to go up to the NICU to visit with Justice, but as much as I wanted to see my daughter, it felt wrong to do so without her mother with me. That, and the thought of being anywhere Lis wasn’t made my stomach churn in an ugly kind of way that wouldn’t be good for anyone, my little girl included.
Angrily, Nova had called me a coward for not being with Justice, and I’d shut her up by agreeing. I was a coward, a scared boy trapped in a man’s body. I was terrified out of my mind, but not for the reasons my sister thought. I trusted Nova and Mom to keep my baby girl safe, but the last time I hadn’t been there for Lis, when she’d needed me the most, I’d thought she’d died.
I wouldn’t survive that again. It would be worse than Ryan without Nova. After getting Lis back, only to lose her again, it would be the end of me too. Not even for Justice could I walk through life without the other half of my soul beside me.
“Sir,” the nurse tried to urge me. “It won’t take me long to help Miss Ramirez get showered and changed. The longer you delay that, the more uncomfortable she will be.”
“We can’t have that,” I murmured and lifted Lis carefully into my arms. But I’d forgotten about the monitors she was attached to and the IV.
With an exasperated huff, the nurse unhooked her from everything, leaving the IV port in the back of Lis’s hand. “She needs to walk, sir. The more movement she has, the better. We want to avoid blood clots.”
“She can walk on her own afterward,” I told the woman as I carried Lis into the adjoining bathroom. I stood there with her in my arms while the nurse got the shower ready.
The entire time, Lis remained quiet, keeping her gaze averted, looking at anything but me. She still continued to hold the gown away from her chest, but it only made wet spots appear elsewhere, like on her stomach as her milk supply leaked from her nipples.
I gritted my teeth, trying my damnedest not to think about her nipples. It was fucked up to think about her body like that when she’d only recently given birth. Her body had been through so much trauma since the last time I’d been with her, I didn’t know if she would want me ever again. But even if we couldn’t have a sexual relationship, I didn’t care. All I wanted was her—and Justice. My tiny family was all I needed.
The bathroom was small and the nurse kept giving me dirty looks as she prepared everything for the shower, but I hadn’t been kidding when I said I wasn’t going anywhere Lis wasn’t. Even if that meant I watched her use the toilet, I couldn’t be away from her.
Maybe what I was feeling would eventually calm down enough to let her do small things on her own without me hovering over her, but for the moment, I was an obsessed clinger, openly stalking the woman I loved.
“You can set her down now,” the nurse instructed in a cool tone. “Miss Ramirez is entitled to privacy while she bathes.”
“Her name is Lis Brewer,” I corrected her, carefully placing Lis on her feet but keeping my hands on her hips when she swayed slightly. “And soon it will be Hannigan.”
Lis snorted. “My name is Calista Ramirez. Cali to my friends, and you are as far from a friend as they come.” Her hands covered mine and tried to shove them off her, but I held firm, not trusting her legs to keep her upright on their own. I heard her swallow hard. “Get out, Garret. I just want to get clean. It’s not like I can go anywhere without you seeing me leave.”
“What if you fall?”
“That’s what the nurse is here for,” she snapped and finally lifted her blue eyes to look at me. “Please.”
Muttering a curse, I helped her sit on the closed toilet seat and then backed out of the bathroom. But I left the door cracked and stayed right in front of it, just in case she needed me.
I listened to the sounds of the water running, the nurse’s voice speaking quietly to Lis as she helped her wash her hair and body. I heard several moans coming from her, but I couldn’t tell if they were in pleasure or pain. While she got washed up, I texted my sister to ask about Justice, but I didn’t get a reply back. That only told me that she was in the NICU where phones weren’t permitted because of the sensitive machinery connected to most of the precious patients in the ward.
I texted Mom next in hopes that she wasn’t with Nova.
Mom: The doctor just came in. Nova is inside speaking to him now. If Justice gains enough weight, they might do the surgery next week.
A new fear squeezed my lungs, and I had to force in my next breath.
