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“Jax, Luc, help Kai upstairs and call our doctor. Wait with him, and make sure he understands the term confidentiality,” he orders, and they both start helping Kai up.
His grey gaze turns down to me. “Loki. Give me the gun.” I automatically snap to his command, my hand holding it out to him before my brain registers the movement.
He takes it, then goes over to the shelving on the back wall, and picks up a bottle of spray. I see the words ‘DNA safe’ on the front. Ash sprays the gun fully, then places it in a zip-lock plastic bag which he seals after.
“Ash…” I croak out, my voice sounds far away like I'm miles from this cursed basement. “What about…”
I can't bring myself to finish the sentence. Ash knows what I'm referring to, his hard eyes looking past me to the guy in the chair.
“We need a clean up crew…” he says, thinking aloud, biting his bottom lip.
“I’ve overheard my dad talking about his crew once…” Jax suggests, pausing at the base of the stairs.
“No, we need our own,” Ash responds firmly. “We can’t leave it to chance with those cunts.” We know who he's referring to. Our fathers, Kai's uncle.
“I could call Enzo from the gym?” Jax asks. Enzo runs the boxing gym downtown. It's rough, but clean, and Enzo has been more of a father to Jax, to all of us, than ours will ever be. We trust him with our lives.
Ash thinks for a moment, then nods.
We hear Kai's sharp inhale as they head up the stairs. I'm still standing there, feeling a sense of unreality, the whole room in hyper focus. Like, this can't be actually happening. I can't have just shot a guy after we beat him to a bloody pulp.
“Hey,” Ash says gently, and I look up. “Loki, I'm...shit...what a fucking birthday,” he says, his grey eyes full of concern.
Yep. Happy fucking fourteenth.
I wake up with a jolt, gasping and covered in sweat from the nightmare. Only, is it still classed as a nightmare if it's a memory? I don't fucking know.
I lay there in Kai's bed, trying to breathe normally, when a feminine scream rents the air in two, making my heartbeat skyrocket again.
Kai sits up with a start, rubbing his eyes before reaching over and putting his glasses on. We then hear the soul destroying sobs, and my heart shatters into thousands of sharp, tiny pieces.
“I don't know how much longer I can take this,” I say into the dark, my voice breaking. I feel on the verge of tears myself.
“Me either,” Kai says back, his own voice desolate.
The sobs subside to whimpers, then eventually stop.
“When she hurts, I hurt, Kai,” I say softly, just above a whisper.
Sometimes it's easier to say things in the dark, even if it's to someone you've known your whole life. My hand rubs at my chest, trying to ease the dull ache inside.
“I know. Me too,” he confides back and lays his head on my shoulder seeking comfort. We sit there for a time, in our shared pain.
“I had another nightmare,” I admit into the silence.
“The cabin?” he asks gently.
Although we told Lilly about that night, she doesn't know the full truth. She doesn't know that she's been my light, chasing away the demons that have tried to consume me ever since my fourteenth birthday. She blazed into our lives with her quirky humor, sharp tongue, and beauty, both inside and out.
Before her, Kai was there. Every time I was plagued by my doubts, and the devils reared their ugly heads, he was there. This guilt, this dark depression claws at me like a parasite. Anytime I feel it crawling under my skin, he helps me. He knows that there are worse ways I could try to drown them. Have tried to drown them.
“Yep,” I say, reaching for my phone that’s on the bedside cabinet, scrolling through my playlists until I find the song I'm looking for.
Demons (Philosophical Session)by Jacob Lee sounds over the Bluetooth speakers in Kai's room, and a breath of relief eases through me.
“Loki…” Kai says, his voice pained.
I know he thinks that this isn't healthy, but it's the only way I know how to stop the pain, the guilt from eating me alive. Other than having Lilly by my side.
